Men...

I mentioned a while back that I was starting have real "feelings" for one of the guys I am talking to (this would the the fun and free spirited guy). I also pointed out that the weekend that he was here just(I guess it was a few weeks ago, I can barely remember) confirmed those feelings. I am not one to fall, I supress my feelings and just let things be. Well, I'm no psychic, but my guess is that things might not work out after all. Perhaps it is all in my head. I have spent many nights thinking about this whole situation. I know, I know, to some this might seem trivial and not worth the anxiety, but I really, really like him. Since he does not live here, we talk alot, or we used to. Slowly but surely we are drifting, so to speak. Perhaps it is me backing off becuase I dont know how to deal with these so-called feelings, or perhaps he just doesnt like me like he/I thought he did. That is ok if that is how he feels, I just would like to know so that I dont waste my time. I guess I should just forget about things, about him, and move on. Maybe I'll just take the cowardly way out instead of having to face my emotions.

Change is Growth

ok, so I posted two other blogs today but they were from a couple days ago. I dont always remember to post my blogs on here, so here we go...

Have you ever wanted something so bad you can feel it in your bones? I am a true believer in working very hard for what you want, and I do. My mom always told me that anything (realistically) is possible as long as I have God, my faith, and perseverance; I agree. I started to read a book a while back called "The Secret" and never really finished it (I got bored since it was the same thing over and over again, so I watched the DVD, well part of it, and fell asleep). I got the main concept and it is pretty interesting. I do not believe that just the "laws of attraction" alone can get you what you want; It's a nice concept though. I do believe, however, that everything we bring into our life, we attract, like a magnet (if you want to get technical on me, I do not mean this in the opposites attract sort of way, you know the whole positive negative poles on a magnet idea) so to speak. For this very reason I only allow certain people in my life, well, those who play important roles anyhow. Going back to the book, I think it was a bunch of hype (hype; I just realized I've been using this word a lot lately. Random, I know. Just thought I'd throw that in here) that may lead gullible people to believe that anything is possible just because Oprah endorsed it; I attempted to read the book and watch the DVD, I didn't fall for the gimmick, so I like to think this sets me apart. I'll stick to my personal and spiritual beliefs. Now why did I feel the need to write all of this nonsense? Oh yea (I had lost my train of thought), wanting something.

There are a lot of things that I want. Some I know I can get with hard work and dedication, some I just want for selfish reasons, and some things I really want but realize that it might not be the best for me after all. That is the hard part, coming to terms with the realization that something you desire it's not good for you. But can it be, if you work really hard? I suppose it could, but change is needed. Change doesn't necessarily mean to change who you are or your beliefs, I believe that change is growth. We learn and grow from experiences, whether bad or good. From my past experiences, I have realized that I, too, have changed; some say for the better, some say for the worse.
I received an email with this quote,
"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."
Having read this, it confirmed my beliefs that change is good. Change is growth. One does not have to loose why they are in the process but may find something better underneath it all.
With change in mind, must I change myself to get what I want, or should I change what ever it is that I want?
(Sometimes I think that I think too much)

<3 Little Things Part II <3 09/21/2008

So this is a continuation of my previous post.


"Settling"
As if we don't already know what settling mean, for my own sake and the sake of my blog, I'm gonna go ahead and break it down. Settling, in essence, means to "make do" or "put up with"; I think it also partly means giving up your aspirations because one may feel they can no longer be attainable.
With that in mind, the following quote (the same individual also quoted the "Word's to live by" section on my page) better explains the connotation of the word, "settle" or "settling".

"There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living."

Everyone who knows me recognizes the fact that I am usually one to never settle. Now don't get me wrong, I have made mistakes (haven't we all?) that may have appeared as "settling" and I don't deny that I have been blinded by illusions (those of love, of life, well, of many things for that matter) in the past. Eventually, I come to my wits and identify my mistakes and as hard as it may be to move forward, one must be resilient and make life more meaningful. With that being said, this brings me back to my last blog. This predicament isn't as dramatic as it may appear to the outside world; however, it is an internal battle of choices that I am faced with and answers that are being demanded.
Life is all about choices. Let's put into perspective these choices (there are more than two choices however, for the sake of making this short, I'll cut it down to two. Yes, this will be vague):

Option 1 provides stability, assurance, focus, positive future, dedication, consistency and so on. Stepping back and taking a broad look, I see every reason why I should pick this path. However, at this stage in my life, although I always try to see beyond the horizon, my life is focused on "now" and having as much fun as I can before I am ready for "grown up" life, so to speak.

Option 2 is the complete opposite; it's focused on today, living for the moment. What is not to love about living in the moment, after all, we only live once. As they say, "Life is short, live it up, drink it down, laugh it off, avoid the drama, take chances, and never have regrets…" This option suits my life for the time being. Should I take this path (if it were really an option), I don't know if in the future it could provide me with the benefits featured in option 1. I suppose it could, after all I believe I control my own destiny (to some extent).

Anyhow, these choices reflect my life, my future, perhaps relationships to come, and so on. I don't spend hours upon hours dwelling on this however, being that the choices we make today may affect tomorrow. This is just something I have been pondering about lately and fear that the uncertainty of the future (of course the future is uncertain, it's also the most beautiful part) may lead me to settle for something less than I deserve today, or perhaps something I feel I deserve today, may lead me to settle for an uncertain future.
That's enough rambling about uncertain this and uncertain that, perhaps I should just take it for what it is, whatever that may be. I think I just gave myself a headache.

<3 Little Things <3 09/18/2008

I've been thinking a lot about certain things and ask I myself "why is it that we don't always have answers right when we need/want them?" Perhaps it's just me and that I am impatient or perhaps it is just that we aren't meant to know right then and there and that the best part maybe waiting for the answers and it will be well worth the wait in the end. Well, I won't go so far as to say that waiting is the best part because I absolutely hate to wait, but it is a possibility, I guess. My friend and I were talking last night and we were talking about life and that it's not a straight path, more of like a "maze". In life, we gamble (after all that is what it's all about), take chances, risk the possibility of getting hurt, but you dust yourself off and try again (all of a sudden this sounds like an Aaliyah song. lol). We can't hold back for the risk of falling ("falling" can have many meanings) or even being sabotaged (sometimes I think I sabotage myself). These life experiences make us who we are and unfortunately something or someone may have ruined it for the rest, but nonetheless they mold us into the people that we become. My friend pointed something out to me, she said, "Are you going to let the past stop you from getting what you want all because you're scared?" That brings up an interesting point. We can't let those things control us; Take the best of us. 99% of the time my head is on straight and I see things clearly, but that is because I have control over them, I need to. When I am determined, I set a goal, if that doesn't work out I always have a back up plan, and a few more to follow that. I have my life planned out, I mean, aren't we supposed to? What scares me is that I have made these plans for myself yet I feel like I didn't leave wiggle room for something "new", per say. I guess that's where the back-up plans come in. Anyhow, being that I am just rambling about nonsense (well that make no sense to you, but does to me), I guess I'll just leave it at that. I guess I'm just gonna have to take my chances. I'm not ready to cash in my chips, I think I might wanna see which turn I take next…

Unexpected turn...

So my "friend" that I briefly described in a previous blog came down from San Antonio for the weekend to visit me (of course), his family, and a few friends. We had a great time, better than I expected. Actually, what I expected was to just have a good time nothing more.
Let me tell you a little about me... I date a lot, I separate my feelings from the men. I have to, well actually, my ex made me that way. I promised myself never to fall hard for another man unless I knew he was worthy. The guys I date usually ask me to be their girlfriend and because I am somewhat of a commitment-phobe, I usually say no, explain that I am not ready, and if that is not good enough for them, I stop seeing them. My intentions are not to hurt them, or take advantage of them. I just want to have fun. Although, most women my age are married and have kids, I don't. I enjoy my life and until I am finished with school, then I might change my mind and my dating habits. Moving on...
Recently ,I have been dating this one guy (he's a local). I like him a lot, I mean what's not to like, he is educated, has his own home, a great job, professed his love for me (that scared the shit out of me... so I kinda backed off a little but we still date). He knows I date, so he is trying his hardest to make me pick him like I'm picking a fruit or something. All along I have been talking to the guy from San Antonio (he happens to be cousins to one of my great friends). I like him a lot (I like the other guy too, so as you can see it's a tough decision, well, if it ever were an option). This guy (the one from SA), he is everything the other one is not. He is a charmer, he has tattoo's (I love that), he is a little younger than me (Age is nothing but a number, conveniently), unfortunately he hasn't finished school, but he hopes to. He is a free spirit (Another thing I love about any man) . Anyhow, upon spending the weekend with him, I had a difficult time, not "falling for him" (ok maybe falling isn't the correct term but I'll use it for the sake of making my point), it's not my style. My friends always tell me, "your such a guy", but that's only cause I can be emotionally detached, I guess kinda like a man. This scares me, actually, what frightens me now is the thought that he might not see me like I see him. I'm not used to being the one professing my feelings. After all we are "friends". As you can see, the tables have turned. I can no longer live by my motto (by Big Pun) "I'm not a playa, I just crush a lot", lol. I'm not really a playa (ok, well maybe a little bit), I am not in a relationship with these men, I just date, some more than others. Anyhow, back to him, it scares me that my heart might be on the line, I'm not used to that. I told my friend I hold her responsible since he is her cousin and the one who introduced us, but I am just kidding about that. I don't know what to do. I want him to like me like I like him, only I cant ask, nor will I bring up the subject of "feelings". That would just make me more vulnerable. I guess sometimes you just gotta give, but right now, I am not in the mood to give into my feelings and risk getting hurt. So, I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety lately because of him, the anxiety is not so bad only I don't know how to channel it. I just wish I had some "easy" button to push like the Staples commercial and an answer would magically appear. Well I guess there is not much I can do but wait, Ill keep yall posted...


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Tuesday Night (forgot to post)

9/16/2008


I had a long day today. Unfortunately, it was a sad day in the children's section at the behavioral hospital, I got to work with children ranging in ages from 7-12. My client was twelve but I interacted with all of them. I got to learn their stories, their past such as history of abuse (sexual, physical, and mental), neglect, suicide ideations (yes, at such a young age), and much more. Sad thing is, most of these kids have an uncertain future that looks grim. Many of these kids have been hospitalized more than once. A lot of them have aggression, depression, bi polar disorder, and so on. My heart felt ripped out when I saw this one child being admitted and he was in his father's arms crying that he didn't want to be left; it was so sad most of us teared up. Most of the kids missed home even though their homes were unstable, most of them had unfit parents or greedy foster parents with 8 to 11 kids (you know their in it for the check when they have that many). These kids act this way because they lack attention, how can they possibly get the attention they need when foster parents have more than 5 kids, or their parents abuse them, or even when their parents have drug and alcohol dependencies. I just don't get it. These children need more and it is so sad that most of them don't have anyone advocating for them. Maybe I shoulda been a social worker.
Aside from all the sad stories, we managed to have some fun. A lot of these kids seem normal in another environment. We played cards like "war" and "go fish". We put together puzzles and colored. A couple kids drew pictures for me to keep and this little boy gave me a "spinner" made out of paper. We took turns reading books and just spent a lot of time talking. I had a great time, I didn't want to leave. They asked if we were going back everyday and unfortunately, we only go once a week, and every week we visit a different unit, last week was geriatrics for me.
Well I am off to bed, I think. I have the rest of the week off from school but I have a lot of work to do.

XOXO CYN

Dentist says...

Wisdom teeth are good for NOTHING!

Before I get to the dentist ordeal (thank God it wasn't my ordeal), let me give you a brief description of my day...

Around 7 or 8 a.m. I get a call from my friend (OK so we talk like were a little more than friends but it is what it is... and I'm not really sure what that is... well leave it at "friends") I usually get two calls by that time one when he gets out of work (around 4 a.m.-ish) and then around 7 or 8. So we talk a lot and I enjoy our conversations which is why I don't mind being awaken in the middle of my beauty sleep. We talk for a while, I get up, run a few errands and I got a couple texts from Sheila, she tells me she is sick and being that our grams has cancer, I was a little weary of stopping by and then taking germs back home (I live with my grandparents... I know, I know, I'm 27 but I left my ex and decided to go to nursing school which is very demanding and which brings me "home" with my grandparents). Anyhow, She asked me where I was, I stated I was home, and she was like... home, home? "Yes, home home" I replied. She told me she was sick and home alone. I took that as a hint that she didn't want to be alone. So I went to go pay the auto insurance, passed her house (cause of the whole "germ" thing), I felt bad cause I could picture poor Sheila alone with no one to take care of her. I turned around and stopped by her house. We watched some Maury (I hate Maury by the way, I think he's a perv) I got distracted and I dint remember what it was that distracted me. I had watched the movie "Wit" with Emma Thompson for my Mental health course (has to do with "grief and loss") so I explained to her that it would be a good movie to watch and I wouldn't mind watching it again. A while into the movie I decided I didn't want to take notes, I laid down on the couch and started to drift away into dreamland. I think I heard myself snore, lol. I woke up and Sheila said to go lay down on her bed. I wake up and no one is home. I'm like "What the hell!" OK I check my email, get a call from the police department (I have an interview tomorrow at 9 am).

I then get a call from my good friend Missy who asks if I could accompany her to Progresso, Mexico to see a dentist. I grab my flip flops and hop into Missy's car (she picked me up). The dentist was really cool; he was a jokester which eased the anxiety. He made us laugh a lot and even let me see inside my friends mouth while he was working on loosening up the sucker. She decides the best thing to do is to extract her wisdom tooth which had a cavity, a bad one (so bad it was causing a lot of pain and migraines). Missy was pretty scared so I offered to hold her hand and my phone can play songs, so what better time to listen to Jack Jonson (I love him!). The music calmed her down and at that point I decided that if my Jack could calm someone during a wisdom tooth extraction, then I will listen to him when I give birth... whenever that may be. Anyhow the dentist said that wisdom teeth aren't really good for anything and just cause problems. I agree, but my dentist told me (a while back) that I didn't need to take mine out, and they were "just fine", Yay for me! So the actual extraction took maybe 10 seconds, what took the most time was loosening up the tooth itself. Boy, was it a huge sucker! I think she got to keep it as a souvenir.
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On another note...

Tomorrow is my first clinical day at the Behavioral Center. Since we are studying mental health we get to work with the mentally ill. I'm pretty excited but it is completely different from working in a regular hospital treating the medically ill. I dont have to check blood pressure or other vitals, I dont have to administer medication, I just get to talk, which is what I do best. I'll let y'all know how that goes. Anyhow I guess I should go to bed so that I can wake up early, got to my interview (I hope I get hired, and I hope they will work with my schedule) then go the the behavioral center at 1pm.
G'Night Yall!

XOXO
CYN

Long time no blog (on Blogger)

So It's been a while since I have blogged on here. I've really only kept up my myspace blog. Sheila is usually the only one that gets me motivated to blog on here and since I left Corpus, I never really kept up with it. But now, she's back and I just might start blogging again. Well alot has happened so I think instead of just giving a nutshell version, which is what I prolly should do, Im just gonna go ahead and copy and paste most of the blogs...

here goes...

August 30, 2008 - Saturday
Drunk Cinderella Current mood: adventurous
So first off let me just say, no, I'm not the "Drunk Cinderella". We (Nora, Missy, and myself) decided to go out late this evening after some plans to go out to a sports bar and grill fell through. Aside from being pretty "bitchy" and "bossy" today, it was pretty good. The waitresses were rude and pissing me off and if it wasnt for my drink that mellowed me out a little, I probably would have ripped her a new asshole. There was a funny part of the evening, a woman (pathetically drunk) exited the ladie's room wearing no shoes. actually, one shoe was in her hand. She stops by a table next to ours and although I didnt really understand her, she was holding this cheap high heel in her hand. She was talking to the guys, I think they were gay but not that it makes any difference. At first I understood that she was so drunk she couldnt put on her shoe herself and was seeking help from one of the men to assist her. Well that wasnt the case. She was actually looking for Cinderella, I think she thought one of the gay guys was Cinderella. Anyhow, another guy was like come over here and Ill help you put on your shoe. She wanted him to try on the shoe to see if it fit, and I think he was gay too and was like "honey, that shoe wouldnt fit me, I need like a size 14 (do they make that size in women's shoes?)" so then everyone was laughing while she was trying to find Cinderella, when I guess in drunken reality, she was her. Anyways, I'm not that good at telling stories, you had to be there. That's why I dont get shit faced in public (98% of the time, hey... we all have our moments lol). Night went well. Tomorrows a new adventure.
On another note, school is going great! I love mental health. I am so ready to psycho-analyze everything and everyone. Wanna be my next victim? It's crazy (no pun intended) how everyone can be manic or psychotic or whatever when you break it down. SCAREY! Well that's everyone except me. Nah just kidding. I'm a little compusive to certain things but enough that. I have my first exam on Tuesday, so that means I gotta hit the books hardcore! Yup that's some serious cram sessions with my study group. Anyhoo, I guess It's almost 5 am so that means I should prolly go to bed, but that also means I prolly wont.
Oh yea, update on the cancer thing... so far so good... everything is stable, chemo meds lowered, but I think I already blogged about that. Ummm. Blood levels good... whatelse... Guess that's.

XOXO

CYN

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August 25, 2008 - Monday
Wiggin Out! Current mood: happy
So before I get to grams, let me just say I had a pretty good day at school. I thought it was gonna be about 2 hours of orientation then go home. Well it was a full day of orientation and lecture. Super boring, but once we got to the lecture part and the explanation of our clinical rotation, it got pretty interesting. I learned alot and took a shit load of notes. I was pretty irritated to find our instructor wanted us to pay 28 bucks for the syllbus. Pretty stupid if you ask me being that we are charged fees for using the library printing services. So some of the smart people (like myself) got together, pitched in and all bought a book together, someone is gonna scan it and then we get copies. I'd rather pay 5 bucks as opposed to 28, and well I'm not the one who has to scan it so I will gladly offer my 5 bucks. I got to see my old friends, it seemed like forever, lol. Ok it was only like 3 months and I spoke to most of them over the summer. I'm pretty excited to learn psychiatric-mental health nursing. Pretty cool of you ask me. Enough about school.
Upon arriving home, I see my aunt pulling out of the driveway. She rolls down the window and I asked if grams went to go get her wig. She did. Aiden was in the car. I opened the door to give him a hug and ask him how his first day of school went. He said he went to the "Rocket school" that's the one by his house. He looked so handsome and I said "wow, baby! you look cool, I bet you were the coolest one there, huh? He replied, "yup, I sure do look sharp, dont I?" I said you sure do hun! I need a boyfriend that looks as good as you do." He said no one looks as good as he does. I guess vanity does run in our family, I try to be modest though, lol. I hurry inside because I am anxious to see how chemo went today and to see the new wig. Grams was pretty excited. She got a few bandanas donated by some of the "winter texans", she got some literature on nutrition (she's stoked about that), and she was happy to hear that the American Cancer Society has this seminar to make women fighting cancer boost their self esteem. She really wants to go. She went on to explain to this seminar helps with tips on styling your wig, applying make up and so on. She is pretty interested in finding a support group that she can attend so that she can find people to relate to and "comadriar" (if there is such a word in spanish) with other ladies going through a similar experience. Anyhow she's pretty excited. I tried to take a pic of her in her new wig, she really didnt want to so I took one of myself sporting it. I must admit I look pretty cute! I'm gonna be a hot grandma! just kidding. Unfortunately I have the task of having to shave off grams' head so she can wear her new wig, at least that's what the lady recommended before grams wears it. I guess Ill be doing that in a bit. I need to call Sheila to borrow Angel's clippers and I need to look up some support groups that grams can join, I think I might try going with her to a few. Oh yea! I forgot to mention that grams was told that her WBCs increased significantly and that her chemo will be lowered. That is always a great sign!
Here's what I might look like in about 40 years

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August 24, 2008 - Sunday
Bald can be SEXY
Yesterday (if I remember correctly, and I also dont remember if I already blogged about this, I have been scatter brained lately and dont remember much of anything) I took grams all morning trying to find a place that sells scarves to cover her head. We went everywhere including the dollar stores. All we could find was bandanas, so my grams looks gangsta! lol, just kidding. She didnt find what she wanted so she bought two one in purple and one in blue. I called the American Cancer Society and they have this free service where you can walk in and pick some stuff out, whether it be a turban (I think that's how you spell it), wig, bandana, hats, or scarves. They dont open till Monday. I kept urging her to just wait instead of spending money on bandanas. She insisted and since my body felt tired I didnt argue. Well we got home and she sewed up her crafty bandana creation and asked if she could have one of my headbands. I said sure, but since they are very thin, it broke. She got another one, it broke. I have some wider ones but she said they wouldnt work. She wore her bandana and rocked it! I called her a PO Boy/Girl (it's one of the local gangs, their colors are blue and whatever, she was wearing the blue one) jokingly, of course she laughed. She asked me today if I could go run some errands for her, get her a few things, stop by the church (actually I was supposed to take her but since it's sunday and mass is held today, she decided not to go to avoid the people and their cooties, she's pretty susceptable to everything right now) to pray and take home some holy water. I went to visit my Nana (great grams, 99) at the hospital, she is recoverying from pneumonia and other infections/illnesses. She looks bad but still has a sense of humor. I could barely understand her and just sorta nodded and giggled when she did. I fed her her food, it looked crappy but she sure did enjoy her berry cobbler. We held hands and I caressed her soft, paper thin skin. After a while there I was off to run the errands grams asked me to do. I stopped by St. Judes church (had my personal time with God) got the holy water, then ran off to get some groceries and some better headbands for gram's bandanas. I got home and she showed me how the new headbands work better. It's a good thing that she decided to get the headbands instead of waiting untill tomorrow becuase within 24 hours she lost about 50 percent of her hair. She showed me and it scared me a little, I could only imagine the emotions she's going through. Just last week she had hair, tomorrow she might not have any left. She lifted her bandana and chunks literally came off and fell to the floor. I guess reality is sinking in. She's a fighter so I have all the hope in the world that she'll get through this. She goes for some chemo tomorrow and a few more times this week, I think she's gonna go with my aunt to get her wig or whatever she wants at the American Cancer Society. When she mentioned she might be bald tomorrow I said. "hey, bald can be sexy!" and giggled. She gave me her "Ay, Cynthia" look and shook her head. I guess if I can make someone laugh with random stuff then I'm doing something to make them feel better, even for just a little bit. I think that's what I do best. Anyhow, I'm pretty beat. I'll keep yall posted.
Cyn

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August 21, 2008 - Thursday
Week 3 Current mood: happy
I took grams to the doctor this morning. She woke me up pretty early, well actually , I was already awake but she was ready to leave the house, she always wants to be on time (like an hour early). I got ready about an two and half hours before the actual appointment, we got there early, and we waited awhile. It was pretty quick, just a shot to help increase her WBCs (white blook cells). She starts treatment again on monday, I have orientation (I think) so I probably wont be going with her. She's doing great. She has a little cough, I'm not sure if that's the cancer or allergies. Well her hair is starting to fall out already. I was joking with her and I told her that she is starting to loose as much hair as I do (doctor says it's stress, I didnt think I had stress), she just kinda giggled. While we were waiting in the lobby a lot of women had scarves or bandanas covering their head. She was describing what she wanted. I told grams that if I ever got cancer (God forbid) I would sport the bald look. I told her I would tattoo my head instead. She just shook her head and said I was crazy. I jokingly said I would take her to get her first tattoo, she laughed, threw her hands up, shook her head again and said "Ay Cynthia" and then she was called in. She is such a strong woman, actually I have a family full of strong women (it makes me proud!), I guess that's where I get it from, lol, jk. Well, I guess that's it for now, we'll see how next week goes, she probably wont be eating much for the next week and half.
Peace!
Cyn
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August 20, 2008 - Wednesday
Runnin on empty Current mood: restless
Well I just got back from school a while ago and tired as hell! I've slept about two hours in the past 30, my mind is tired but my body isnt, or is it vice versa? At this point I dont really know, all I do know is I need to lay down but I probably wont fall asleep. I left about 0730 this morning to go run some errands, went to the school, got my books, etc. A diazepam is sounding pretty nice right now, maybe tonight, or maybe some wine (tonight, that is). I need to get back into a normal sleeping routine now that school starts on monday. I was talking to a friend and I heard that the first half of the semester is a walk in the park compared to level I, which means I may actually get some sleep, but who knows. I am ready for this summer to be over, I got pretty lazy; procrastinated on finding a job (still procrastinating), put of tuition to the last minute (by some miracle I received some financial aid), I didnt refresh my skills for school, and so on, you know how it is!
Im starting to get "home sick", well I'm not sure if that's what you call it since Teague technically isnt my home. What I mean is I miss my mom and I miss my brother. I havent really spent time with him for a couple months due to certain circumstances but tough love hurts. I talk to my mom everyday but it's not the same. I saw her last month for my brother's wedding but the weekend was so chaotic that we didnt get to spend "QT" together or atleast not enough. Maybe Ill spend thanksgiving up there.
Back to school... I'm pretty excited starting back up. the first half of the semester is mental health followed by Med/Surg. I think Im gonna miss The Heart Hospital, perhaps cardiac will be my specialty, well see.
Well I guess I'm just rambling for the sake of wasting time, I'm gonna stop now. I need a MONSTER XXL so I can function! Im off to the store...

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August 14, 2008 - Thursday
Chemo- Week 2 Current mood: excited
Well the week started off on a bad note. Grams' appetite was seriously declining. All of us were on edge and everyone was taking her out to eat so she wouldnt loose anymore weight. Nothing was appetizing to her and everyone would try and encourage her to eat but nothing seemed to work. She kept up with her boost and ensure shakes adding some whole milk to up the calories, she was eating sorbet, seemed to be about the only thing she could eat. My BFF kept my spirits up this week and it helped that she also tried to encourage my grams to eat, afterall she she knows what its like to have a loved one fighting cancer. Her dad passed away a few years ago from it and although I dont know what it's like, I did see how fast it can defeat someone. I encourage her to eat atleast every two hours and she kinda fights it but nonetheless she tries. She has been off treatment this week but has had alot of blood work to make sure her levels are good. Yesterday was great but today was even better. She has been eating nonstop, granted it is small portions but after hardly eating for a week I'm pretty sure that stomache as shrunk a little. She wants to eat everything in the weirdest combinations. I joked with her earlier telling her she's eating like a pregnant woman. She just had spaghetti in a tortilla with cucumbers in vinegar. I dont know about that one but at this point who cares, she's eating. Now we are off to pizza hut, who knows what shell be in the mood for there, maybe pudding on her pizza with a cup of coffee. lol. Just kidding. Oh yea, she really likes those V8 smoothies. YUM! Ill keep yall posted, thanks for the prayers and keep em coming!
Love ya,

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August 7, 2008 - Thursday
Tired Current mood: tired
Well it's Thursday night! I wish I was out right about now. I feel pretty tired yet I cant sleep. Eh, What's new? I actually watched some television, well I put on a movie anyhow. It was pretty good. I dont remember the last time I actually turned my t.v. on, I had to dust it off. So I watched Attonement. Very good I must say. I had some popcorn and a pickle, YUM! Almost like watching a movie at the theater, well no, not really. They called me from this job I had an interview at, I turned it down. Well I guess I'm gonna lay down and see how long it takes me to fall asleep.
G'night!
Cyn
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Chemo- End of Week 1 Current mood: hopeful
So treatment is going well, I believe grams has another treatment tomorrow, then she gets to rest for two weeks. Her strength is up, she has some how managed to loose another pound and a half. Her appetite is not so good. I went to the grocery store to get her some more of those ensure shakes with extra calories so she can try and maintain her weight. Nothing seems appetizing to her and I guess she's just eating just to eat, but barely. Other than that, everything is going well. We went to the church today to set up a mass for her. Her faith as well as ours will get her through this.

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August 5, 2008 - Tuesday
Week 1, day 2
So far so good, she's doing well... no signs of weakness. Keeping up her appetite, remaining active. I didnt go with her today, my aunt did. All is well!

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August 4, 2008 - Monday
Chemo-Week 1-day 1
Well Grams had her first chemo session today, It went surprisingly well. We got to the doctor's around 0900, they started blood work, started her on her meds and she didnt get out till past 1600. I had less than an hour of sleep but managed to get my ass up and ready to accompany her along with my grandfather for some moral support. I listened to my ipod and remeber desperatly wanting some sleep, I was enticed to go lay down in the truck despite the heat. You know when you start to fall asleep and then you get that huge twitch and it wakes you up? Well, my grams was laughing at me cause I couldnt stay awake, and I was doing the whole "neck rool", it reminded me of my dad (thank God those days are over). She finally went in and they said it was gonna be about three hours which turned into 7. We went home while we waited and I got a call for for an interview and some testing, I was hoping I would get a wink of sleep but didnt for fear of not waking up in time. That lasted a good 4 hours, I feel it could have gone better, but due to my lack of sleep, I really couldnt function as well. I got home and grams was just getting out. She said she felt ok, no complaints. They stopped by KFC cause she had a craving, I guess one of the patients took in a bucket of chicken, lol. I'm not sure I'm going with her to her appointment tomorrow, my aunt is going and they are gonna let her go in with her. Overall today went as great as can be expected. I just woke up from a nap, I needed my beauty rest, jk. Tomorrow is another day.

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July 31, 2008 - Thursday
I think I left the fun in CC Current mood: bored
I just realized that I've been a super-momma LAMO since I got back from CC and IM NOT LIKING IT! I havent done anything worth getting excited about, I havent gotten into any trouble, and what else can I say other than I am so freakin bored. It's not that I dont work, cause well, I havent worked in a really long time. I suppose I could meet some interesting people if I got a job, but I could also meet some interesting people if I went out more. I think Ive been in "homebody mode" since I got back. I shoulda made it out to Farrah's one last time before coming home, gotten a "fix" so to speak, maybe well take a trip up, well see. I go out but just to "chill". Schools gonna start back up, and I need to splurge before I become chained to the books. SAVE ME!!!!

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July 29, 2008 - Tuesday
Super Boring Tuesday!
I had a rough night, not gonna go into details or anything but I didnt sleep much. Not that that's any news (we all know know I suffer from insomnia). All week I was supposed to be watching my cousins baby. He's the cutest 4 month old in the world. Anyhow, so he was supposed to be dropped off anywhere between 0630 to 0700 throughout the week. I had plans Monday, wasnt gonna stay home. I got a call asking me for a huge favor. I go home so I dont have to wake up extra early to make it home by 0630, baby doesnt show up. Last night the same. Wasnt gonna stay home, I had been running around McAllen picking up Aiden from school then taking him to baseball practice. So I was gonna stay in McAllen, but because of the babysitting thing I made a commitment so I went home. I wake up at 6am take Troy out, I get a call, no baby. It's kinda frustrating being that I rearrange my schedule and I cancel my plans so I can watch this baby, and people dont follow through with plans. I hate that. I'm not gonna worry about.
Today was a long, but boring day. I had to deal with school stuff. Took care of that, I went from Weslaco to McAllen back to Alamo. That took most of the day. I grabbed a $1 drink from McDonald's cause it was so hot! Why McDonald's you ask? Well that's cause it tastes like it has Vodka in it. Well the diet coke does anyways. I made that observation during the semester when Claudia and I would stop and get breakfast. I always thought it was cause I had just brushed my teeth, but nope, it just tastes like it has vodka. My aunt said it tastes like whisky but I'm gonna stick to my guns. So on a stressful day when I dont really feel like drinking, I grab a DC from McD's. Yum! Satisfys the craving. Not that I crave alcohol like an alcoholic, but who doesnt like a cocktail when theyre stressed? Ok, well I'm not really stressed either. Anyhow, yea, I got my shit for school handled. I'm registered, took care of all that paperwork stuff, and now all I got left is to pay my tuition, and books. Anyone wanna pay it for me? just kidding. That is a nice thought though. I was looking through the catalog and I noticed that I only had two classes for a degree in Chemistry. Hmmm. Organic Chem I & II. Uh yeah, I dont think so, Nursing is tough as it is, besides Chem wont do anything for me, just like the two degrees I already got. Unless one wants to go into teaching and I dont, so with that being said, lets move on.
I'm supposed to go the market right now to grab a few things, I keep putting it off. My excuse right now is that my nails are drying. Earlier it was something else. Im bored and I just keep typing so I dont have to go, but I gotta, so Im gone.
Peace!
Cyn

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July 25, 2008 - Friday
Rough Times. : ( Current mood: sick
To start off I've been sick for the past three days, I've been fighting a temperature day and night and up until today, I wasn't able to keep anything down, but now another reflex has kicked in (I know, I know TMI). I feel like crap and I'm hungry. I managed to have cup of bananas with apples early this morning but as soon as I put it down, I ran to the RR. My body aches and it feels like the flu. I have come to the conclusion that my insomnia has compromised my immunity making me susceptible to what ever virus that has decided to make my life a living hell. I guess it could be worse. To make matters worse, I get very dramatic when I'm sick. I like to be babied, who doesn't? I have practically barricaded my self in my room with Jack Johnson keeping me company 24/7 (Thanks J. for your impeccable taste in music). Rikki visited today, not knowing I was "sicky", but the company was great!
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Today was my Nana's (great-grandmother) 99th birthday. They had a birthday party for her at her rehabilitation facility. It had a great turn out and while I was reluctant to go due to my "flu", I scraped up the strength to get ready and go celebrate; After all, how many times does your GG turn 99 (Ok, I know only once, but how many people actually have a GG)? I am very fortunate to have her in my life. She is truly a blessing. My fever decided to break as soon as I got there so I began to sweat profusely. Not a pretty sight. I tried to stay away from everyone so I wouldn't get anyone sick, especially the elderly.

Well as far as the hurricane, fortunately we didn't have any damage. There was a lot of debris and one tree broke in half. It was pretty cool we were all sitting outside when it broke. I was very irritated from being sick and having lost power for a good 24 hours. It was extremely humid, and I think I changed my sheets a good three times through out the night (I hate sticky sheets!). Sheila and I decided to drive around the town to see what damage was caused and take some cool pics because we were so bored. Well I guess that's it for now.
Laterz,

Cyn

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July 20, 2008 - Sunday
GET OUTTA MY GRILL!
I came by Rikki's today so we could have a girly day. And by girly day, I aint jokin. A day full of girly love movies and a night of drinking and boy bashing. (OOOH I cant wait!) I even made the perfect playlist for the night! Booz and booty shakin!
Aiden sure did crack me up today, I kept telling him I was in desperate need of a hug (he usually throws in a kiss too) but this time he didnt want to. He was on a mission, not sure what that was but I guess I was bothering him cause he yells from the living room "Get outta my grill." I sit up and I look at Rikki and I say "what the hell does he know about grillz". He's a freakin riot. We played catch outside becuase he was really bored and said we were the "Astros" like his team. And now he wants me to play golf with him. It's kinda hot so Im reluctant to go back out, not to mention the heat burns the sunburn that I alrady got yesterday from his game. I hear him calling, Cyndia (he does that on purpose), are you ready yet to go out and play baseball? how can I resist those puppy eyes. Again, arent you gonna play with me? I guess I cant keep ignoring him. Im off to play baseball and golf...
Tootles...
Cyn

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July 13, 2008 - Sunday
oN a MiSSiOn
I was surprised to find that I had actually slept all the way through 4 a.m. Perhaps it was the drive that got me tired, perhaps it was the crash from my Monster, well, no, I dont think it was my monster, I never really crash from it, and its not the one with all that sugar. I like the "blue" one. Anyhow I woke up at approximately 4:20, no, no significance to "Happy Time", that's not my thing, it was however, the time on my phone when I looked at it. So I return a few text messages, yes, at 4 in the morning. I managed to sleep through a few, so I'm pretty sure they wont wake up. Anyhow, my brain really isnt functioning right now, but I am focused enough to be on a mission. I had this stinging sensation between the eyes, OMG a blemish. Perhaps it was my glasses, or could it be that I have recently tweezed and now I have an ingrown, mostly caused by my glasses? Hmmm. I really dont know but I am pretty much tearing up my room trying to find this acne medication that is probably expired, that is because I hardly use any, dont remember the last time I did, and it doesnt help that I havent been home most of the summer so I completely forgot where everything is. I've gone through every drawer, every corner I can think of. I know I'll probably find it next week sometime when I stop looking for it. I guess I'll just resort to toothpaste (I think I saw on tv that toothpaste really doenst work) or some crushed aspirin, or who the hell gives a damn anyway. Why am I so concerned about a freakin pimple that can barely be seen (you'll be able to see it later cause I'll keep messin with it). I guess I can lay back down and try to sleep, which I know wont happen. Anyways I've spent awhile looking and a couple minutes blogging. Eh. Good Night! Or Morning!

No Place Like Home

So I'm finally home, for good this time. I finally got into the valley around 1630 (for those who dont know military time that is 4:30, but I might as well have typed that to begin with cause I just typed all this...). Anyhow, upon entering Harlingen (or was it leaving Harlingen?) I see two ladies on the side of the road and and two city cops behind them, they are out of their vehicles, and of course I thought, "eh, great, they are holding up traffic, dumb bitches"...I pass them, but I look in the rear view mirror and what do I see? 2 cops helping these ladies fix a flat. Now I didnt realize it took two men to change 1 tire (BTW, I can change a tire, woot woot! All by myself!) but that really wasnt the point. Now there really isnt a point at all other than it is good to see these men helping out someone rather than stalking drivers in the "work zones" like prey so they can meet their quota. I did, however, enjoy watching these nice men in their uniforms (yea I'm a sucker for a man in uniform). It was only for a moment though cause I dont like to rubber neck, it just causes accidents, slows traffic even more, then I get really irate, and that is not a pretty picture. Well I didnt get to see their faces but their butts looked kinda cute if I must say. Well my hat's off to them for helping out helpless women and enduring this valley heat. Gosh I miss Corpus already, I could feel the heat near Riviera and I knew I was close to home.

So now that I'm home I'm on a mission:

1. Gotta find a job. I'm pretty sure I have a pretty good shot at this

particular one but I dont wanna count my eggs.

2. Get rid of my gas guzzling truck. I obviously need a more econimical car with these blood sucking gas prices, next thing you know, they'll be asking for first borns.

3. Take care of some stuff for school. Gotta pay tuition, books, probably more uniforms, more supplies, etc...

4. Noah needs a hair cut. He looks like a homeless pup I picked up from "little Mexico". (For those who dont know where "little Mexico" is, it's like the part of my town, that nobody really goes to, It's where the immigrants go and call "home")

5. I'm sure I'll come up with a few more.

Tomorrow is Girls Night Out! YEAH! We were supposed to go to Skean Dhu but Aiden starts t-ball so we are just gonna chill at Rikki's. I'm not sure if I blogged about my 5 liter box of wine on here or on blogger, but anyhow I'll recap... I bought a 5 liter box all for MYSELF! No, I didnt get to finish it, what kinda girl do you take me for? But now its gonna go to waste cause I dont think Sheila will finish it or drink it for that matter. BOOOO! I think were having the usual tomorrow, V W/ DC. Anyhooo, I'm fueled up at the moment cause I drank one of those Monster Grenades, well that's what I call 'em cause they have a resealable cap and if you put it in your purse and it kinda shakes a little, when you open it, it makes a really loud noise. I think Im gonna shut up now!

Chatoic Weekend

So this week will most likely be my last week in Corpus. ::sighs:: I guess my services are no longer needed. Sheila’s mom will be coming into town to take over and help pack with the move and all. I am kinda home sick. Well, no, not really but I do miss my family and my friends, and Newman’s, and Rikki, and, and… so on. So this means I gotta go home and find a job for a month, lol, at least until school starts back up in August. Corpus was great and my friends were great but it is definitely not like before. I think I had different expectations. I think I wanted to feel the feeling of “home”, like it did when I lived here, but truth of the matter is that it isn’t “home” anymore, at least at the moment. Who knows, maybe once I’m done with school I’ll come back and make it home, or maybe I’ll go somewhere else, what matters now is that I go home and finish school and make all my dreams come true.
My trip home this weekend went well. Although it went by incredibly fast, I did get to spend time with mom. I really missed her, she wanted me to go home with her but I had to explain that I had other commitments. The wedding was this weekend. What can you do? So my brother got hitched and I guess all I can say is that I wish him well. The reception was on Sunday. I drank and put on a “happy” face. Enough said about that. If you missed the drama (No, I didn’t make a fool of myself or cause the drama), I care not to repeat it. I left with a mild anxiety attack (; {) needing a cigarette or two to cut the edge (wiser alternative to Xanax). Well I guess that’s it for now.

Peace!
Cyn

Midnight Ramblings

It's almost 3 a.m., I actually tried going to bed early today since my mother will be in town today. I don't usually go to bed until 4 maybe 5 sometimes 6 a.m. Unfortunately I suffer from insomnia. My usual sleeping pattern involves jumping in bed close to four 'cause that's what time Angel (my cousin) wakes up for work and for fear of him waking up and walking out into the living room naked or in his "unnawares". So I hop in bed and turn on my ipod full blast so it is just loud enough that I can hear it with out having those earbuds in my ears (this helps with the awkward silence) and I play those stupid trivia quizzes on the ipod or I'll play wheel of fortune on my phone. I then hear the alarm goes off, at that point I try to close my eyes, sing a couple songs and then I fall asleep (I have discovered that if I sing to songs it keeps my mind from racing therefore putting me in a meditative state). The people upstairs are usually awake at this time too, so I hear their kid running around and the plumbing. Then around 6 or 7 I never really look at the time, Sheila's alarm goes off. I hear it and occasionally hear her jamming out to M.C., I fall back asleep. Now after typing all this I am not exactly sure why, I think my hands have a mind of their own. So anyhow I woke up cause it's so freakin hot. There's no worse way to wake up than in a sweat. Gross! I live with my grandparents since I left my ex and decided to go home and finish school. I slept in the guest room because my room is very hot only to wake up hot in there. Sheila lives in an igloo and I love it, I don't usually wake up sweating at her place.

Today is 4th of July, Happy Independence Day! I don't know what my plans are but I know that I will be spending a great deal of time with my mother. I miss her and have not seen her since mid March. My head hurts, I think I am dehydrated from sweating. I HATE sweating, now I have to jump in the shower to feel refreshed only to sweat again once I get out. I don't know what to type anymore, I'm just kinda venting here.

Cheap Wine and Cigarettes

Sometime last week I decided to buy one of those 5 liter boxes of wine at the local market and some cigarettes, oh yea and useless make up brushes solely for the reason that they were on sale for $0.99, but that's a whole other story. I told Sheila that by the time school started back up I was gonna be a "wino/a"; hey, it runs in my blood. It had been a while since I had a drink and I was just kinda in the mood. I decided I feel like drinking tonight. So while the kids are asleep and Angel is giving Sheila a butt massage, I will be outside on the patio drinking my wine and smoking till my lungs are black. I guess I'll make up for lost time when I was pretending to quit for three weeks.

Did I mention Sheila's kids are saints? Seriously, they are. Sometimes I wish they cave me a run for my money, I'm not complaining or anything, but aren't kids supposed make you wanna pull your hair out and curse 'em out? And drink? I cant wait till I have my own kids. Sheila says I can have hers, but they are too good, so good that sometimes I forget that they are here. I know my kids will be hell raisers, if they are anything like me. Now, I was a good kid but that's only because my mom was a single mom and I didn't want to cause the havoc that was lurking beneath my skin so I channelled it elsewhere. When I moved out on my own, the inner demon surfaced.

On another note...
My brother is getting married this weekend. What a Loser! Perhaps it's the cynic in me but Love is most certainly tragic. Well that's what I've gatherered from previous relationships. I asked him why he is getting married (did i mention everyone hates her?) and he didnt say he loved her, he said becuase he has been with her long enough. Not exactly a good reason to get married if you ask me. Anyhow, it's his life. I will put on a fake smile and a black dress and watch my brother throw his life away to an uneducated (no, she hasnt finished h.s. and doesnt want a GED) 20 year old who cant even wipe her own ass. So this wedding means I have to drive home, I guess I'll go home tomorrow night. A couple more hours till WINE:30. YAY for me!

Walmart Mayhem

After dropping off my maternal grandfather his Father's Day goodie basket, I decided to go to Walmart for a few things like dog food, some frijoles for tomorrows festivities, and an ice cream cake. Well I pretty much figured out I was S.O.L. on the ice cream cake which meant I needed to run by H.E.B. to get one. I didn't know what I was in for. I decided to take my sweet time browsing through the isles, put some stuff back, you know… the whole buyer's remorse bit, then pile more things in. I decide that I am finally ready and besides, if I forgot something, I could get it at H.E.B. By this time I was already frustrated and about to go ballistic with one of my anxiety attacks when I saw the lines. OH MY FREAKIN… yeah, the lines were long, too freakin' long. I start sweating profusely because I can't stand crowds, I can't stand to hear a the noise pollution caused by griping couples, screaming children, annoying people on their stupid Nextel walkie-talkie phones, and so on. Does management not anticipate the rush before the holiday? They need to get a clue because this happens every time, there were perhaps only 6 open lanes in the whole walmart not including cosmetics, jewelry, and garden. Uh, Hello! Do they think I actually have almost 2 hours to stand in line? Well I don't. And even if I did I wouldn't use my time standing in a line. I debated leaving but then the very thought having to do it all over again tomorrow made me cringe, and my dogs needed the food, although I'm pretty sure they would have definitely enjoyed brisket for the day. I try to keep it cool and not lash out at anyone and I start chatting with the lady behind me… "This is so ridiculous, they need to open more registers" she agrees and then states "why are we like the only walmart that does not have a self check out isle", I reply, "cause this is Alamo". She giggles and answers her phone call. I make it out finally and am regretting the fact that I need to go pick up the cake. H.E.B. is not that bad. I run in and run out. I get the cake. Whew! I make it home. And here I am. I survived walmart mayhem.

Father's Day

So I am driving home today, for Father's Day weekend. And while I dont have this storybook relationship with my dad, ya know the daddy's little princess one, I still try, sometimes I try so hard that I dont think it's worth it. Actually I should probably driving home to my mom's who was always there for me, who was the daddy when mine wasnt, which was most of the time. I guess there is still a lot of resentment that I have ignored over the years. Let's not fool myself... Actually I miss my grams, and my dogs. Since I dont have kids, my dogs sorta fill my maternal gap. I baby them, talk to them, feed them, bathe them, and while dogs are no where comparable to kids, they are mine and I miss them. As you can see I avoid any talking about my dad and I try to detour every chance I get. So lets stick to the subject. Dads. I have a hard time finding father's day cards because the words never really say what I feel, and I wouldnt even consider making one becuase I dont even know where to begin about how I feel. Dont get me wrong, I love my dad, there was a point where I didnt, but as an adult I have learned to forgive, I am working on trying to forget, but that can be hard. We have a weird relationship, our quality time consists of me going to his house sitting on the couch and starring at his huge hdtv pretending I am actually interested. We dont talk, we stare and when he says things I cant understand cause he's sa mumbler, I pretend like I understand and nod and say "yeah" and "oh" untill he stares at me weird and knows I'm not paying attention. I'm not complaining, this is as good as its gonna get, and I can accept that. I know, I know, at least I have a father and some people dont and would give anything to spend one more minute with theirs. There was a point in my life when things started changing. I was gonna have a baby and he would call me every day to check up on me. That was so weird. My dad actually showed emotion for once in his life. Of course do to the circumstances, that ended, when well you know, happened. Things just turned around and went back to the way they were. I'm ok with that I guess, I mean do I really have a choice? He's a "grandpa" by the way. When he remarried his wife's daughter was pregnant and well now the boy is three, and he is a great kid by all means, but sometimes it's just gets hard to accept. My family knows I have issues, major ones, but I get by living my life for me and I know that one day I may have a family of my own. I have realized that in every relationship I compare them to my dad. I need someone who is not my father, no where near him, but somehow in their own little way, they are just like my dad. I have yet to find one who isnt. I make this realization and I turn around and run like hell and never look back. I dont let myself by happy. This whole relationship with my dad has totally changed me. I have commitment issues and at the same time I have abandonment issues (ok, so he didnt just up and leave, but he was never around), followed by trust issues and so on. I know one day, I will meet someone who is not like him and will be a great dad, the dad that mine wanst. So I will go home and put on a happy face, and celebrate father's day. I admire all those father's who were there for their children, football games, volley ball games, and so on. I admire those who take responsibility for their children and love them, and read them bed time stories, and tuck them in at night. So happy father's day to them and to mothers who struggle and take on the role of both parents. Happy father's day!

Philosophy

"Philosophy: falling in love doesn’t begin with falling in love with others; it begins with falling in love with ourselves. Loving ourselves is healthy and as god intended. Learn to deeply and fully cherish your heart, your soul and your body and only then will you understand what it is to truly love another."

Coming to terms with imperfection is by all means the greatest gift; the gift of self actualization. I’ve spent a long time trying to hide my imperfections and perfect them, but I realize that imperfection can be beautiful. Who is anyone to judge that, judge me? I am only who I let you see, but there is much more beneath my skin that certain people would rather ignore or try to find out. I am tired of feeling insecure and second guessing myself. I am tired of running away from what makes me happy for fear of being left first. After all, it sort of makes sense. I guess that’s why everyone does it; leave before they leave you, that way its not your heart that gets broken. My insecurities have definitely left me feeling half empty, and I must retrain myself to believe that I can be loved and let myself be loved. This means I must love myself first, not that I don’t, but I must admit that I, alone bring myself down.

The Nanny Diaries

So If I haven't already mentioned, I am watching my cousins kids for the summer. I had an awesome day planned for us beginning with Cole Park. This is just a huge park located on the ocean front. It's cool, really, it's got a skate park for Dom and Devyn, and a nice play area for Miah, a cool pier, and a track that I should definitely take advantage of. Sheila sent me a text this morning that there was a shooting out there. OMG! There goes my fun plan. Well I'm pretty sure it wasn't at the park but down the ocean front which stretches for several miles. I was also gonna take the kids to the humane society so we could selflessly donate our time and walk a few abandoned animals, but Miah's got some allergies. I'll see if I can find her allergy meds so that way we could go. I think this would be a great experience for them and teach them about animal advocacy. Before you go there, No, I'm not one of those people picketing outside of KFC, but I do believe that all animals have rights too. If all else fails, there's the pool, the kids have a blast there regardless, and we don't even have to leave.



So I'm not home sick yet or anything but I am missing my babies dearly. I'm not sure if they will last all summer cause they have separation anxiety. The last time I left them they stopped eating and got very sick.. The pic is of Devyn (Sheila's baby), Noah my Maltese and Troy my Chi-Pom, and yes he's a savage beast, hence the muzzle)



Well I guess I'm done blabbing for now, let me get back to the kiddos.

Peace!
XOXO
CYN

First Blog

Ok well let me start of by introducing myself... So, my name is Cyn, I like to think I'm funny, but that's cause that's what everyone tells me. Actually, I'm just silly and I do silly things to entertain myself because I get really bored with ordinary people and also cause I have self diagnosed myself with ADD, no, not ADHD cause well as you can see, I've got a few pounds I could spare to loose, and well back to ADD cause I cant focus as you can probably see. As a student nurse I tend to self diagnose myself cause I think I know it all and well I have turned myself into a hypochondriac because of this. I'm also a real life bobble head, this is because I cant focus long enough to actually pay attention. As most people, I have the gift of selective hearing only I tend to overuse it; I pretend to listen, I tune in and out of conversations because my mind races at the speed of light and I am constantly thinking of useless bullshit, and I nod like a bobble head to make you think I am actually paying attention sometimes I actually throw in an "Uh uh" or "yea" here and there to make it more believable. This always gets me in trouble as you might imagine but only with those who are smart enough to catch on.

So I've been blogging for a while only I do it on myspace so I might just import some of my blogs that I think are worth reading.

Umm lets see... I am out of school for the summer. I had a hard time finding a job cause I think I'm overqualified for most of the jobs that are available in my area. So instead of waiting around for a shitty job to come up, I decided to babysit for my cousin and his wife, Sheila (I would like to take this opportunity to thank Sheangel for introducing me to the wonderful world of google blog). They have three wonderful children (they are actually the best behaved kids I've ever met!) They literally take care of themselves, I think I'm just around cause I know CPR, lol... just kidding Sheila! Anyhow, the reason I decided to move in with Sheila 3 hours away from home is because, I used to live here before I split with one of my ex's (this one was the potential husband that wasn't) almost 2 years ago. This was home for the past 7 years and I miss it and my old friends. Well I guess I will sign off for now!

Peace!
XOXO
CYN