Thursday, March 11, 2010


“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.”

I HATE when I start to dwell on my future. I've been through this before and aside from it holding me back, it really gets my nerves on edge and truthfully, its the last thing I need right now. I have a final tomorrow for my Leadership and Managment class. I've studied for it and I feel good about it, but that is the least of my worries. I have approximately one month left of my Med/Surg class before I start preceptorship, which I've already selected my options: ER at the main trauma center near my hometown, or the ER at a local children's hospital... What can I say, I like the rush. Before I can even allow myself to get excited about it much less think about preceptorship I need to get through the course. I have this constant fear that I'm not gonna make it. The way I see it is that this fear can either be beneficial and make me work harder than ever and get through it, or it can really affect my focus. First exam I did great, second exam... not so great. I dont know where I went wrong. I studied my ass off and perhaps I studied too much, but I dont really think that's possible. I walked out of my last exam thinking I Ace'd it, I actually failed it. It stopped me right in my tracks wondering where I went wrong. So I've had two exams, yes, I'm passing but I am not where I want to be. I was really hoping to build myself a little safety net, and unfortunately I dont have that. I had all these great plans for spring break which unfortunately are not gonna happen for me (our next exam is the Monday after spring break... THANK YOU teachers for being an official cock block to all the nursing students). AND LET ME TELL YOU...It's a sacrifice I have NO problem WHATSOEVER submiting to. I know if I leave I wont focus and study so OBVIOUSLY IT'S NOT WORTH IT (for me anyway). I was planning on taking a road trip with one of my besties to H-town... I was totally gonna be a groupie for her hottie baby brother, That's right... I was gonna get my cougar claws on! >^..^< RAWR!!! (Just kidding Missy... a little but not really ;)) but that fell through. So after my exam tomorrow I'm gonna head out to Corpus and come back and hit the books like no body's business. I think I'm gonna take my recorded lectures to listen to them on the way... LAME I know but I gotta fit in some study time any chance I get. Anyhow back to my point... I stress out so much that I know for a fact I hold myself back. That's my fear, not making it out. I think about my future and it frightens me... I just need to get over it, do what I gotta do, and "Git er done"! I'll keep y'all posted. WISH ME LUCK!♣

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Playing Catch up

♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫ I fly like paper get high like planes (LOVES the song btw)... That's right ladies and gents, I have been M.I.A. for quite some time now and finally started to feel withdrawals from writing anything besides notes on cardiac, immunology, hepatic... yada, yada, yada. I started school back in January, hopefully finishing this time around but let me tell you it is not as easy as I thought it would be. Although it should be a refresher, some of it has changed... but it's good I guess. Unfortunately, this semester I got stuck with Sunday clinicals, which means I go in on Saturday's for clinical prep which involves hours of paperwork, then Sunday I'm with my patients. I study all week, LITERALLY so there has been very little "Cyn" time. (Don't get me wrong... I still have my "wind down with wine" nights or enjoy a few cocktails here at home) Oh well... Gotta do what I gotta do. So remember this post... OK... definitely not the same. ;( boohoo. I used to just love to stare at him, every word he spoke melted off his tongue like butter, I was captivated. Don't get me wrong his lectures are still the best but, I no longer drool lmao. Ughh.. I miss those days lol.


Spring break is just around the corner. No Island bar hopping for me or St. Patty's party and green beer at the Dhu and lets not forget no day trips to the beach with my girls either, but that's OK. I'm 95% sure that I'll be visiting my mom in east Texas, I'm a family girl so as much as I like to have fun, I'd rather spend my free time with my mom any chance I get... Besides, I haven't seen her since January and she is still recovering from her surgery. This is definitely a much needed break. I cant wait to pick up my camera and start taking some nature pics, I LOVE THE OUTDOORS! Maybe we can fit in a fishing trip, but we'll see how it goes with mom still in pain.


On another note...

I got word my little cousin (OK she isn't little anymore, she is 21) was bit by a brown recluse. Can you say OMFG! Let's not forget to mention she is 4 months pregnant. As soon as I heard I had to go make sure she and the baby were fine. In case you all don't know what a brown recluse is... It is one of the three most dangerous spiders (I think) anyways... I wanna say it's worse than the black widow. IDK go look it up for yourself. Well it's bite causes a lot of damage and makes the tissue necrotic. Google it, seriously... those pics are so freakin' gross! i took my camera to get some pics but that's before I knew where was bit. From what I understand had she waited any longer to see a doctor, it could have been fatal. Anyways it bit her about two or three inches from her unmentionables. So this is little cousin... She still looks like a baby to me.

•:*:•Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ •:*:••:*:•Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ •:*:••:*:•Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ •:*:••:*:•Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ •:*:•

OMG I forgot to mention...

Ever heard of that old wive's tale or story that if you see a giant moth, death is near and your supposed to kill it? Well I dont know how true that is but before my grams passed away (she was already in the hosptal) I saw a huge moth that was attracted to the porch light. I think I was on my way to spend the night at the hospital but didnt do anything about it. I remember that story crossing my mind but I didnt beleive it. Well my grammy did pass away. Coincidence or not, I wasn't about to let this happen again. (OMG I just realized to this was before my cousin was admitted to the hospital CREEPY, and she was told if she had waited any longer she could have died) Anyway, So your supposed to kill these huge moths and then burn it or put holy water on it... I just killed it and put it in a plastic bad. I dont know what I'm supposed to do after so Im gonna pour holy water on it then, burn it, or may be I should burn it, then pour the holy water on the ashes cause then it wont burn. Well, I felt really bad for killing it. I was like, "Oh God, please forgive me for killing one of your creatures" lol. I felt so bad. Well here is that huge moth... It was really cute and fat and fuzzy, I think it was laying eggs too 'cause it had like white "egg" looking things coming out of it's tail end. This thing was so HUGE it was like 6 inches long. I know, I am a PETA advocate myself, and I dont really beleive in old wive's tales but, I like I said... I wasnt gonna risk it.