Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Just one of those days... Uh, weeks

This week, I am the Queen Bitch from Hell. Other names I've heard are "Mega-Bitch", SUPERBITCH, and "Queen B", take your pick (OK, no, I didn't really hear those names, at least not to my face, but that's what I gathered from the sour patch faces they were throwing my way, or perhaps it was the snooty, bitch faces I was burning into their skulls). Anyways I had errands to run to, what seemed was, all over the valley. To start off, my truck was hot and I left my house at noon (This was Tuesday), which obviously is the hottest part of the day, and to top it off, Valley heat is hotter than hell). I went to my first location, the chick went to lunch, I had to wait an hour, so I'm pretty moody by now because I am the most impatient person you could probably meet, unless... your waiting on me, but I kept my cool. I then go to the bank. I stand in line for 45 minutes for them to send me somewhere else, for them to send me back to the line after I waited 45 minutes waiting for them. By this point, I am smacking my lips and burning holes with my gamma ray laser eyes. I think I really had fume coming out of my ears and nostrils, and people knew it. I must admit I liked that feeling... very empowering. Innocent bystanders just step aside to avoid the raging bull. I cant exactly remember what else pissed me off that day but I don't think I wanna go there, I can already feel the anxiety level rising (Hmmmm, I guess you could say, I was like the "She-Hulk" or something). Perhaps it was a combination of PMS, stress, SF (figure that out on your own), and everything else. By the evening I made a complete 180 (THANK GOD!!! I was at the point where I couldn't even stand to be around myself. Now that's bad!) Missy invited me to go to the movies; we saw My Sister's Keeper. UGH!!! I'm such a sap. Nothin' like a chick flick to soften me up.

(I've been neglecting my fish. I know, I know. As I am sitting at my desk ranting, again, I notice my fish, Sushi and no name, and my frog, Mortimer just staring at me and their mouths moving saying "FEED ME". I guess they're hungry.)

Class was great. I think the lecture was on immune deficiency disorders, but dont quote me on that or anything. Yes, he lectured. Sigh... lol. I could see all the girls in my class staring at him too, laughing flirtatiously at his jokes, and twirling their hair. Bitches better step off or "She-Hulk" is gonna step in. Lol I'm just kidding, seriously. Seems like a lot of people were in a funk this week, including myself. Hmmm, Perhaps it's burnout from school.

We had the option to take a summer break before graduation, however the bulk of us figured we'd regret taking a break if we saw our classmates graduating in October and we'd have to wait until December. So... we sucked it up. No regrets, just ready for my three day weekend. In nursing we have to come up with care plans (which is basically what it is... an outline that plans care for a patient. Not sure where I'm going with that just yet... you, know... my mind needs to get back on track instead of letting my fingers do the typing. A Nursing diagnosis, which is different from a doctors diagnosis) is one that is made from data that is obtained from an assessment. OK... Here we go. As students (and I am not complaining) we hardly have time for anything, OK, OK...I am the exception, 'cause if I wanna go have a drink, I'm gonna. If I wanna go out, I'm gonna. Anyways... aside from doing what I want either way, I still get stressed, we still get stressed. We have to meet deadlines (and my fish are staring at me again... let me feed them), stay up to the wee hours of the morning or settle for 2 hours of sleep just to get paperwork done for the next day all while balancing family life, social life, and so on. Back to the point, I found this diagnosis for students... here it is. I thought it was cute and it fits... I know, its a little blurry. DEAL with it!

(Oh yeah... R/T means related to...just so ya know)


Friday, June 26, 2009

The way you make me feel...

OK so this isn't a tribute to the late MJ but now that I'm here I may as well say a few words...

HMMM... When I think of MJ I think of this chick I used to work with named Diana. She had two idols, Michael Jackson and Britney Spears. Because she LOOOVEEEDDD Michael so much I used to call her Dirty Diana. One time at work, we had this 80's day where we dress up, uh... 80's style (NO SHIT, SHERLOCK). So Me, of course, idolizing Madonna like I do (What can I say, I'm a material girl living in a material world), decide to dress "Madonna-esque". I rock my lacy socks with heels, wear bangles, pearls, and a rosary, sported the cross earrings, I don't remember if I donned the lace gloves, scrunched my hair, made my fake mole, and yada yada. Basically, I rocked my outfit like no body's business, no shame. Dirty Diana comes to work with this t-shirt she made. I'm like, Diana, what are you wearing? She says, "Well, I bedazzled my shirt with rhinestones and made Michael Jackson's glove". (it as a black T-shirt with with a huge hand or "white rhinestone-y glove" on the entire front of her shirt, it also said KING OF POP, I think it was like in maybe red rhinestones). Whatever works for her, she loved it. Anyways, that's all I could come up with even though it wasn't necessarily a tribute to Michael.

So if it wasn't about MJ, then who? The notorious Mr (I cant say it out loud), of course. It turns out that I am not the only one that has taken a liking to our dear professor. It sorta just came up and so we discussed our mutual admiration for him; we giggled and blushed like little girls. So cute! I think I know another reason I am fond of him... He is so smart. Like Seriously! I am sucker for smart guys, no not dorky nerds, but the intellectual kind. He is so ingenious! I could watch him lecture all day... NOTICE HOW I DIDN'T SAY "LISTEN", please I couldn't fool myself (but not 'cause I dont want to, REMEBER... I suffer from ADD. And yes I said SUFFER, 'cause its a shame I cant sit through the entire class and listen to his words of wisdom). Anyhoo... I had a close encounter with the professor kind. TWICE!!! I needed him to sign some forms for me that dated back to the beginning of the semester, literally, and he is like ahhhh, Cynthia. I thought to myself, YES, scold me! Send me to the corner or make me write my name on the board, but instead I'd write Mr. (he who's name I can not say) with hearts all around it. LOL, JK. If he ever found out I was writing about him, I think I'd be pretty embarrassed. I saw him again in the hall way when I had to turn in some assignments in his office, he said hi and I batted my eyes and said hi back. lol. BE STILL MY HEART!!! Like I said I think he plays for the other team... At least let me enjoy my little crush... (Just so you know... He is not HOT in a sexy beast sorta way, but in his own little cute way... if that makes any sense)

Anyways, we have our first major exam on Monday for Med/Surg so I decided to cancel my trip to Corpus Christi so I could, dare I say it... STUDY. Now, I am not one to study much. I kinda just listen and learn, yeah, that sounds about right... Well I know how important this test is so I meet up with some peeps from school and formed a study group because I knew studying at home wasn't gonna happen. We arrive when the library opens which is at 11 and stay till closing, which was around 6. Some of us felt like we needed to go over some more material so we head out to Starbucks to continue our studying (I can only speak for myself but I think we all kinda wanted an excuse not to go home). We all know I have ADD, so I focus as much as I can, I tune in and out more often than I can count, but I think I learned quite a bit (I wish I could learn via osmosis, wouldn't that be grand?). I had a vanilla latte with a shot of espresso. YUM! Unfortunately I start to feel anxious and the information overload sure as hell didn't help. We leave at 9-ish all to do it again tomorrow. I better FREAKIN' pass this exam. I'm tired and I need some sleep... Wish me luck!

Devyn (Baby-D) I am sorry I missed your party ; (

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Drama in Isle... I Mean, Level IV

For some odd reason I was actually focused (errr... scratch that... somewhat focused) in class yesterday. Yeah I know, that freakin' caught me by surprise. Now I'm not sure if it was the lecture on hematology or if I have a secret crush on my instructor, who by the way, I think is gay... which is totally fine with me, but I think my crush on him is cause he's Asian (like I said before... flavor of the month) or a combination of the way he talks, his oddly cute underbite, or his hair . Anyways, I learned something in class; cant complain there. So I am like in the middle of oogling his goodies when the assistant program chair (who was also my Pediatrics instructor) and the rest of the level IV teachers including the one they call the NAZI walk in. I think to myself... OMG, I'm about to get scolded for killing all my patients on my math test (I usually rock my math exams but I wasn't focused, what's new?). Well it turns out that we have some cheaters amongst our midst. Now, this isn't anything new. In level II there was this whole scandal that some students hacked some system and got a hold of test banks, so here we go again. I mean, WTF if you have to cheat your way to become a freakin' RN, they you obviously don't deserve to be one, I mean, I wouldn't want someone who lacks integrity, the skills, or the competency to care for me or my family. Back to the disruption of class. They tell us that they know who is responsible and they are gonna get expelled from the program. Good, I work hard to be where I'm at, and fuck you very much (and not in the good way) for not sharing, lol, just kidding. I wouldn't want to be associated with that, but unfortunately were already called "the cheaters". So they give us this whole spiel and now I feel guilty, like I did something wrong, but I didn't, so I'm cool.

I had to head out to the hospital (yesterday) to greet my patients and start my paperwork on them for today's work. As usual, I'm not focused, I start to driving towards the hospital that is down the road from school, not the one that I am supposed to be at, which is like 20 minutes away. UGH... Only me. Fortunately my friend called (or did I call her?) and I realized I was headed the wrong way. Great, just FREAKIN' GREAT!!! Well I wasn't too out of my way so it's cool except my truck has no A/C or Radio and it's like 100 degrees out. I haul ass to my hospital. I get there and the doctors are hoarding the charts (I later find out that she wasn't even using that chart, she was just too lazy to put the chart back. BASTARD!). My friends leave at 5 and I stay till 6:30 ('cause I am waiting for the damn charts) and get some pertinent info regarding my patients. I leave, get home at 7 to work on my paperwork. I don't get done with paperwork until about 0230 only to have to wake up at 0545 to get to the hospital. Oh yeah, I had to make a midnight run to Wal-Mart to get some ink for my printer so I can submit my paperwork in the morning (I wont even go into the walmart story). UGH! Monster was my BFF today. I enjoyed my patients (pneumonia with Alzheimer's/dementia and seizures with some mild brain trauma), the day was long but productive.

During lunch we actually ate while we talked about cleaning up shit, I mean literally. Lucky for me I don't have a weak stomach. Well, that's all in a days work for a nurse (or future nurse).

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Ugh... I am in one of those funks again. Why you ask? I don't know exactly... OK, OK, I do know, but it's just in my nature to dismiss my feelings for the sake of not having to discuss them and besides, why do I need someone to tell me what I already know. It's just easier that way. But then I get all moody and snappy... 'cause I can! (makes snooty, bitch face, see pic ) ------------>
I mentioned before that I get anxiety attacks, they aren't as bad as they used to be (THANK GOD!!!) so when I get in one of my "funks" I smoke a few cigs and I'm cool. I went all day with out smoking, I was fine, then came the funk. I bought some cancer sticks and I chain smoked. Gross I know. I keep saying that I am gonna quit. Seriously, I say it like every time I finish a pack, but then I go buy not just one but the "buy two" specials (what can I say, I am a weapon of massive consumption). I'm not addicted or anything, for real. What? Don't Judge! Me, of all people, should not be smoking. Why? Apparently lung cancer now runs in my family (I see it every day, I live it everyday {well grams does and ironically, she wasn't a smoker}). I just need to channel my frustrations of life, love, and liberty, or lack there of. I'm gonna hit the gym tomorrow and maybe change my eating habits, you know, life style changes that get those endorphins pumping (the horizontal tango actually sounds more enticing and it serves the same purpose). I am not depressed by any means, I, just like everyone else, have those moments and I have realized that mine usually come when I have too much time on my hands, like today. So we'll see how my so-called "life-style" change works out, if I keep it up. Besides, like I always say "change is growth". Let's hope by growth I don't mean horizontally, seriously, I've already gained 10 pounds. So FUCK the FUNK! I am so tired of feeling melancholy over something I should have already accepted.

Here's the plan:

Alright, you got me, I don't have a plan, per say. I'm just gonna wing it as I go. I'm pretty good at that. Oh and more mini vacays. CC this weekend, YAY! I'm always down for hitting up my favorite bar in the world, Farrah's and checkin' out the local fly boys. MMMM. Grrrrr! lol. That's always a nice treat.

On another note, I am addicted to shopping. I need to stop, seriously, since I haven't worked in over three years. So where do I get cash to live off of? I shake my money maker and I sell my body parts for the cash flow. I got hooked as a kid when realized I could sell my teeth to the tooth fairy, I was bankin' back in the day. I tried selling plasma but they didn't want mine, my iron was too low, lol. I'm just kidding. But anyhow, yeah, my funds are dangerously low. Like, DANGEROUSLY, SERIOUSLY!! I wish I had one of those beepy noises that cars have when you are running on fumes. I'm buying stuff just because, no other reason. Not only that, I've been selling Avon for a while now, I'm supposed to be making money, not spending it. I buy shit from those catalogs like it's going out of style. I end up with 20 bucks for gas, just enough to deliver my customers' merchandise.

So... gym tomorrow, not sure if I wanna go before or after class. Instead of changing my eating habits, perhaps I should become bulimic and barf up everything I eat so I can still eat what I want. Just kidding, that's not my style. I was at Target today and saw one of the magazines with some chick form that show "The Hills" (I don't watch much TV but I managed to catch like 2 episodes) saying "Oh, the show made me bulimic 'cause of all these skinny bitches running around" STUPID. She is related to that publicity whore duo "Speidi". Just another excuse to be on the cover of a mag. Pathetic if you ask me.

Hmmm, I feel better already. I guess making fun of people works for me... Hey, if you cant say anything nice, come sit next to me.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Nothin' in Particular

Today seemed to drag on longer than I would have liked. My friend Missy came by last night to upload some more pictures of the beach trip from her camera. We watched a movie (Crash) while we were waiting uploading the pics and messing around on myspace. My friend Claudia had called me earlier in the day suggesting that we go to school earlier since we had to catch up on some "busy" work. Missy left around 3 A.M. because I was already falling asleep. I didn't fall asleep until after 4 A.M. I'm still struggling with my insomnia (sometimes my breathing exercises work, sometimes they don't and it doest help that I lie awake just thinking about everything). Anyhow I had to wake up early, finish up my work, and sit through a 3 hour lecture on respiratory. My ADD was out of hand and I couldn't focus for 3 quarters of the time I sat in class. I jumped out of my seat as soon as lecture was over; I couldn't have been happier.

To my surprise my dad had the day off and was over. He changed the oil in my truck and helped my grandpa out around the yard. Seems like he got a clue. Oh yeah, and he gave me 20 bucks. Who doesn't like free money? I DO!

I didn't do much today after I got home. My BFF Tiff stopped by to have a cig on her way home from school but she didn't stay long. I caught up on Sheila's blog and I did some reading from some of the one's she follows. I decided to watch some TV. I know, I know. Me, watch TV? Yes, I sure did. I caught today's episode of Jon and Kate plus 8. Awwww, I am so sad. I was really rooting for them. Kate was so jaded and morose while Jon grew some balls but seemed obnoxious, but I still have a crush on him. I saw he was sporting some bilateral ear bling, I wasn't diggin' it. But yeah, Asian is my flavor for the month.

That's it for now

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Beach Bums

So my beach trip... was GREAT! Tiff, Missy, and I had such a great time on Thursday that we had to do it again so we planned it out ahead of time for Saturday. The plan was to leave earlier so we could rent a cabana since it was the weekend and it gets JAM PACKED. Plans started to get rocky Friday night. We had invited other people and as usual the drama started. I wasn't in the mood to put up with every one's craps so I just told Missy that I couldn't give two shits about every one's drama and no one was gonna ruin my plans. Well My attitude worked out. We were all supposed to leave together, however, some of our friends wanted to go clubbing, I knew they weren't gonna get up early (and besides they were already pissed off because they wanted to leave at 10 not at 7). Missy stayed at my house so we could leave as planned. We got up left at about 8. Liz (Missy's BFF) was staying in Arroyo City and decided to meet us there. Tiff wasn't able to go, so me and Missy took off in my truck and let everyone else fend for themselves. We got to the island around 11, we made a few stops (McDonald's; long line, Stripes; Ice, Walgreen's; batteries and waited for Liz to catch up). We got our cabana, the water was cold, but tolerable, the tide was high, the sun was out, and it was RELAXING. No one else showed up, but that wasn't my problem nor did I care. I was there to have a drama free, great time. And I did.

This is me... Fun in the Sun and already burned

Me and Missy

Liz and I

Liz left around 6 or 7 and we left the beach and showered around 8:45. We went to Tom and Jerry's, it wasn't that great, our food kinda sucked. We had talked about getting tattoos, but we passed the shops and since the traffic was bad, I didn't wanna turn around and get mixed up in it again. Missy spotted a place that made henna tattoos. We both got one. I wanted this beautiful lotus but it was too expensive for something temporary. So I opted for a cute heart on my foot. Missy got peace, love, and faith on her wrist.

We headed back home around 10:30. We were tired and dehydrated. The road home seemed so long. We got in around 11:45. After dropping Missy off, I got home around 12:30. In all, the day was Awesome. I'm ready to do it again, I think next week were are heading to Corpus Christi.

Friday, June 19, 2009

MIni getaways

UPDATE: Finally added some Pic, check 'em out below

So Tiff (and her son William), Missy, and I went to SPI (South Padre Island) for the day. We were off by 0930. I don't recall the time we arrived cause we made a few stops to fuel up, grab some snacks, then got some Whataburger in Port Isabel. The breeze was nice, but the sand was scorching, and the water was cool. We rented an umbrella, which, if you ask me, was way over priced. I remember paying 10-15 bucks for the day, I guess with inflation it rose to 25 bucks for the day. I think were planning a trip again to the island this Saturday, so we'll be using those 25 bucks to purchase our own. Anyhow, my goal was to get a tan and not look pasty anymore (RJ says I look like an albino (minus the white hair) but it's not that dramatic). I got a little burned on my forehead and my back but it doesn't hurt, so I am OK with that. I tried not to sit under the sun too much because I tend to burn with in 20 minutes. I took a full spray can of 70 SPF sunscreen and came home with it empty, lol. I guess that's why I didn't turn as red as a lobster like I usually do. I felt a little guilty leaving grandpa at home to care for grams by himself, but always manages (since this Sunday is Father's Day, I need to come up with something great for him).

Me and my partners in crime (Missy & Tiff)

Me and Tiff (William is in the middle)

It was time to leave; We were sad. We stopped by Wingstop on the way back to Tiff's house. Mmmmm (and that's why my scrubs are fitting snug). We looked terrible, My hair was frizzy, Missy wasn't wearing a bra, and Tiff was also dressed down, she was sporting one of those 80's exercise shirts where there is no collar and it slides off your shoulder. We didn't care, we were just hungry. Went back to Tiff's for a while; we weren't ready for the day to end. So we just chilled and Missy drank the wine we didn't finish the last time we hung out. I drank my DC (diet coke, not the shoes, although I love those too!) I had left over from Wingstop
What more can I say other than that the day was so relaxing.I'll post some picks up as soon as I get a hold of them. I got home and after a while I text Missy that I felt like i just had the best sex of my life, lol, seriously! I felt so relaxed, almost euphoric (perhaps it was a combination of relaxation, dehydration, and too much sun/heat exposure). Nonetheless, it was a great feeling considering I have had a bad couple days recently. By bad I just mean an internal struggle with certain emotions in regards to life, love, and all the other bullshit, but like I said, I just get over it.
So back to planning some more mini getaways, this Saturday, SPI, next week, Corpus Christi, here we come!!!
I have a few errands to run before class starts, after yesterday, I most definitely don't feel like sitting through a 4 hour lecture. :-/

Up date on the scrubs issue, I have gained some weight. ; (. I hopped on the scale, + 10 lbs. OH NO!!!! Fuck! I need to get on a diet and get my ass to the gym... DAMN IT!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Early Morning

Well I decided to wake up early today. I got up, had breakfast with grams and grandpa in her room (she got her own room when she got sick, grandpa snores too loud). We traded breakfast sandwhiches cause she didnt care for the McMuffin my aunt brought them for breakfast. I went to the grocery store last night and purchased some croissantwhichs; one, becuase I she likes the ones from burger king and secondly, becuase sometimes I run late and need something quick. Well she ate and that's all I can ask for; Anything to make her eat.

I got a reality check today (yeah, I know, so early in the morning), I guess I'm not doing enough around the house cause they got someone to come and clean the house, well just the restroom. I'm gonna have to step up my game. I realized I dont like anyone doing things for us when I am very capable of doing them. I think I'm getting territorial, lol. I know everyone needs a little help every now and then, but I figure, if I break up the duties around the house so I dont feel overwhelmed, I just might be able to manage taking care of them, going to class, finding time to study, and cleaning. I think so... My anxiety level rose today. Grams tends to spazz out sometimes and it makes me nervous and anxious. I dont handle stress well, my hair falls out. I hardly have any left. I need some happly pills. Too bad I dont have a passport to hit up Mexico and stock up on some Xanax, lol, or perhaps some Valium. No, it's not that bad, seriously, but I do get that stressed. Anyways this particular blog isnt to complain by any means, just kinda helps me vent and realize certain things.

Well I gotta get ready for school. Long day today and hopefully I'll get my results for my leadership and management final. My little Avon biz is going well, better than I expected. I thought by now, I surely would have quit. I bring in a little income which helps me out with gas since my truck is a gas guzzler, seriously. I also forgot to mention that my dog Noah, well he disappeared again in February, but for good this time. I had such a hard time dealing with that, he would have been 7 this August. On a happier note, I am now the proud godmother of two beautiful children, Abby and Davy. Here they are being silly on the way to church.

And here is me with my "Comadre", I dont know what she would be called in engish but she chose me to the the godmother of her children.

I am gonna hit the beach tomorrow; its my day off from school. Gonna have some fun in the sun with my two BFFs. Hopefully I dont get too sunburned.
(About to leave for school...OMG, Oh NO! my scrubs are fitting a bit tight. I think I am stress eating. UGH!)

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Long time gone...

So it's been a few months since I've blogged on here, I'd say right about 5 or 6 months. A lot has happened in this short period of time, I guess I can say it's been a whirlwind. As I posted almost a year ago, my grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer. She has been through chemo twice and has also had radiation. The tumor has shrunk but not enough. Grams is supposed to go through more chemo and PCI (prophylactic cranial irradiation) to prevent the cancer spreading to her brain but it has been postponed. She was recently diagnosed with radiation pneumonia (caused by the radiation not a virus). Through this onset she has dramatically declined in health; she has lost a significant amount of weight (she is down to 93 lbs), SOB (short of breath, not son of a bitch ; P ) and placed on continuous oxygen, practically made her self bed bound because she is so weak. As soon as her health improves and gains some weight she will be able to continue treatment. Grandpa had to get spine surgery a couple weeks ago because of the crazy accident he had with his truck back in the early part of the year (his was checking the oil in his truck while it was on a ramp, somehow it got out of park and nearly ran over him. he ended up with a fractured vertebrae).

Anyhow I've just been home trying my best to take care of them while going to school. I'm finally in my 4th (last) level of Nursing school, so hopefully by Thanksgiving I will be an RN (school has already paid off giving me the proper knowledge to care for them). I find myself tired and occasionally frustrated. Not with my grandparents but with the fact that I cant do more and at the same time, when I can, I don't. I wish I could make the pain go away; I wish they wouldn't have to suffer. But life doesn't work that way unfortunately. At times I get impatient then go through periods of guilt. The guilt comes in because I find myself trying to just get away, to find time to breathe, to find time for ME! I sometimes feel it's selfish on my part however I know I have to keep my sanity. I find myself feeling frustrated with family (Some of my immediate ones, NOT YOU SHEILA lol ,just so you know, but I love you like your my blood). My aunt and my grandfather do the bulk of caring for my grams, I step in when I'm not at school or getting a breather. I get frustrated with my own father, who can do more for his parents yet doesn't, my cousin who lives next door who can help grandpa out with some outside duties but doesn't leave his house unless he has to work (ok, ok he'll drop by like once in a blue moon), my other cousins who work, although have plenty of time to spare hardly come to visit but do bring an occasional dish to feed my grandparents (yes, I am appreciative for that). My grandparents are the pillars of my family, with out them, we would fall. They go beyond their way to help everyone, yet when time came that my grandparents need them, they are no where around unless they are asked to come (for the most part). Sometimes I feel that everyone feels this is my responsibility since I live with them, or my aunt's cause she is their only daughter, or my grandfather, cause he is her husband. All I am trying to get at is this should be total family participation. At the same time, I take pride in caring for them, I promised them when I was a child, that I would be a nurse and I would take care of them when they were sick... Funny how that happened. I suppose the events that led me here all happened for a reason.
Despite my frustrations, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love them. Well that's all for now, I hope to keep posting.

On a side note, still trying to find "the one"...I've dated more bad apples than I can count, my heart was set on one but despite my feelings for him, perhaps we are just in two different places in life. Oh well, I guess a man isn't in my cards just yet... Patience is a virtue