Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Ugh... I am in one of those funks again. Why you ask? I don't know exactly... OK, OK, I do know, but it's just in my nature to dismiss my feelings for the sake of not having to discuss them and besides, why do I need someone to tell me what I already know. It's just easier that way. But then I get all moody and snappy... 'cause I can! (makes snooty, bitch face, see pic ) ------------>
I mentioned before that I get anxiety attacks, they aren't as bad as they used to be (THANK GOD!!!) so when I get in one of my "funks" I smoke a few cigs and I'm cool. I went all day with out smoking, I was fine, then came the funk. I bought some cancer sticks and I chain smoked. Gross I know. I keep saying that I am gonna quit. Seriously, I say it like every time I finish a pack, but then I go buy not just one but the "buy two" specials (what can I say, I am a weapon of massive consumption). I'm not addicted or anything, for real. What? Don't Judge! Me, of all people, should not be smoking. Why? Apparently lung cancer now runs in my family (I see it every day, I live it everyday {well grams does and ironically, she wasn't a smoker}). I just need to channel my frustrations of life, love, and liberty, or lack there of. I'm gonna hit the gym tomorrow and maybe change my eating habits, you know, life style changes that get those endorphins pumping (the horizontal tango actually sounds more enticing and it serves the same purpose). I am not depressed by any means, I, just like everyone else, have those moments and I have realized that mine usually come when I have too much time on my hands, like today. So we'll see how my so-called "life-style" change works out, if I keep it up. Besides, like I always say "change is growth". Let's hope by growth I don't mean horizontally, seriously, I've already gained 10 pounds. So FUCK the FUNK! I am so tired of feeling melancholy over something I should have already accepted.

Here's the plan:

Alright, you got me, I don't have a plan, per say. I'm just gonna wing it as I go. I'm pretty good at that. Oh and more mini vacays. CC this weekend, YAY! I'm always down for hitting up my favorite bar in the world, Farrah's and checkin' out the local fly boys. MMMM. Grrrrr! lol. That's always a nice treat.

On another note, I am addicted to shopping. I need to stop, seriously, since I haven't worked in over three years. So where do I get cash to live off of? I shake my money maker and I sell my body parts for the cash flow. I got hooked as a kid when realized I could sell my teeth to the tooth fairy, I was bankin' back in the day. I tried selling plasma but they didn't want mine, my iron was too low, lol. I'm just kidding. But anyhow, yeah, my funds are dangerously low. Like, DANGEROUSLY, SERIOUSLY!! I wish I had one of those beepy noises that cars have when you are running on fumes. I'm buying stuff just because, no other reason. Not only that, I've been selling Avon for a while now, I'm supposed to be making money, not spending it. I buy shit from those catalogs like it's going out of style. I end up with 20 bucks for gas, just enough to deliver my customers' merchandise.

So... gym tomorrow, not sure if I wanna go before or after class. Instead of changing my eating habits, perhaps I should become bulimic and barf up everything I eat so I can still eat what I want. Just kidding, that's not my style. I was at Target today and saw one of the magazines with some chick form that show "The Hills" (I don't watch much TV but I managed to catch like 2 episodes) saying "Oh, the show made me bulimic 'cause of all these skinny bitches running around" STUPID. She is related to that publicity whore duo "Speidi". Just another excuse to be on the cover of a mag. Pathetic if you ask me.

Hmmm, I feel better already. I guess making fun of people works for me... Hey, if you cant say anything nice, come sit next to me.


~Sheila~ said...

You should try the "diet" that I tried. It worked for me but it was a lot of pills.
Still, it worked.

I love Rant posts. I also cracked up about being hooked as a kid selling your teeth to the tooth fairy. That shit was funny!

Life, Love And Lola said...

Nothing wrong with a GOOD RANT!

I wish I could quit smoking...NOW is just not the time!

honkeie2 said...

I quit when I was 24, that was 8 years ago....do the math I am not old lol.
I gave it up fairly easily because I woke one day and could not take the taste of them anymore. I still find them really nasty but still have one or two a year lol. They are great when I am drunk or just to help me when I am in a funk. Oh I know all about the need to smoke when the funk gets thick!
I also smoked a pack of clove cigerrets and after that I did not want to go near a smoke for a while ha!

Sassy Mama said...

I'm in a rut with the gym & my weight too, first thing to do is eat or throw away all of your junkfood. I lose almost 10lbs right away just cause my bod goes into shock, but when those cravings hit i'm like an addict tearing thru the kitchen. see I'm too lazy to get dressed & get in the car. I would eat almost anything I find though! One nite in a fit of desperation I found an old container of half used cream cheese frosting and I got a spoon....