Thursday, October 29, 2009

Cinderella Incarnate/ Tribute to Manfriend

This blog has been in the works for like... 2 weeks now, I just never got around to finishing it.

It all started last, last Saturday (yeah... that's 2 Saturdays ago) which I spent with my dad and how I firmly believe that I am Cinderella Incarnate. Yep, I even have the evil step mother to prove it. OK... so I'm not a slave and she isn't evil but I like to think so sometimes. I asked my "manfriend" to put my face on Cinderella since I suck at photoshop (he didn't know it was for my blog). The picture below is what he came up with... We were talking on the phone when he starts laughing, actually he was chuckling (it was so cute how his little laugh made me laugh, but he didn't need to know that) so I'm like WTF is so funny? He said he just finished the picture and how he did such an awesome job and how he cracks himself up. I was like, "You better not have used an F'd up picture of me!". He emailed it to me... OK so I laughed too once I saw it. Actually... what I meant was if he could put my lovely face on the poor slave Cinderella not the princess (guess I didn't make myself clear), so it would fit the story line. This is what he came up with.

What a banana! Yup... Can you believe that Prince Charming is totally overshadowing Cinderella? Oh HELL NO! My Prince Charming is looking like a thug donning bubble gum wrapper grilz, cuz he cool like dat while Cinderella is suffering from shrunken head syndrome. I look cute though, I must admit lol (I like the pic anyway... It's way cute and he put a lot of thought into it lol). Anyhow... since the picture is obviously about him and not ME, I decided I'd use the picture even though he didn't know it would be available for everyone to see. So since I lost my mojo for the Cinderella blog, this is what it evolved into...

Tribute to MANFRIEND
(Yeah... this is him, I don't think these are too recent... It's hard to find some pics of him not goofing around)
Let me tell you a little about my "manfriend"...
He's addicted to porn and he masturbates constantly...PILLOW FIGHT!! HA HA HA! I'm just kidding, it's actually a quote from one of the BESTEST movies of ALL time (IMO), Sorority Boys. Actually the original quote says "I" instead of "he", so I obviously I changed it around. If you've seen it, you'll get it. I dubbed him "Grilz Charming and Prince Grilz" (I'd hope I wouldn't have to go into that after what was mentioned above) along with many other pet names I came up for him, but you don't need to know those. He has been anxiously awaiting this blog. Actually, once I told him about the Cinderella blog and how I was gonna post the lovely picture up anyway he got super stoked and then I told him I was gonna dedicate an entire blog to him, he was like OH, OK COOL! He was trying to be modest but I know he was shouting with excitement on the inside; He likes the attention... So every time I post a new blog (OK so it's been like three since I told him) he's like YAAY! until I break the news to him and tell him its not the one, then he's like Oh, ;( So where was I before I got distracted? (Remember I cant help the ADD... Just deal with it, it's not that hard to follow along) Oh yeah! I was mentioning some of my manfriend's qualities. OK... Well we obviously know he's a jokester, hence the picture. I can always count on him to make me smile when I'm feeling down. He is down to earth, a SWEETHEART (even though he tries to make a joke out of everything; Go figure!), musically and artistically inclined. Yes, he serenades me with his guitar and Digeridoo. Be jealous, BE VERY JEALOUS. OK so the digeriedoo is not quite romantic but at least I get a few laughs out of it. I hate that we live 1500 miles apart. His picture hung on "our" (ummmm. How do I put this... let's just leave it as mine and an ex) living room wall for two and a half years, so it almost seemed like fate when we started "talking". Basically, he is everything a chick could ask for. He is even "The nice guy" I didn't think existed this day in age. So there you have it ladies and gentlemen, and of course, my manfriend, who has been anxiously waiting by his "crackberry" to read my blog about himself.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Loyal till the day i die...

That's right... I said it... I'm gonna be a loyal Wal-Mart customer TILL THE DAY I DIE. I don't care if Wal-Mart sells products from China (just don't put them in your mouth), hires illegals (what??? some of them out there just might be my peeps), takes business from our little mom and pop shops, sends US jobs to other countries, or drives out competition (since when is that a crime?). I love the fact that I can buy my cereal, dog food (for Troy not me... although I ate it once as a kid), frozen pizza, fabric, tampons & Kotex, shoes, clothes, and electronics all in one place anytime of they day or night. They offer some of the most competitive prices for just about ANYTHING. For now... I'm a broke-ass, unemployed, student (professional student or not, I'm still in school) which leaves me no choice to shop where I don't have to dig so deep into my pockets.

So when I said I'm gonna shop there till the day I die, I LITERALLY meant till the day I die, and I don't mean that my family is gonna dress me up in the latest Miley Cyrus/Max Azria get up (that is unless they want me to look like a hillbilly) sporting yellow and black plaid with slinky, shiny, vinyl leggings (OK I kinda dig the leggings even though I think I'd be committing serious faux pas). What I meant was I can now shop for my casket or urn for my funeral or cremation, which ever I choose. That's right! As of last week, Wal-Mart made available their newest line of funeral "furniture" online. HOW EXCITING IS THAT! LOL! I checked out the website . Casket prices range from $999.00 - $3199.99 while urns range from $34.82-$214.00. I wonder if they have a "Sam's Choice" or "Great Value"brand yet? I haven't see one yet fit for THE QUEEN OF RANDOM but I'm sure we can collaborate and come up with something that might just work out great for my notorious departure.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Have a Happy Period...

So it's that time of the month again and after a long day of moodiness, bloating, and cramping I get home and turned the on TV so that for just one moment I could cloud out all the thoughts that go through my head... AND THEN... I see that damn Always commercial where they say... "Have a Happy Period". I found myself scoffing and throwing my middle finger at the TV saying STFU! and mumbling heaven knows what else. Out of nowhere I remembered an email/forward that I received a loooonng time ago. It was a letter from a lady ranting about the Always slogan. I felt her frustration and searched and searched my email inbox until I found it. I LOVE IT! Too bad I didnt think of writing that first. HA!

Here it is...

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, pleas
e inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Midnight ramblings

I should be asleep right now however my insomnia and ADD are completely out of hand. Yesterday I was up for 24 hours straight, I couldn't sleep 'cause my mind was racing at a million mph. WTF (I saw on some new show, "Modern Family" I think it was, where the dad character is using all this IM lingo and according to him WTF means "whatever the face" only I really mean WHAT THE F%*K lol)! Yeah... Anyhow... So I'm supposed to be asleep so I can be up early for my first meeting as "President" I came up with a vision for the club and some great ideas, we'll see how it goes. OMG, I know... ON A SATURDAY! We gotta do what we gotta do.

So I'm watching Anderson Cooper 360. I think I'm in love. I think it's his devilishly sexy silver hair or his side sweep (lol). He is sooo smart, makes my heart melt, and makes me speechless. Yeah I know... or think he plays for the other team. Damn, I'm sucker for gay men... Remember this... Just like they say... All the good ones are either taken or gay. Boohoo!

Just look at this Yummy Goodness. Be still my beating heart. ANDERSON COOPER... YOU TAKE MY BREATH AWAY!!!

On Anderson Cooper news...

Balloon Boy Drama: TOTALLY HOAX! His vomiting episodes on TV totally gave it away. Then... the home video was edited to cut out the part where the freakin' kid says "I'm gonna sneak inside". If he was my kid... I woulda whooped his ass. But then again, I'm not and I'm pretty sure it was a publicity stunt. C'mon now, the family was on wife swap. The balloon doesn't even look like it could hold a kid. GET REAL!

Baby that fell under the train... OMG! That shit is CRAZY! It's a miracle he is still alive. Ummm, I think that's why strollers have brakes... SO UR KID DOESN'T ROLL AWAY FROM YOU!

John Gosselin getting sued: That's what you get "Moe Foe" (My manfriend's favorite phrase) I know, I had a crush on him too. I think it'll be just my luck to find out in a couple of months that he is gay too. Only he is a total douche bag and I really wouldn't care if he was. I DESPISE PUBLICITY WHORES! I'm surprised OCTOMOM is MIA... well actually, I don't really watch TV its just a coincidence that I am watching now... but 'cause I'm crushing on AC.

Justice Nixes Inter-racial marriage: Ignorant sons of bitches that don't know better. I say we just kick 'em in the nuts... or the vag if they're chicks. Went to the bar last night and this black guy hit on me... Hmmm... I so shot him down... But I'm not racist. I know for a fact that he was a wife beater (I think/hope she left him) and that he had so many sexual harassment charges against him at his prior employment... How do I know... I used to work there, that was like almost 4 years ago and 'cause one of my close friends also used to work with him. And he is gross, SOOO NOT MY TYPE!

Pigs catch swine flu: WHOA! 'nuff said.

Self Help Guru & Sweat Lodge Homicides: Crazy... who would pay almost 10 grand to go to that crazy cult stuff?

Near Death Experience: Not exactly "near", Could be true I think... Sounds REALLY interesting... As a matter of fact, my aunt's boyfriend claims he had one. He told me his vision, which I would love to share with y'all, but um... I forgot what it was.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

EMOTIONAL Roller coaster

Emotional roller coaster, Multi (not bi)-Polar, or PMS? If you ask me, its all the same shit. This time of the month is the only time that I cant even stand MYSELF. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE everything about being a woman minus the hormones. Anything can set me off or open up the flood gates... um not that kind... GROSS... I mean tears. A few words of wisdom... When Cyn is PMSing... Run for cover. HIDE. I will chew you up and spit you out or make you feel very, VERY guilty for hurting my feelings. Did I mention not only am I the QUEEN OF RANDOM, I'm also a DRAMA QUEEN (only when PMSing otherwise I hate drama).

I went out with my girlfriends last night and I got in such a bad mood because we didn't go have a few drinks downtown, that's totally besides the point that I am spoiled rotten and I like things my way. The night ended up going good but it wasn't exactly my idea of a Friday night, but hey... I didn't spend the evening at home so its all gravy. I was watching TV this morning and I started crying. I was texting my manfriend a while ago and he text me something that upset me... I started crying... WTF I ACTUALLY STARTED CRYING! AND THEN... he said he was sorry and that he was sending me a surprise but it's not a surprise 'cause I already know what it was... 'Cause he told me, and then I was better again. OMG just kick me in the uterus so I can get over it already. To my friends and to those who get a taste of "The Wrath of Cyn"... Bless your hearts for still loving me even though I can be such a BIATCH!!!

I've got two weeks left of hormones raging before I'm back to normal self, that is... what I consider "normal". LOL.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

That's Ms. President to you

So I am officially President of the photography club at school. Whoa... Who woulda thought. Up until last night I didn't even wanna join. I came home from school so F'n tired. I crashed out close to 10 pm and woke up so refreshed at what I thought was the morning. It was 1215. I was like AWESOME!!!! I actually slept a whole night without waking up. Actually... it was 1215 am. So much for that :-/ Anyhow I started thinking about photography and how I needed to redo some assignments. Not cause I was told to, just cause I though I could do better. Then the whole idea came to mind... I'm gonna be PRESIDENT! That came out of nowhere. So then that was all I could think about. I re-shot my pics. My room is my little studio (haha like where else am I gonna shoot) and it literally looked like a tornado wiped out my room. Shit was everywhere... I MEAN EVERYWHERE!!! I had just hopped back into bed and then I felt the need to clean my room... at 3 in the morning. WTF! I couldn't sleep without doing it. It was CHAOS! I had a small path I could walk through but I did have to step over a few things.

We went over our portfolios at the club meeting. Of course mine were first... tough act to follow, I can honestly say my photos really stood out. I know I know so full of myself. But what can I say? I'm dedicated. Only thing is... we have a club full of members with AMAZING cameras. I kinda feel like the kid that had hand me down clothes at the beginning of a new school year. Almost embarrassed... but not too embarrassed. I started thinking of ways that I could get a new camera. OK so all the illegal options are out of the question. BOOHOO! :( Then I started thinking of fundraisers, but that's so much work. GOSH! Couldn't I be as privileged ... but then I thought... I actually appreciate what I have when I have to work for it. I just wish for once something awesome would happen like Ashton Kutcher would give me one of his cameras from the Nikon commercial, the one where he is like... all I need is my camera, and underwear. HA! OMG that would be SO F'N AMAZING!!! But fairy tales do not exist for people like me, we have to work hard for what we want... I dont work... so does that mean I wont get what I want? Sheila, if Devyn helps you win the lottery can you buy me a camera? lol... Um... PLEASE?

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

It's been almost a month...

Since grams passed away... It feels like it was yesterday, everything is so fresh in my mind. It still seems surreal; something I cant quite grasp. I've been doing OK. Actually a lot better than I expected. My aunt (who has now moved in to watch over grandpa) and I sit outside at night and have a drink or two have these conversations about her. I wondered if I'm in some sort of denial 'cause I'm literally OK. I almost feel guilty for not being depressed or something. I mean... I loved my grams soooo much. I came to the conclusion that because we had such a great relationship and I did everything that I possibly could for her, it has helped me in my acceptance stage of grief. I'm sure that the anticipatory stage had a lot to do with it. Although one can never be "ready" to let go, I have had a year to process everything. She has been on my mind a lot these past few days... Last night I was so sure I could smell her. I loved how my grandma smelled, the soft powder she used to wear after her baths.
On another note...
Life has returned to normal, well sort of; you know what i mean... I started going out again. It felt weird to go out and have fun; to just LIVE. I had given up so much to care for grams, I would feel guilty just leaving her. My classes are going great with the exception for statistics. I F'n hate stats! My photography class is AWESOME!!! I think I've got some of the best pictures for having the WORST camera compared to everyone else. I am still very grateful to my dear friend Missy for lending me hers. I think its pretty sad that some of my classmates have AMAZING cameras and the quality of the pictures they produce just do not give it any justice. I'm not hating... SERIOUSLY... c'mon now. The only thing that sucks is that this class is very time consuming, but well worth it. I think I found a new hobby. I REALLY LOVE THIS CLASS. I just wish I had one a better camera, a DSLR. If I am doing great with a mediocre point and shoot, imagine the possibilities if I had a better one!
I guess that's it for now... I'm just at school killing time in between my 5 hour gap...

Here are some of my self portraits (can you tell I love myself? lol... WHAT?)
we had creative freedom so I went for it...

Vanity is "CYN"ful

It's looking a little blurry but it came out good.

I showed the pics to mom... She called this one the "porn" picture, and that's cause I had one where I barely had any clothes on covered with a scarf... like a a faux nude. She didn't call that one porn...
I have a lot to learn... but not bad for a couple weeks into the course.