Since grams passed away... It feels like it was yesterday, everything is so fresh in my mind. It still seems surreal; something I cant quite grasp. I've been doing OK. Actually a lot better than I expected. My aunt (who has now moved in to watch over grandpa) and I sit outside at night and have a drink or two have these conversations about her. I wondered if I'm in some sort of denial 'cause I'm literally OK. I almost feel guilty for not being depressed or something. I mean... I loved my grams soooo much. I came to the conclusion that because we had such a great relationship and I did everything that I possibly could for her, it has helped me in my acceptance stage of grief. I'm sure that the anticipatory stage had a lot to do with it. Although one can never be "ready" to let go, I have had a year to process everything. She has been on my mind a lot these past few days... Last night I was so sure I could smell her. I loved how my grandma smelled, the soft powder she used to wear after her baths.
On another note...
Life has returned to normal, well sort of; you know what i mean... I started going out again. It felt weird to go out and have fun; to just LIVE. I had given up so much to care for grams, I would feel guilty just leaving her. My classes are going great with the exception for statistics. I F'n hate stats! My photography class is AWESOME!!! I think I've got some of the best pictures for having the WORST camera compared to everyone else. I am still very grateful to my dear friend Missy for lending me hers. I think its pretty sad that some of my classmates have AMAZING cameras and the quality of the pictures they produce just do not give it any justice. I'm not hating... SERIOUSLY... c'mon now. The only thing that sucks is that this class is very time consuming, but well worth it. I think I found a new hobby. I REALLY LOVE THIS CLASS. I just wish I had one a better camera, a DSLR. If I am doing great with a mediocre point and shoot, imagine the possibilities if I had a better one!
I guess that's it for now... I'm just at school killing time in between my 5 hour gap...
Here are some of my self portraits (can you tell I love myself? lol... WHAT?)
we had creative freedom so I went for it...
Vanity is "CYN"ful
It's looking a little blurry but it came out good.
I showed the pics to mom... She called this one the "porn" picture, and that's cause I had one where I barely had any clothes on covered with a scarf... like a a faux nude. She didn't call that one porn...
I have a lot to learn... but not bad for a couple weeks into the course.
1 comment:
I like the pics. They are great.
I miss grams too. I'm glad you are at peace. You DID do everything you could for her. I think that the fact that we knew this was coming almost helped us/you ease into this transition. If her passing was sudden and unexpected then it would be more of a shock.
Glad you are doing better and getting out more.
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