Tuesday, July 28, 2009
♥On a better note, my great-grandmother celebrated her 100th birthday on Friday, well that was the day of the party, her actual birthday was on Saturday. It was great! Family I hadn't seen in years were there, Mariachis played, the Mayor of the city honored her with a plaque and made July 25th Anita S. Day.... WOW!!! Unfortunately, I had class so I was only able to make it for an hour or so. I love my Nana SOOOO MUCH and an truly blessed to have had her for so long. (In the Pic... My Nana and her two surviving children, my maternal grandfather (Grandpa Greg and his sister, Tia Pola)
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
"Never let your head hang down. Never give up and sit down and grieve. Find
another way. And don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun
♥ As I mentioned in a previous post I let some distractions get in the way of my focus and my grade definitely showed it. I had a MAJOR reality check and I needed to get my ass in gear. I hardly ate, I didn't sleep, my nerves were on edge. I was so determined to study, study, study, that I didn't give myself a break. That in itself blocked my concentration, oh yeah and the ADD. By Friday, I wasn't absorbing anything anymore. I didn't have enough strength to even listen to the last lecture (And yes it was my favorite teacher). I went to go drink with my aunt Friday after study group. I returned for my 7 hour sessions Saturday and Sunday and I didn't study anymore at home. Sunday I fell apart. I left my study group trembling. I had my favorite combo, wine and cigarettes. My heart raced, my body flushed, and the tears poured. I was so scared that despite the hard work, I would let myself down. Too much rested on my shoulders and I was starting to scare myself, but I guess that's what I needed. My friend suggested we go have a drink but her license was expired so we had to leave, It's OK their vodka and diet coke sucks, and I didn't wanna spend my money there anyway. She then suggested some retail therapy. I thought of a great idea to motivate myself and keep positive, I was gonna buy something for my future apartment, BECAUSE I'M GONNA GRADUATE! But I didn't like anything. So then I was like, I know... I'm gonna wear my red lipstick to class because I get sassier and I figured it might give me some more confidence, but I forgot it ;(. I had also bought some "Smarties". You know... those tiny little sweet-n-tangy candy rolls. I got the idea from Maddie, my high school teacher (who btw... is a Nurse and one of my mentors) who used to give them to us before our exams. I thought it was a cute gesture and I wanted to share that with my classmates. Guess what? I forgot those too. Was all this a terrible omen? Apparently not!
♥ WE CAN DO IT!
♥ WE CAN DO IT!
So now that all that is over atleast untill tomorrow, I can rest. I got home today, as tired as I was, and I spent time with grams. I just crawled in bed with her like the old days. She was in some pain so I rubbed her back and massaged her feet. She saw me closing my eyes (I could barely keep them open) so she patted me like she did when I was little, and I fell asleep. She has lost more weight, down to 90 pounds... not good. She has an appointment to get her results from her CT scan. I've been praying it's some good news. Also... her hair has grown almost to what it was before she lost it all. She now goes to her appointments with out her wig, a scarf, or a hat. 8-D. I was browsing through my pics and I found this one I took of my grams before she was sick. I have neglected my family, my friends (Tiff & Missy I MISS YOU), my fish, and TROY...OK, OK, and myself, but its gotta be like that for a couple more weeks, just hang on in there with me.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
So... What does this mean? This means I wont be posting any blogs up unless it's about how STOKED I am for ROCKIN' my next exams (AND I WILL!) I know, I know... How will all my fans (Ummm. All 2 of you, lol) live a day without me? You'll survive. Keep me in your hearts and prayers.
I have prepared my affirmations (OK we had a mandatory meeting after class, the lady said I need affirmations, a mantra, and some exercise, lol guess it cant hurt, Right...? So a few of them are...
♥I am an intelligent woman
♥I will be an RN
♥I can overcome any obstacle
♥I WILL PASS MY EXAMS
♥I am brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous
♥I love myself unconditionally
(OK so I borrowed some from the handout they gave us and my favorite quote... SO WHAT! It's gonna get the job done!
Wish me luck
"We grow great by dreams.
All big men are dreamers.
They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them;
Nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those whose sincerely hope that their dreams will come true."
Monday, July 13, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
My main goal was to have a steady career so I wouldn't have to struggle when I do have a family. Since I am so close to having my career I am ready for the next step, or am I? I am, but at the same time I find it strange that as I get older a part of me seems to enjoy my life (with out having kids or having to answer to a husband), I guess I can be a little selfish, OK, OK a lot selfish, but what's wrong in having fun and enjoying life? I know, though, I will always feel incomplete with out kids. There has been a time when I was ready, however, not financially. I was pregnant but unfortunately for whatever reason, I lost it. I was heading into my second trimester. I look back and it hardly seems real any more. I took it really hard, but I see now that it was for the best and I don't feel bad for thinking that. My time will come. Patience is a virtue. And besides, I can love on little "Goosey" all I want until I get my very own...
Friday, July 3, 2009
A couple years ago I fell madly in love with someone who I thought was my soul mate. We settled down together and made us a little love shack. Life was a struggle in every aspect, especially financially. I stopped going to school because we couldn't afford it. I knew I'd eventually go back, I just didn't know when. One thing led to another and after a couple years, we realized it just wasn't meant to be and threw in the towel. I packed my clothes, my desk (and computer), and my dogs and drove the somber three hour drive home. I was completely lost. I didn't know how to be "me" instead of "us".
I quickly picked myself up and marched on. I enrolled back in school to pursue my dream. I found myself again and I relished the single life (And STILL DO) because once its gone, its gone. Also because relationships make it difficult to focus. I took my pre-reqs and I remember applying for the nursing program (I also managed to earn two degrees, well associates, but degrees nonetheless). The expectations/requirements were high and I doubted myself and didn't think I would qualify. Despite my apprehensions I applied and I started my transition to earn my Bachelors in Biology just in case I didn't get in. That summer, I got my letter of ACCEPTANCE into the nursing program. Not bad I must say. I remember anticipating the letter. When it finally came I couldn't open it. My hands were shaking. THIS WAS IT. I opened it and the tears just flowed. I called everyone: my mom, my best friend, my close friends, my brother, EVERYONE! My cup overflowed with joy. That was almost three years ago. And here I stand... three months left until graduation.
This has been a great experience despite the lack of sleep, ehhh... somewhat of a disturbance in my social life (but not too much ; )) and family life, but it all was worth it. I'm not there yet, but I've been reflecting on everything that got me to this point. There are only 4 1/2 weeks left of actual class time, then we take our HESI if I pass the class, then passing the HESI leads me to my preceptorship. I am so close I can taste it. Nothing can stop me but myself, and I will be damned if that happens. And so what I was getting at... If I hadn't gone through all that I have where would I be? A struggling wife trying to make the best of what we had, a single mother trying to care for my child? I'll never know, but what I do know to be true is that everything happens for a reason. I am glad they did, and I'll never ask why.
I've made plans to move to San Antonio once I am done with school so I can pursue my education and work (obviously). I said the only thing that can keep me here is my grandmother, and by the looks of it, seems like I am not going anywhere (JUST YET). I cant leave her in her condition. I cant leave grandpa to be at home alone to care for her even though my aunt comes just about every day. I don't know... I'll see what is in store for me. AND I CANT WAIT! :D