Sunday, July 26, 2009



You have a cold.
Or is it allergies?
Could be TB?
Oh its nothing...
Take more meds.
Spot on lung.
Dr. says it's nothing.
X-rays. X-rays. X-rays.
Oh it's just scarring.
But She's not getting better.
It's definitely something.



She asks...
Are you sure?
Will it hurt?
Will I live?
I'm scared.
How do I deal?
What can I do to make her better?
She has to beat this!
I cant see my life without her.
At least no yet.


No anger.
It just is.
She is calm.
We are calm-
For her.
She will fight this.
We will fight this.
Just have faith.
Trust in GOD.


She never asked why.
But I did
I've never seen her cry.
But I did
Dear God...
It's me again...
Why her?
I need her.
You cant do this.
I promise...
If you'll...
Just make it go away.
The Pain
The tumor
The cough


Stop Chemo.
Stop Radiation.
It's not going away.
IV drips at home.
Bolus fluids.
Still no treatment.
Still not getting any better.
Bad news.
It spread.
How long?
I'm scared.
She is scared.
We are scared.
I cry.
She says stop.
I cant focus.
I cant think.
My grades are slipping.
You need to fight harder.
I need to do it for her.
She changed her mind.
She is scared.
She's not ready.
Just go.


Not ready to quit
To stop fighting
But I know no matter what
Everything Will be OK.


~Sheila~ said...


Is she going to go to Houston for a second opinion or to see what kind of treatment options she has?

I'm scared to go over there because I love her too and I know I will be very sad. Angel is trying not to have a hard time with everything.

Let me know if you need anything.

Cyn said...

Thanks. Houston didnt accept her after all because she is too weak to walk and cant sit for 9 hours. FUck... I cant sit for 9 hours, not even two. Faith is trying to get her on a trial with doctors all over the world. We'll see. Yall need to spend as much time as you can with her, scared or not. Just pretend like everything is ok. dont talk about it. dont feel sorry for her. just be there. she needs it.

Anonymous said...

Cyn, you, your grmas, and your family are in my prayers!

Cyn said...

(Anonymous)... Thank you for the prayers