Monday, August 31, 2009
♥I realized that I hate the "Pecan" or "Main"campus (one of the many campuses affiliated with my regular school (Nursing & Allied Health). I hate stupid kids who think they know it all and wear stilletos like they're going to a freakin' club then complain about it. AND I ESPECIALLY HATE WHEN THEY SAY THEY ARE IN SCHOOL CAUSE THEIR PARENTS MADE THEM GO OR ELSE THEY'D HAVE TO WORK. (Kinda sounds like my SIL) I miss MY campus. Where you have to be accepted to get in (besides getting accepted into college), where everyone is a medical PROFESSIONAL, and the students are not like, "OMG, that guy is soooo HAWTTT!!!", "Do I have lipstick on my teeth?". I was SOOO annoyed that these people were in my way and taking up my oxygen. I'm not one for drama, I am waaaaaay too old for that shit... Seriously though... Young chicks=TOO MUCH D-R-A-M-A! So that obviously means I dont wanna know about your drama and get the F**K out of my face. I have a splitting headache and I lost my glasses. >:-(. OK enough ranting.
♥Despite all the negative stuff I had to say... I am truly an optimist. Truth of the matter is, I got my workout anyway. I walked from my truck (which was REALLLLLY far away) and I carried two huge-super-heavy books all day 'cause I didn't take a back pack (that's no one's fault but my own). My arms are gonna be so sore. Even though I don't get to work out for a while, I will eventually get to. I get to go to my photography class tomorrow. I'm not exactly looking forward to Spanish or Statistics... but I need them, so I will make the best of it. I will maintain an "ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE" because I am blessed and fortunate to go to school. I miss my "old school" friends dearly and wish them luck 'cause they start preceps tomorrow!
♥And last but not least... Mortimer the Frog died. :(. I've been so stressed I didn't even really care anymore. I feel guilty now after the fact for thinking "that is one less responsibility". I know... very crappy on my part. I buried him... well not really. I was too tired to dig a hole so I put him on a pile of leaves in the back and just threw some more on top. UGH... And some of you might think... who cares, its just a frog. That may be so... but it was MY frog, and as grossed out as I got if I had to touch it, I raised it for three years.
♥Time for bed... I'm beat!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Remembering the greatest gift God ever gave me...
An Angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. And whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth."
She's not doing any better, in fact... I hate to admit I see her declining more and more. She is down to 80 pounds and is sleeping less and less while the pain is intensifying. The midnight back rubs are also increasing, but they help her sleep. So even if I have to wake up three times a night, I will. She always did say I had "healing hands". That means I am awake more at night. I find myself tired and stressed... and that's 'cause she calls on grandpa more than me. I'm on edge and often battling frustration. I never let her see it, though. I don't ever want her to think she is a burden, because she is not. I just ask God to give me patience, and He does. Some say, "I cant see her like that, It's too painful" or "I'm scared to see her like that"but truth of the matter is that she has been there for everyone of us. Don't you think she is scared? She is a loosing a battle to Cancer. Her own body is killing her, suffocating her. Where are you when she needs you? I'm just disappointed, but I know in my heart I am doing everything I can.
Her body is so frail;
Skin so cold and pale.
Sunken cheeks and eyes;
Scared but never cries.
Every breath is a struggle for air;
For her this burden, I wish to bare.
Overwhelmed by pain;
Chemo still infused through her vein.
This Cancer consuming her is very swift;
Thus every moment is a priceless gift.
I think I need a vacation... Seriously. I debated on going to visit mom, but I cant help but feel guilty for not being home with grams. I went to a BBQ last night with my girlfriends. It was nice just getting out. I haven't been doing much of that lately. I remember when my life was all about partying. Whoa! Where did those days go? I mean it was less than a year ago. I'm OK with it... it gets a little old. I started going to church on Wednesdays... It's a little different from Sunday service but I really like it. My life seems to be going in a different direction, I actually find peace in that. Anyways, I guess I'm done venting. Not much else going on. School starts back up on Monday. Yay! lol. I signed up for photography. Pretty excited about that. Wish me luck! Oh yeah... I almost forgot... My frog is sick. ;(. Yeah I have a frog. Gross I know. But I started to collect froggies... like stuffed frogs years ago and one day I saw a cute little frog at Wal-mart. But it turned into this 5 inch slime ball that I have grown accustomed to. He was like super fat... now he has lost weight, wont eat or swim. Ugh... I don't like touching slimy things so I gross out even thinking about force feeding him... YUCK! OK that's all lol.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
♥I am excited about this semester, I'm signing up for two kinesiology classes and like three others not worth mentioning. Eh... I could seriously use the exercise, lol. What better motivation is there than to be graded on it? I'll keep y'all updated on that. I'll also be spending more time through out the semester at my nursing campus to work on that portfolio I mentioned previously. Some say its busy work, and it probably is... but I seriously feel I could benefit from it.
♥I guess that's all folks... not much to say at the moment... not much going on.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Me: Um... the band broke again, I got a ride from Sheila,
Dad: (All Pissed off) Well I'm not putting anymore money into your truck. I'll pick it up tonight.
Me: (Click; I hang up) %^&*(%^&*()(&^^&*$%^&*%^&*
Yeah... enough said. Ughhh... he pisses me off. I cant even remember the last time he worked on my truck besides Tuesday. (There's more to the story but let's save that for another post)
I get to the office. Actually, she was in (you know who's office, If not refresh yourself with this post) Despite every explanation and desperate attempt to secure my seat back into the program this fall, I was unsuccessful. Apparently they don't feel it is enough time for me to grasp what I missed. They obviously aren't listening! It's not that I don't grasp the material, I just had some distractions. No use, I just stormed off. I went downstairs and saw some of my friends, they were taking the second exit exam. Some of my really good friends were still upstairs testing. Anyhow... I sat and chatted with them for a bit. They started to talk about how they didn't have to try since they had already passed the first exam and how they were excited that they found their preceptors for their 160 hour preceptorship. I couldn't help but feel a sense of depersonalization. Kinda like an out of body experience. I heard them talking but all of a sudden I started to feel like I was drifting. I should have been there too, excited about my preceptorship in the ER, and how pinning is a month and a half away... prepping for NCLEX. Like this is all just a bad dream and I'm just waiting to wake up. I just felt like I didn't belong anymore. Anyway... its not a dream and I'm definitely not waking up. I am happy for them. Actually, I am so proud of them I just wish things had gone better for me.
Little by little some of my friends started come downstairs. Some had a sigh of relief, they passed. Some didn't even try at all since they passed on the first try. Others were devastated that despite all the studying, they didn't pass. All I could do was offer a few words of comfort encouraging them. I let them know that I understand how it feels and reassured them that it is not the end of the world, as they did for me.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
"To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is
mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and,
when the time comes to let it go, let it go""
♥(Forgive me for being Vague, I often have this tendency) Have you ever wanted something so bad? Well... there are a lot of things I want SOOOO bad especially one (Aside from nursing). And... perhaps this desire that I have may not be so good for me (OK... well its not bad either, per say). I believe that I will not so much benefit from it, more like it will consume a lot of my energy and effort. But that's what you do, Right? You sacrifice for things you want. You learn what it means to live for something else. Something other than "ME". Maybe I never had a chance in the first place, but I it felt so damn good when I "tried it on". I can honestly say that I have felt this once before, but that's the past and neither here, nor there. I don't know... I guess I have been thinking a lot lately and I'm starting to feel it just might not be worth the effort. I feel I'm letting it go. Like the saying goes "If it's meant to be...it will be" and like my FAV Jack Johnson sang "Time doesn't wait... That's OK because I don't wait for time." It's pointless waiting around for something that may never come around. All I can do is leave it in God's hands and maybe something better may come along.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
♥Speaking of school... I have my appointment tomorrow instead of Friday. I'm really praying for some good news! I hope to get back into the program this Fall semester. I am determined to do so and I will NOT take "no" for an answer...
♥Why am I still sleepy? I slept 9 hours. That is more than I used to get in an entire week. OMG!
♥ So that exam I would have taken Monday didn't go so well for some of my friends. I just reassured them that everything was gonna be OK. They have to take the HESI exit exam next and they get to take it twice. I don't worry about them... They'll be OK!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
♥about 15 minutes later... dad gets there with My aunt's BF Joe. He tells me to pop the hood open so he can check it... Sure enough... it's the belt. How did I know??? Well... I kept hearing a really screechy noise and well I know that's the belt... But I didn't tell anyone... AND IF I HAD... this wouldn't have occurred. ;( OK, its all my fault but I'm like super busy I didn't have time to report it. Back to the story... Dad leaves the A/C on in his truck so that his spoiled rotten QUEEN DIVALICIOUS daughter (ME, DUH) can go sit in it while they hook up her truck to his to get it home. So while dad and Joe are out side sweating, I am in the fresh A/C thinking how I might blog about my incident. So I take some pics... Of me... not the truck... or the men working on my truck... OOOH that one's cute... so I take another... lol... You'll never guess what happens next...
♥Or can you??? OK humor me... Take a wild guess... This is fun... Don't ya think? Dad's A/C blew out. LMAO!!! that is what I get for being a narcissistic whiny brat! So, I never made it to my destination, and I am truck-less until about 6 or so... 'Cause dad says it's TOO HOTTT!!! OH WELLL!!!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
∞ So while everyone was out celebrating last night... I sat outside while my aunt and vodka kept me company. And when life gives you lemons, drink tequila! I had some of that too. I kinda joked about retaking the class... I thought, well at least I get to see "you know who" again, lol. ∞
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
And those who don't.
As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials,
Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
1 liter of water each day,
At the end of the year we would have absorbed
More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria
Found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop..
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
Because alcohol has to go through a purification process
Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
Than to drink water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service!
Monday, August 3, 2009
"My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no
man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I
can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold
the key to my destiny."
♥ I had an exam today... It was the last of four. I studied harder than I ever have, I was committed to this HARDCORE! I slept 3 hours a night if that. I was SOOOO positive...NOPE! I didn't even have a single melt down. Last night I went to bed at 2 (talking to RJ), woke up at 5 to meet my friends at Whataburger to squeeze in a little more studying. I get to class at 8 and I can feel it in my bones that I am gonna rock it! I get my test... 1st part... Neuro... I got this... 2nd part... Endocrine... WTF!!! I mean I know this stuff. What sucks is that our exams aren't knowledge based. It's all application. Well... I didn't pass my exam. ;( I got a 74. Remember, in nursing world 75 is passing. 1 freakin' point... one question... So now I need to score an 80 on my final to pass. It's do-able, but I only have three days to study. I'm am shakin' in my knickers folks. I cant afford to fail. I have to do this. I need to make my grandma proud, she needs to see me graduate because chances are, she might not be around if I have to wait to take the course again. I don't have anyone to blame but myself. But I was feeling good about this, what happened? Well, I'm not a quitter, it's not in my nature. I am gonna get my 80 or better. I am gonna pass. I NEED to. Wish me luck... and keep me and grams in your prayers. ♥