My Angel

Grandma's birthday is just around the corner, 5 days in fact. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her and how I wished she was here to see my beautiful son and give me countless advice, much of which I probably wouldn't ask for but being the grandma she was, she'd give it anyway. I just know she would have adored him (along with Jacob and Alice, the other new additions to our family this year). I remember her last birthday with us like it was yesterday... She was so upset about it. She had cancer but believed with every breathe in her body she would beat it. She was upset with every gathering since her diagnosis because she said we were getting together like it was her last one... we never really knew when the last one would be, so we cherished each and every one. Even though she was upset, she got over it cause she always loved parties... she liked the attention. She used to say my grandpa got all the attention lol. Well, 2 years have come and gone since her passing, I can still smell her perfume... which were actually mine but she loved the scents so she would use them all. I can still feel her hands, they were rough and dry (kinda like how your hands feel after using clorox) and her knuckles were very bony and large from arthritis. She hated her hands, but that's what I loved the most about her. Those hands caressed my face, wiped my tears, patted me to sleep, and held my own. I'll never forget them. I see her in my dreams from time to time and it brings me peace, I wake up feeling like for just a moment, she was here again. Matthew smiles a lot during his sleep (as most babies do), I like to think that my grandma is whispering to him. I know she is our guardian angel, and that brings me comfort. I can honestly say, she was the best grandma in the world and I was so lucky to have her... Happy Birthday Grammy... I love you!

Time's flying

I can't believe how time flies by these days. Perhaps it's the sleepless nights and days that all roll over to the next, the fact that I started working again, and the exhaustion making everything feel like a flash. My little man is a whole new person (and while I say this I hope I didn't jinx him), his tummy is much better and his formula has finally settled with him making him MUCH less fussy. Can I hear an AMEN! He is sleeping a little better through the night which is definitely helping. Some nights I can get 5 hours of sleep in between one of his feedings (then he usually wants to eat every 2 hours for the next couple of feedings). Even though it's been really rough coping with Matthew's tummy troubles and my hormones (very emotional), things are finally settling down. My mom has been a great help and I am very blessed to have her. The best part is being able to watch him play and coo and smile whereas before, he was much more serious and in pain all the time.

Matthew had his 2 month check up (yes, ;( he got his shots) and he weighed in at a whopping 10 lbs 8 ounces. OK, so he is still little and doesn't weigh much but he's gained almost 5 pounds since birth. He did better than I expected with the shots, I, of course, cried much more than he did. It's just so hard to see your little one in pain. He pretty much cried for a couple seconds and fell asleep. I was expecting the worst... I heard all the horror stories with babies being so fussy and getting an elevated temp afterwards, but not my Mattey, he slept... and slept... AND SLEPT for almost 24 hours waking up only to feed and even then, he would eat just an ounce or two. He did throw up and got a major case of the runs though :-/

Work has been going great and I've even tried working a little more this past week. It really kicked my ass but that's only cause I'm not used to working as much (it's not much more than I worked when I was pregnant, but I have been out of work for 2 months so it feels like more) and I still don't sleep much, I've been told I never will again lol and I believe it too. Matthew has done really good with the sitter, he doesn't get picked up as much as he does at home but he sits in his bouncy and watches TV... he likes the cooking channel lol, SHE likes the cooking channel. I don't care as long as he's OK... I just wish it was educational... Like ABC educational, not learning how to make a souffle educational (at least not yet lol) anyhow, it sure beats daycare.

As far as me, my life obviously revolves around my son, and I like it that way. My mom said I needed to be more social, but aside from the women at work, I don't have "friends" here. I haven't taken the time to socialize and meet anyone, it's kinda hard to with a baby and right now, I'm not concerned about it. While I'm beginning to appreciate the small town life, the way I see it, there is nothing to do around here, at least nothing I'd like to do. From what I've learned first hand, you cant take a shit with out the whole town finding out. (I didn't mean take a shit literally, but you know what I mean), Some people just don't have anything better to do. I don't know, I guess I still miss the Valley and everyone there. I think what I need to do is focus on myself more. I need to get back into shape and it will most definitely help de-stress, thing is... I cant seem to get motivated. I heard on the radio that 28 is the best age to lose weight cause you're more dedicated... well, I'm a little past that lol. My metabolism is as fast as molasses, I just had a baby, and I'm tired all the time. I think those 2o pounds I lost, I have gained... oh well, nothing I can do about it now. I'm gonna do it... hopefully sooner than later lol. I think I need to make my motivation playlist with nothing but Madonna and J.T... Cause this momma is gonna bring sexy back! DAMN RIGHT!

So much, so soon

I should be sleeping at almost 1 am since I've had a rather exhausting day but silly me I decided to drink some ice cold tea and well, I'm caffeine sensitive :-/. My son is down for his "nap". I guess they're all naps since they don't last more than three hours. It wont be long before he wakes so I may as well stay awake.
This week has been quite difficult... it seems as if Matthew is growing ever so rapidly and it makes me kinda sad. Of course I want him to grow, but I also want him to stay little forever... And well, I know he will always be my baby boy, I just wish it happened gradually... He is growing so fast, so soon. First he finally outgrows size newborn diapers a few days ago. My 5lb 13oz little bundle of joy is now my 8.5 lbs bundle of joy... I still wanna squeeze him into a tiny newborn diaper lol... but then we have a poopy situation... yes, he will poop out of them = NO BUENO! Then I try at size 0-3 onsie... AND IT FITS... a tad big, but it fits. Yes he still fits in newborn clothing (some tighter than others, so we'll just have to get rid of those) but this also means he fits into the next size. I guess I shouldn't complain, some babies don't even fit in newborn sizes and I got to enjoy mine for almost two months (he might even fit in some of them after... we'll see :))Today he drank 4 ounces of formula (does this mean another growth spurt?)... I'm not sure his tummy could handle it but 3-3.5 ounces was not filling him up. He was literally shoving his fists in his mouth cause he was STARVING... so he made it seem. In 13 days he will be 2 months old which means 10 months and 13 days till his first birthday... It's gonna fly by so quick. Yesterday he was able to lift himself off the bed... grabbing on to my mom's fingers of course... I know it's a milestone but like any mother would think... "My child is a genius" lol. He is talking and smiling a lot more when he isn't fussing... it's so adorable.
So much has happened so quick that it breaks my heart to go back to work on Monday, but unfortunately, I have to ;( not only financially, but I think for my own sanity. Don't get me wrong, I adore my son and would rather stay home, but I need adult time too and almost two months thus far of tummy troubles and constant crying really takes a toll on you physically, it just wears you out. I think my fear is that I am going to miss out on something that I wouldn't if I stayed at home... but again, I don't have that privilege. I took him yesterday to meet the sitter. She is an old lady and comes highly recommended. Apparently she's raised a few kids in town. She seems kinda physically slow, but then again she's old... what am I supposed to expect, right? She takes care of one other child, soon to be two years old. I hope she adjusts to Matthew cause her momma wont wanna deal with me if my son comes home with bites lol. When I arrived the TV stayed on the cooking channel the whole time. Granted Paula Dean is fun to watch (and you'll get a bonus clogged artery at the same time just for watching) I kinda expected for cartoons to be on (not that I expect cartoons to baby sit the kid). I guess the kid has a good imagination since the old lady is a channel hoarder. One thing I didn't necessarily like was that she was telling me about the little girls lunch... She said that day she was being particularly picky and pointed to jello, so she gave her jello... then she pointed to marshmallows so she gave her that... ate a few bites of macaroni and I don't know what else. Ummm, Sorry but that doesn't seem like a balanced much less healthy meal. I sure hope that's not what she feeds my son when he is able to eat solids. Another thing... She said she wasn't as "strict" as she used to be. I asked her how many naps the little girl takes through out the day and she replied... "I just don't think it's that big of a deal anymore... if she wants to nap, she naps, if she doesn't, she doesn't". OK... I've only been a mom for a second but I kinda know that kids need structure... and that includes naps. Don't get me wrong... I like the lady, she seems nice and it sure as hell beats putting Matthew in day care, so for now, it will work. It's been a while since she has taken care of an infant but she says she loves them... I just hope mine doesn't scare her lol. I'm actually scared to leave him... I don't think anyone can care for him like I can (or my mom) but I suppose that's every mother. Since Matthew has been sick from his tummy since he was born, he is quite needy... I just hope both she and the little girl adjust... Matthew too for that matter, I don't think she will cater to his every cry like we do.
I mentioned in a previous post about diapers... I change my mind... I still prefer Pampers Swaddlers over Pampers baby dry... They are much softer and I think they keep the skin drier, but that is just my opinion, they still work pretty good. Just in case anyone wanted to know lol.
Well, It's that time again... Feeding time or changing time... Let's go find out

Welcome to Motherhood

It's been a while since my last post... Why you ask? Cause I've been freakin' tired, that's why lol. It's actually getting better but it has definitely been an experience. Being that I have friends and family members with babies on the way I'd like to share my experience thus far... Now don't get me wrong, every pregnancy and every baby is different and I was one of the not so lucky ones who got both ends rough. We all know my pregnancy was full of complications, the birth of my son was complicated (not too complicated but very far from what I had in mind), and as if it's not difficult enough to be a single mother, my son came with his share of complications. Let me give you a run down...
Week 1:
I arrived home from the hospital with out any pain killers to get me through the day/evening trying to recuperate from a c-section. Because I live in a cheap-ass town (OK it really isn't "cheap-ass" but that is how I felt when I was in pain and our local HEB pharmacy along with all the other pharmacies closed at 4pm or earlier). Because we live in the country, our roads are bumpy and when your uterus has just been sliced open and your skin is held together with a strip of glue (That's right, no stitches or staples), it literally feels like you're going to bust open. From day 2, Matthew had tummy trouble. He screamed for hours off the top of his lungs and to make matters worse I had such a hard time getting in and out of bed because of the pain... Remember, I had NO pain killers, and I'm sure there are some tough chicks out there who can do it with out pain pills, but I NEEDED them. My son went home eating less than 10 mL of formula, therefore he wanted to eat every 2 hours or less. He has gradually made his way up and is now eating every 2.5-4 hours. I tried having him sleep in the bassinet but that didn't work. I finally got my pain killers and it still didn't help, but you gotta get over it 'cause you have a whole new person you're responsible for. THANK GOD FOR MY MOM!
Weeks 1-3 were all pretty much the same. Matthew cried for hours, day in and day out. His tummy was hard and distended, he would scream when he had to pass gas or have a bowel movement... and as we would later find out, he is allergic to milk protein and soy, making him very gassy, thus causing him to scream ALL THE TIME. He was inconsolable, I rocked him, sang to him, bounced him, cradled him, caressed him, and NOTHING worked. We tried chamomile, salvia, warm olive oil on his belly, Karo syrup, gas drops, gripe water, warm tummy compresses, spent over $150.00 in bottles trying to find the right one (Dr. Brown's, Avent, Playtex Nurser etc... we finally stopped with Playtex VentAire)... you name it, we tried it and no relief. I tried breast feeding but since I hardly lactated, I tried using a pump and between both breasts I would get less than 10 mLs... That wasn't even enough to feed him. I was exhausted and frustrated and I knew my baby could feel it. My mom would come help, all he needed was a change of arms. All I wanted to do was console my child and I couldn't. I started to feel like he preferred my mother over me (I realized later that the baby could sense my frustration, my being tense made him more tense, but of course he loves his Grammy). I started to feel inadequate, I couldn't lactate, I couldn't give birth to my son much less see his birth since I was put under with general anesthesia which means I didn't hear his first cries, and I couldn't console him. I even questioned if I had post partum depression. It was really rough, I had my days where I cried because I didn't know what else to do. But seriously... crying doesn't get you anywhere. Matthew went through 5 formula changes and I quit trying to pump since I was completely exhausted. With him waking up every 3 hours to feed (which means he sleeps for 3 hours and I sleep for 1.5, IF THAT, after a diaper change, burping, rocking him to sleep, and however long it takes me to fall asleep). He had his bad days and he had slightly better ones.
Weeks 4-7
All of the above minus the self pity. I'm not sure if he was actually a little better or I was just used to it already... actually, I was just used to the constant crying and the frequent feedings. Matthew started to have blood in his stool. At this point he was on Similac Allimentum already which is already pretty sensitive. That's when his pediatrician said he had a reaction to that as well. Here we go again, my baby is a month old and another formula change. This time, Enfamil Nutramigen. We started off with powder and yet he seemed to get worse so I switched him to the ready to use version of the formula. He seemed to tolerate it much better. If it's the same formula, why does he do better with one over the other? I spent over an hour on the phone with Enfamil since his pediatrician said there was no difference (he was pissing me off because he didn't seem as concerned as I was). It all boiled down to a probiotic in the powder that isn't in the ready to use. If probiotics help his tummy, why was it doing the opposite? Finally after 6 weeks and trying anything and everything I finally figured out that he can tolerate the powder if I prepare it in advance, therefore the formula has time to breakdown more (IDK that's just my opinion) and there is less air in the mix. He is still fussy but it is way more tolerable than before (I'm just hoping his caregiver can handle him). I can now sing my son to sleep, play with him, listen to him coo, see him smile, etc. One of the downfalls to his tummy troubles is that he now required to be rocked to sleep and he NEEDS to sleep with me. No bassinet and no "by-my-side sleeper" (tiny cradle that you can put on your bed. That's what happens when he practically has lived in our arms for a month (not cause we were trying to spoil him, but console him) Oh yeah, and I changed pediatricians, that other one pissed me off and I just didn't wanna deal with him anymore. The new pediatrician said he could possible have acid reflux so she prescribed him some medication to help for that, he may eventually see a GI doctor... I'm thinking that's our best bet.
Although we've been through a lot in such little time, I cant say I know it all. We (my mom and I) are still learning and will continue to learn. But here is my advice, take it if you like, no hard feelings if you don't...
(These first ones are passed on from my friends) Be patient. Don't give up on yourself, you're stronger than you think. Remember your baby is new and sometimes it takes a while to get to know each other. Don't be afraid to get a second opinion. In regards to diapers, I prefer Pampers swaddlers over huggies little snugglers...due to leaks. Matthew just upgraded to a size 1 and well I have bought Pampers baby dry to test them out since you get more for your buck... not too bad. If you have a colicky baby, I use Colic Calm (found at CVS, homeopathic, does not contain sugar, alcohol, or sodium bicarbonate, but makes baby's poop very dark) and Wellements gripe water (found at Wallgreens, organic and has sodium bicarbonate, but no sugar or alcohol), some people swear by them, I was just looking for a ray of light. Formula is expensive especially when you have so many changes and leave many cans unused or partially used. Sign up at Similac or Enfamil website, you get coupons and they will even send you formula samples (usually a can or 2 if you're lucky). Use coupons, it's a money saver, BABIES ARE EXPENSIVE. So much for my 12 days of Dooney and Bourke this Holiday season lol (Although, I think I deserve a push gift or two from myself, but I have my eye on a Burberry bag, we'll see ;) ) Don't buy crap for convenience, I learned that the hard way... Money wasters... Car and Nursery Bottle warmers (baby doesn't wanna wait 15 minutes for bottle to warm... get your ass up and warm it, I know you're exhausted, just make sure you check the temp, it took me a while to get used to it)... make sure the formula allows warming, Enfamil Nutramigen has probiotics that are no longer present when warmed... it kills the bacteria or something. I also ordered a travel wipe warmer from walmart.com... Prince Lionheart travel warmer... only has room for 3o and they run out quick. I figured it was perfect for home and travel since it has both wall connection and car charger. We didn't have then growing up so I'm you pretty much dont need one. I bought it cause I thought I could take it with me when we go to town, it has a car charger, but with all the baby stuff you have to carry, I usually forget the warmer. Just get the big one if you insist on a warmer.

Things I love

I LOVE the Diaper Genie, that's just my opinion. Arm and Hamme makes these little poopy bags for the poopy diapers for when you're out on the town (Thanks Amy). Johnson & Johnson hand and face wipes, $2.50 for 25 count but they are a good fresher upper for the baby. Pampers Sensitive wipes... they supposedly dont sting and since Matthew's formula makes him poop like 8 times a day, his bottom can get raw (I'm considering switching to Huggies wipes (sensitive) since they are thicker). I have yet to find large receiving blankets so I use the ones I stole (YES I SAID "I STOLE") from the hospital. I kept three lol ;) While they aren't soft like the ones from the store, you can still swaddle your baby and have leg room. Huggies makes disposable changing pads (Because I now have a budget, if he doesnt poop or pee on it and I usually dont put his bottom down on it, I re-use it (I think only 8 come in the pack). I love anything I can get from Target but since it's an hour away, I gotta settle from our crappy selection at our local Walmart... And let m tell you, I'd rather order online cause they dont have JACK! I cant even find the ready to use formula that my son is on. I'm iffy on the bottle sterilizer... that's roughly 25 bucks you can save when you can just boil... I bought it anyway, it's pretty convenient nonetheless. Those blue pacifiers from the hospital are ugly and they get hooked, so if you plan on using one, take one of your own. Oh yeah... outings WILL NEVER BE THE SAME! I cant really think of anything else at the moment, I'm sleep deprived... Can you blame me? lol. One more thing... Don't be afraid to ask for help or look for communities online where you can communicate with other mothers going through the same issues you are, it helps to know you're not alone. As for me, I'm scheduled to return to work this coming Monday, Let's just say I'm not too happy. I wish I could be a stay at home mom, at least for the first year, but I'm not that fortunate.

A whole new world...

I have finally found a meaning and my purpose to this life... My son, Matthew Landon. Words can not describe the love I have for him, and as corny as it sounds, he completes me; He is what I have been missing my whole life. My eyes well up with tears (tears of happiness) and my heart skips a beat (or two, or three) at the sight of him. I have found the love of my life, one that is unconditional, one that I can call mine forever. I didn't expect to feel like this, well actually, I didn't really know what to expect. The day I found out I was getting induced I was beyond scared, I didn't feel prepared, but is anyone ever really prepared? Anxiousness and excitement followed. I didn't take any birthing classes, I just felt that when the moment came, I'd probably forget everything and nature would kick in anyway. Thursday, July 28, 2011 was like any other day, any other appointment. I had a non-stress test, followed by a biophysical profile, followed by a visit from the doctor... only much to my surprise, my doctor wasn't there so I had to see a midwife. Matthew hadn't been moving so much for the past three BPP's and my amniotic fluid dropped again. For the safety of the baby and of my own, they agreed it was time to induce. An EZ cath was inserted in to my cervix at the office... basically it's a foley catheter and they inflate the balloon with saline to thin/ripen my cervix. I was told I would be started on pitocin at 6 am. Ready or not... it was time. I drove myself to the hospital (yes walking with a catheter between your legs is quite uncomfortable, and to top it off, blood was dripping down my legs). Induction was started in the morning, the catheter didn't fall out until noon. My amniotic bag was broken around 4pm. I had been tolerating my contractions pretty well. I was trying to focus and breathing through them; Mom was a pretty good coach. Once the amniotic bag was broken, the intensity of my contractions doubled, and I thought they were quite strong already... They peaked on the strip so I didn't know how much stronger they could get. For roughly 2-3 hours my contractions were coming 1-2 minutes apart. My plan was to have an epidural... I didn't have anything to prove to anyone and besides, why put myself through the pain? The anesthesiologist finally came to give me some relief... or so I thought. He tried 6 times going higher and higher up my spine trying to get the epidural in, it wouldn't budge. Apparently I now have spinal stenosis or something or other. Well, I guess I'd have to endure a natural childbirth. And that was OK with me (It's not like I really had a choice lol). 7pm came around and I hadn't dilated past 4cm, the doctor decided it was time to take the alternate route, a c-section... What I wasn't prepared for was hearing that I had to be put under general anesthesia since the epidural didn't take. I've always had a fear of general anesthesia, partly because of my control issue, I wouldn't know what was going on, but worst of all, I feared I wouldn't wake up. My mother was allergic to a type of general anesthesia and it nearly killed her. Here I was, about to be a mother for the first time, and what if I didn't ever get to meet him? OK, so I know I can be a little dramatic but fear is fear, and I couldn't control that. I cried and cried until I passed out, literally. I remember the anesthesiologist saying I'm going to press on your throat and it's going to feel like you cant breath... OK, who wouldn't panic when someone is practically choking you? I have no recollection of what happened next, I didn't dream, I didn't think. I woke up in recovery. I vaguely recall the sounds of my son's cries. The nurse put my son to my breast. I had to ask my mom if I cried when I first saw him 'cause I couldn't remember. She said yes. lol. Matthew Landon never left my sight. He was never taken to a baby nursery. He graced our presence at 8:21pm on 7/29/11 weighing in at 5lbs 13oz and measuring 18in long. He sure was a precious little peanut, and he was all mine! I feel like I missed the best part, seeing my son come in to this world. It almost feels like a dream and at any moment I can wake up like I fabricated this entire story. Clearly that's not what I want, I love my son and I love everything about being a mother. I just feel I missed a very important part of his birth but truth of the matter is, the best part is right in my arms. <3
Because Matthew was never taken to a nursery, motherhood set in quite rapidly. Mom was there the first night in the hospital, but since my dad and his wife came in to town to visit my son and I, she gave them the opportunity to stay with me... which they didn't take, so I was on my own. To make matters worse Matthew had tummy troubles which meant I couldn't sleep a wink. The first half of the night I slowly managed to get in and out of bed to get him, the second half, I just let him sleep on my chest. He still cried and cried but at least I didn't have to endure the painful movements of climbing out of that hospital bed. A nurse was kind enough to watch him for a couple minutes so I could bathe... at 3 am. Yup... he had been so fussy I couldn't get away. I wouldn't doubt he kept the whole hall awake. I bet my "neighbors" were thinking... "what the hell are they doing to that poor child" lol. The second hardest thing I had to deal with was his circumcision. I debated and debated on whether or not to do it. I couldn't stand the thought of my newborn son being in pain. I cried and cried as I contemplated over my decision. The nurse came to get him. He was sound asleep when he arrived, but when the doctor came to check up on him, he screamed off the top of his lung when he heard the doctor's voice. For over half an hour my poor baby was inconsolable... and of course I cried, I began to regret my decision.
So we are home now and he is almost two weeks old. Time sure flies. he is beginning to fill out... putting on some weight. His family jewels have healed up, thank God for that! He is pretty much on a schedule and feeds every 2-3 hours. My biggest challenge is breast feeding/pumping. Who the heck has time to pump every time the baby eats? Seriously? Between feedings, changing diapers, burping him (this happens to be quite the task/challenge), trying to get sleep myself... then pumping... and to make matters worse, I hardly lactate (doctor said my heat stroke probably had a lot to do with it, not to mention the fact that the baby was early). Regardless, I am determined, I may not pump as frequently as I should but I still try. I don't get enough for a feeding, not even half an ounce :( but what little I can offer my son is good enough for me. I've spent almost two weeks in pajamas, except for 3 days that we went out... 2 for appointments and once to have dinner. Time is flying and before I know it, I will be back to work, and my heart will break.
I love every minute with my son. My life will never be the same, and I wouldn't have it any other way. God has truly blessed me, and I am forever grateful!

No hugs for da thugs...

(This one's for Missy... 'cause she says I only write about Matthew these days and AS IF SHE HAS EVEN READ A BLOG IN OVER A YEAR... What! Don't act like I don't know)

Nope... no hugs for da thugs, from me anyway. So I get to a patient's apartment today and there were some NASTY looking wanna-be gangstas in a parking area near by (No offense to those who like the gangstas or the cholos.. and this has nothing to do with race... just so happens to be my observation today). No, I didn't get scared, nor did I hang on to my belongings tightly like I do when I go to Mexico (although, that might be a good idea since the patient did say to always lock up and never leave anything that can be stolen in the car), I mean... why should I fear them? They should fear me... They don't call me the "Nutcracker" for nothing! LOL Just kidding, I crack myself up sometimes... OK, so I made the "nutcracker" part up but I am from the Valley, so I'm sure I can scrape up some PSJA (Pharr-San Juan-Alamo) flava and lay it on them. Of course I look, NOT 'cause they're hot, but because their pants are hanging off their asses, my poor eyes are blinded by their ghetto foil paper grillz, and I cant help but wonder if those do-rags cut off circulation to their brain (That's just the nurse in me... What? I'm genuinely concerned). And can someone please explain to me why it is that men and I suppose some women too, who wear their pants at their knees have the need to grab their crotch? I don't desire to see the size of their package, if they really wanted they could ask me to measure it... like I said, I'm a nurse, and what nurse doesn't carry a measuring tape? Would they like me to examine their VD (venereal disease)? Cause I'd rather leave that up to someone else? And they don't just grab it for a second or two, they start walking towards me and keep it in their hand, and of course they got their swag and walk with a limp like they "got shot with a few shells" like 50 cent. Anyways... So no, I definitely wasn't interested in their looks as opposed to all the curiosities that flooded my brain at that moment. I don't mind all saggy pants wearing men... I mean.. I LOOOVE me some Usher and Chino Moreno... just to name a few, but they aren't gross and I suppose it's just a matter of personal preference, but that's just me. Anyhow... since I now live in the country and I dont see any Usher's or Chino's around here, I get to see some nice looking "Wrangler butts". I don't always look at their face 'cause sometimes the teeth scare me (they either don't have any or they are in between orange, brown, and black... They snuff a lot around here... AND AGAIN, IT'S NOT EVERYONE BEFORE ANYONE STARTS TO FEEL OFFENDED) I like to look at a nice smile (and a nice butt), again... that's just my preference.

Back to that patient I was visiting... He has a lot of interesting stories he shares with me, some are scary, some are odd, and some are just way weird (I'm charting while he is yapping away, I really do listen and throw in an "uh huh" or an "oh my word" in every once in a while so he knows I'm listening lol). It's aways a different story. Today was about the prostitute that was getting evicted. So this young woman who has a husband in prison (who, btw, is getting out very soon) has been turning tricks out of her apartment. He sees all kinds of men at all hours of the day go in and out of that apartment. He said he has even seen young boys going going to get serviced. I was curious... so I wanted to see her and see what she looked like, I didn't get to though. He also said that this same woman came over to borrow something one day. From outside his door he said to the woman (wearing a mini tube top dress), you "know...it's not really that hot outside for so little clothes" she apparently got a kick out of it and flashed him. Now, the patient didn't say his reaction to the flash, so I wont comment on that part... but what old man wont get excited about that? Then again, what old man wont get a heart attack from that either? LOL. Anyways, he went on and on with different stories as he usually does, but I only have time for so much and my attention span doesn't allow for too much at one time. I'm sure I'll hear more on the next visit.

Counting down...

Almost 37 weeks and counting... I cant say I'm "miserable" like I hear most women say throughout pregnancy but with 3 weeks or less to go, I am finally starting to feel "pregnant". By that I mean short of breath, I got the penguin waddle down to the "T", I cant get out of a comfy chair as quick as I used to, I cant see my nether regions, and my calves and ankles merged (so I sport cankles now, don't judge... I like to think of them as Jessica Rabbit legs... you know... from Who framed Roger Rabbit... only I'm a little curvier in more than one place than she is), my hands and feet are swollen, and from what I hear... when baby is getting near, my nose is supposed to puff up as well (at least that's what I was told by the ladies in the office... so I have someone monitoring my face... OK kinda but not really) just to name a few. Oh well, it's just a small price to pay when you look at the big reward in the end.

I had my second baby shower that the wonderful ladies from Jordan Health Services threw for me/Matthew. He got lots of great gifts and the diapers were wonderful, I think I'm set for a good while... I said "I think" 'cause I don't really know how much babies poop and pee, but I'm sure I'll find out pretty soon. My room has has been transformed and accommodates my soon to be new "room-mate", I'm definitely ready for him once he gets the eviction notice from my uterus... I'm hoping sooner than later, not because I don't enjoy being pregnant but because I cant wait to see him and hold him and squeeze him and love him forever and ever :) ... And now I sound like that Elvira character from tiny toons, but that's how I feel, I just love him soooo much already ♥ I don't think I can ever get enough of him. ♥ ♥

On another note, I'm getting a little annoyed with people saying "get ready, your life is never gonna be the same" like it's a bad thing or a threat (some say it in a good way... I guess it's just their tone) and I should be watching out for the"no turning back sign". I'm sorry if kids made their life miserable but having lost my angel several years ago, I consider Matthew a blessing and I'm looking forward to the "no turning back" sign because he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I've had a great life and my little miracle is going to make it so much better, so no, I don't mind missing my days of partying and up all-nighters, they'll just be a little different. Instead of cocktail parties and clubbing I'll have days of birthday parties and getting chased around with a foam club by my Matthew like Bam Bam from the Flintstones (Notice how I've made many cartoon references? Yup... I've done my research lol), and my up all-nighters will be countless nights round the clock feedings and diaper changes. Maybe I'm just a tad more hormonal these days but it really bothers me that some people make it sound so negative. Even with all my complications, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I just have to ignore them, I know I'm going to be a great mother, I cant say I'll be perfect, but I'll do the best damn job that I can, besides my mother is a great role model and although I'm still not Teague, Tx's biggest fan, I couldn't have made a better decision than being close to my mother.

So until "D-day" gets here (I mean Delivery day NOT DOOM'S DAY), It's more of those bi-weekly doctor's visits (yes, this now includes those highly uncomfortable and painful pelvic exams, UGH). I'm gonna miss feeling him in my tummy the most. I know I've said it before, but I just love to see my stomach move from him rolling around or kick boxing (whatever it is that he is doing in there) the most... It is such an amazing feeling. Oh yeah... did I mention doc says to keep working? With my fluid fluctuations, I was actually hoping he'd say "modified bed rest" or "it's a good idea to stop working now"... but NOOOOO :( he said it'll keep me active, and I suppose it's a good idea to keep those paychecks coming since I'm not fortunate enough to have maternity leave... well, the paid kind anyway. My cousin Amy had her baby a few days before Father's Day, and her doctor told her to stop working 6 weeks before... and that's cause she works just 45 minutes away. I live about an hours drive from the hospital and I drive 45 minutes away in the opposite direction... AND MY PREGNANCY HAS BEEN COMPLICATED... sheesh! lol, yeah, yeah, doc knows best, I'm just jealous cause I'm tired these days, but my job is very accommodating to my appointment schedule, some days I work on days I have appointments (just a little) and some days I don't. I couldn't ask for more!

Showered with love

My RGV baby shower came and went and if you ask me, we had a pretty good turn out considering many people were on vacation. The best part was that I was able to make it to my shower. Everything was planned out, car was packed, and we were ready to celebrate this baby boy... But there was one thing... I had a doctor's appointment the Thursday we were planning to leave. The original plan was to get out of work around noon and head out to the appointment, then head south to the Valley. All that changed when my dr changed the appointment to first thing in the morning because my amniotic fluid levels began to decline again. I prayed and prayed everything would be fine. My report wasn't great, fluid levels were lower than previously but I was still allowed to travel (my dr wasn't there so his associate gave me the OK not knowing any of my history. I honestly feel my dr would have put me in the hospital and there would have been a baby shower without me). I had strict rules to abide by: push fluids, don't get over-heated, rest as much as possible, and do frequent kick counts. It was impossible to have an enjoyable time feeling so paranoid about the baby's health. Little by little I started to feel the chaos of things not going as planned. I had lots to do and very little help. I started to feel like baby-momma-zilla. Things weren't going my way and at that point I wished I would have done everything myself instead to avoid all that. Like they say, "if you want things done right, do it yourself". Of course, being that I was so far away, there was only so much I could do from a distance, regardless, I was happy and very much appreciative of the help... Anxiousness and impatience got the better part of me for a moment but I quickly regained my composure. The day before the shower I still had a lot of decorations to take care of and had no help whatsoever (mom was at my step brother's house working on her own tasks). I stayed at my dad's house and was appalled that my own step mother didn't offer to help... That is until the day of the baby shower and I was already out of the shower and ready to go. Uhhh... No, I don't need your help! She saw me lifting heavy boxes to take out being that my friend was going to pick them up and take to venue... Not one finger did that woman lift. And she wonders why after 6 years or however long she's been married to my dad and we aren't BFFs. She even had the nerve to show up an hour late. And stayed for only 45 minutes. Anyways... This isn't about her but she just chaps my ass 80% of the time... (She is a great cook so that makes up for the other 20%.) Mom, my friend, my Sis in law, my cousins fiancé, and myself arrive an hour early to set up... The hour quickly passes and we had guests arriving and we weren't completely done setting up, they offered to help and we were very grateful! I forgot to pack the cake knife, the games didn't run as smoothly as I would have liked, I was tired as hell, and so ready for the day to be over, but nonetheless I had a great time seeing family and friends all who are excited about Matthew as I am
The drive back was long and uncomfortable, I hardly had any room and stretching my legs was out of the question. My room went from the usual to super chaotic. I tried organizing as much as I could but with little space and so much of Matthew's things I was starting to panic. I had an appointment the next day and had to prepare for the worst being that my fluid levels kept decreasing. I tried cleaning up and arranging as much as I could cause in my mind, I'd probably be having a baby the next day (considering all the circumstances) my bag packed and Matthew's hospital bag ready as well... turns out I didn't need them... At least not yet! Things are looking up, just hoping they stay that way for a little longer. Of course I want to see my precious baby boy, I just don't want him to have any complications from coming too soon.
I retuned to work (doc says it'll keep me active, so no bed rest for me... And no getting off work early... Awww shux! Lol JK) and with paperwork up the whazoo (I don't know how everyone else finishes so early :-/ makes me miss my previous job with PSA) and not waking up till 9AM, I haven't had time until today to get all of Matthews belongings situated and my room cleaned out. I set up the bouncer yesterday and the diaper genie today... Let me tell you I had the hardest time setting up that diaper pail thing... 2 freakin' steps and it took me forever! I couldn't get the hinge to lock but no worries, I got it! Lol! And my room looks 90% better. YAY!
The kind ladies at work are throwing me/Matthew a baby shower on Wednesday so I'm excited for that too. I didn't plan one here in town since I don't know many people but I am very grateful that they thought about us, it was a nice surprise when they told me. :D
So for now just work and bi-weekly appointments till my Matthew gets here. I couldn't be happier :D

Shy Guy

This week started my bi-weekly appointments which means I have to make the hour (OK... almost an hour) drive to Waco to have my OB check-ups. I seriously HATE the drive, not 'cause I go alone these days but because I want to just pull over and take a nap. No, I wont pass out on the way, just saying... but if anyone knows me, I'm the type who gets in a vehicle and passes out when I'm not the one driving. I think I was one of those babies that was driven around to get to shut up and go to sleep lol. Matthew is pretty calm when I drive around... maybe he'll be like me in that way too. Anyhow, so I go to my appointments so they can make sure Matthew is doing well. They do a biophysical profile (has two parts; ultrasound and a non stress test) that basically measures the baby's health, they monitor his heart rate with a non-stress test and they do the sono, in which they monitor the fluid around the baby (my biggest problem right now), movements, breathing, among other things. In a nutshell, they basically score the quality of life in the womb vs. outside the womb. So far so good in the oven even though our biggest concern is the fluid levels (normal but barely) which, as I mentioned previously, I lost a lot of during Memorial weekend. Anyhow, They weighed Matthew today and he is at a healthy 4 lbs 10 oz... that's good for his gestational age... at least I think that is... I read my chart today and it said 37th percentile... So, I'm just glad he isn't HUGE or underdeveloped. My favorite part of the testing is that I get to see him on the screen. So the sonographer said, "YAY! He is still a boy"... Umm... I would hope so. As usual he was covering his face, this time with both hands (what a shy little guy) so I didn't even get to see his face... and that meant no pics for me today... and speaking of... I'm getting a little spoiled with the sono pics... Most people are lucky if they get two or three opportunities to see their baby... Well, my pregnancy is complicated, so I guess I have special privileges. I just wish I could get a really awesome 4-d picture, but the limited amount of fluid around his face prevents a clear picture ;( I'm just happy knowing my baby is safe and healthy... and that I get to see him twice a week now. I think it's funny when I'm sitting in the NST (non stress test) room and I over hear people's conversations... It's a row of 5 or 6 recliners where they hook the mom up to the monitors... The other day this young couple was talking and apparently they both worked at H-E-B... So the boyfriend asks the girl... so when do you plan on going back to work? The girl says... OMG, I'm still pregnant, how do you expect me to go back... lol. I asked her how far along she was a while later... 22 weeks... SERIOUSLY! LOL I went back to work after a freakin' heat stroke. And today... this girl goes in with her mom and two other girls (her mom was popping pills and looked a little high lol) the older girl of the two started talking about the pregnant girls stretch marks and said "OMG that looks ugly... I'm getting someone to have my baby", then she asks... "EEWWW, what's that mark in the middle of your stomach... ugh... that's so nasty" lol. Then she goes on to say that when she has her baby (yeah, I know... what happened to her having someone to have her baby?) she wants it recorded and she doesn't care who's up in her "junk" and that she wants a mirror to see. I'm just glad I got moved to the sono room shortly after that, not sure how much more of that idiot I could tolerate... What an airhead... SERIOUSLY... and she was 21 or 22.
Things are moving along with the baby shower... 9 more days. I get to go home and hopefully see everyone again. I really want to go to the beach but anytime I mention that I want to do something I get scolded like a two year old... "Now... You know... you're not doing anything that weekend... You better not even sit outside." Hello! as if I didn't learn my lesson... I'm not about to jeopardize my baby again (and it's not like last time was even on purpose... it just happened cause it was so freakin' hot and apparently I'm not used to the heat anymore). Today at dinner I just mentioned how I would love to go swimming and I heard an ear full... It's not like I was really gonna go, I don't even take a bath in the tub (mostly cause I feel like a whale these days). I know everyone is concerned so I might as well just not say anything that is gonna get me in trouble. Oh well...
After this week... 6 more weeks to go... I'm starting to feel a little apprehensive. Yes, I'm excited but waaaay nervous at the same time. I guess that's expected and I know I'm not the only one. I try not to think about it much because it doesn't do me any good. Doc said 50/50 chance of a c-section... I guess maybe that's the statistic for everyone... I haven't asked. It's all just a little overwhelming and while I am very excited, I still cant believe in a few short weeks my life will be completely changed for the better. AND I WILL BE A MOM! I never would have thought it... I see all his baby clothes and it seems unreal... It's like I'm 5 again and I'm buying clothes for my doll. I've purchased diapers and they are so small... they smell like baby... and then I think... "well, they wont smell like baby after he poops" lol. I smelled a can of formula the other day and thought that it smelled like baby vomit, or you know how there are some stinky babies cause their milk sits in the folds of the neck when they spill and the parents don't clean it (I don't know about y'all, but I know a few). Anyway, there is still time to get accustomed to all that, for now, I'm gonna try and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy. I think I'm gonna miss feeling him move inside of me the most even, when it hurts. There were times where I didn't feel him moving and it was a scary thought thinking something could be wrong, even now, if he doesn't move when I wake up, I get paranoid.. but I've chilled out a bit 'cause I know he sleeps too . I told Matthew I wouldn't complain if he hurt me as long as I felt him move... I'd rather feel something that nothing at all. I cant explain what it feels like... but it' a gift, and I am ever so grateful! <3

Oh Baby, baby, baby...

OK, I'm really not gonna bust out singing to Justin Bieber's (however you spell it) song, although the song is quite catchy. I have to admit I've gotten lazy keeping everyone updated on the latest 411... What can I say other than I am hella exhausted. The last few weeks have been less than favorable but things have definitely turned around... for the better. So apparently I had a heat stroke/heat exhaustion over Memorial weekend... As if I didn't know the RGV sucks the life out of you... literally. I sweat like a pig the entire weekend and didn't replenish my fluids, unfortunately that ended up taking from Matthew's amniotic fluid. My poor baby was kicking around in a puddle. It started with a severe migraine that was originally thought was caused by increased cerebral spinal fluid... and after what felt like 20 spinal taps and little relief from the pain, it was discovered to be a dehydration migraine. I had an OB for a follow up ( I had just started feeling better and ready to get back to work) where it was discovered that my amniotic fluid was low, VERY LOW. I was admitted to the hospital and then transferred via helicopter to Austin where I was told to prepare for the worst... Baby Matthew was to be delivered at 28 weeks. I tried to be strong and broke down a couple times; I wasn't prepared to have a baby I couldn't take home, much less a baby I couldn't hold for over a week... And not to mention, I still haven't purchased all the much needed baby stuff (crib, car seat, stroller... all the good stuff). Let's just say I wasn't prepared. Being a nurse, I've seen babies in the NICU, which are quite resilient, but when it's your baby all your nursing skills and knowledge go out the window. Miraculously, the day after I was flown in to Austin my amniotic fluid had doubled (still dangerously low but didn't warrant an emergency delivery). I was kept on a modified bed rest (I could only get up to use the RR) and had IV's and monitors attatched. So in all, two weeks in an out of the hospital sucked the big one. I'm just glad to be out with Matthew still baking in the oven. I couldn't have done it with out my mom by my side... she truely is a angel. While I was knocked out on Ambien, mom was awaken each time the nurse came in to check on me, labs were due, or baby snuck away from the monitor... which was just about every hour. She was pretty much sleep deprived for three weeks checking up on me in the middle of the night even when we were home. I'm proud to be her daughter and I'm lucky to have her. We've got a couple more weeks to go till I get to hold my precious baby boy! Things obviously are looking up now, I have appointments bi-weekly now, meaning I have to drive almost an hour twice a week (AND THE GAS... UGH!) to see the doc, but as long as I know my baby is being monitored and doing well, I wont complain more than I already have. I still haven't made all the important baby purchases, and I'm not sure what I'm waiting on... but me and procrastination go hand in had... Guess I didn't learn from the big scare :-/
So the last RGV trip made me a little homesick... well not homesick per say, but it made my miss all my friends and family. Home didn't seem quite like home anymore since my room didn't even have a trace of my existence... Not even one. Everything was taken out the back guest/storage room and even though they were my belongings, they didn't even feel like mine. I didn't miss them... I guess I just moved on, I mean... what else are you supposed to do. That's life. Spending time with everyone was nice, even if it was just for a bit. Leaving was easier than I thought, especially since I woke up with that horrible migraine that lasted two weeks. I get to see everyone again in a few weeks for my baby shower but knowing how fragile I apparently have become to the RGV heat, I know I cant do much but stay indoors and drink lots of fluids; My baby's health and safety come first now and considering I dont want my brain to become cesos rancheros again, I'll definitely avoid being out too much. I wish we didn't have to travel for the shower but truth of the matter is everyone lives too far away to come here and well, I don't really know anyone here. I guess I don't make friends well... I don't play well with others... LOL JK, I guess I just haven't felt the need to socialize. Mom and I worked on some baby shower decorations today... they look super cute if you ask me... what can I say ;)
OOOOHHH! I got new pics of Matthew. The 4d pic didn't come out too clear since the fluid is low around his face but he is still the most handsome baby boy if you ask me. I got to see his family jewels again and I even got a pic of his foot (it's a big foot lol). We got a 15 minute video as well, it shows him breathing which is really cool... you can see his ribs moving in and out with each little breath. GOSH... I am soooo in love with this baby. How is it possible to love someone so much when you have never even met them before? So I'm gonna post the new pics and call it a night.

(yeah... it's sideways)

Time's a flyin'

I cant believe how fast time is going. Before I know it, Baby Matthew will be here (in roughly 11 weeks)... I don't think I'm ready just yet, besides, I'm barely starting to enjoy my pregnancy. Of course, I still have a million and one fears that go through my head everyday and the fact that I am such a hypochondriac seriously doesn't help, but I've learned to appreciate and enjoy this little piece of heaven.


I'm still eating too much :-/ and gaining too much... That reminds me, my grandpa calls me to check up on me and the baby and the other day he called and out of nowhere he asked if I was getting fat lol, I said yes... He reminded me of my Grammy... she was always concerned about my weight, and everyone else's lol. I remember the last night I was with her at the hospital before she passed away. She was on Bi-pap since her O2 Sats were very low so she couldn't speak, well I couldn't hear her and didn't want her to take off her mask, I told her I loved her and that I would check on her in the morning, both she and I knew that she probably wouldn't make it till the morning so she gave me a hug, we shed a tear or two trying to be strong, and she pat my tummy... I said, I know, I know... I'll watch my weight while rolling my eyes and grinning from ear to ear realizing that was the last thing she would ever tell me... Gosh, I miss her so much, it will be 2 years 9/11 and it still feels like yesterday. I wish she could be here to see Matthew, and the two other babies our family has been blessed with (Cousin Amy having a boy, and Cousin Melissa having a girl). Anyhow, grandpa really reminded me of grandma when he said that... it's just funny because that wasn't something I expected him to say or ask lol. Oh well, no offense taken, I've gained weight, it is what it is.


I did a little shopping today, even though I said I wasn't going to. I even shopped for myself, I bought some comfort sandals that I had been wanting... and some sneakers for work (last week). I actually feel kind of guilty for spending on myself, but I think I needed them, especially because my legs have been swelling like crazy (my BP is good so no worries yet). Speaking of swelling, seems like everything else is growing too... I'm starting to feel like a cow. I woke up this morning thanking God I didn't have utters between my legs, LOL. So the chafing I mentioned previously has stopped, partly due to the Lady Anti-Monkey Butt (Makes me laugh every time) and partly cause I stopped wearing those wretched maternity underwear. Yes, I still wear underwear, just not those... I'm back to my old faithfuls, but they are either starting to roll down in the front or ride up in the back... but all is good, cause NO CHAFING! Enough with the TMI...


I am still feeling very exhausted, I go to work and back and all I wanna do is take a nap. I did start walking like I mentioned I would (just not everyday so I don't think that helps much) I've been shopping more so that kinda counts lol. But yes... I am EXHAUSTED... WARNING DISCLAIMER: You do not want to wake up next to me, wake me up, or be in my path after a nap. Do so at your own risk. No, I don't wake up looking scary or with fiery dragon breath (but I do suffer from both occasionally in the morning lol, just being honest), I have been waking up with a bad mood from hell. I think it has to do with the fact that my mind is already refreshed from the nap, but my body isn't. It takes me a while to snap out of it... thankfully, I don't wake up like that in the morning, at least for my patients' sake. Speaking of naps/sleep, I'm ready to hit the sack and start a new week. P.S. I don't like Mondays :-/

Happy Mother's Day

<-- My beautiful Momma

This has probably been the best Mother's Day EVER! Not for me (I don't count yet) but just the fact that I got to spend it with my mother, something I hadn't been able to do in such a long time. Sending cards and gifts across the miles just isn't the same as spending quality mother/daughter time. I've been spoiling my mom for the past two weeks, so in all, I'd have to say this has probably been the best Mother's Day she has ever had... well since before my brother and I left home and we got to spend it all together. I had plans to visit my hometown this weekend but many factors played into not making the trip... besides the fact that all I wanna do is sleep the minute I sit my butt down in a vehicle. With no one helping me drive the 8-9 hour trip (depends on traffic and potty breaks) along with bills, saving up for my little bundle of joy, and of course THE FACT THAT IT'S MOTHER'S DAY, I decided not to go. Unfortunately I cant make everyone happy and this weekend my mother was my priority. I would have loved to have been there to see my family and friends but I had to make a choice. Mom and I spent the whole day together yesterday and we had such a great time. We hadn't spent alone time practically the entire time I've been here... well, she has been accompanying me on my doctor's visits but those are usually stressful for me and well, we usually just do lunch, if that.

Our day started off kind of late, I've been feeling very exhausted so I woke up Saturday morning around 9 am. We went to look at some stuff for my baby shower, had lunch at Peter Piper Pizza (guess we were both just in the mood... I swear you'd say she is the pregnant one with all the cravings lol), we relaxed with mother/daughter mani/pedi's, and then she got to do a little shopping for her self. I've been needing new sneakers for work but yet again, I managed to not spend a penny on myself... well, besides lunch and the mani/pedi. At the end of the day, mom treated me to some Coldstone ice cream YUM. We were both tuckered out, me with my swollen and aching feet and what felt like waddling to each new destination and mom limping from pain (she is still not 100% after her surgery a year and a half ago). I cant complain... the day was great and being with my mom was the best. We had plans for church this morning, which was very nice followed by breakfast at a Mexican restaurant. We pretty much came home and spent the day here. We had other plans that fell through... someone (and I wont mention any names, but I will say was not my mother or myself) was being Oscar the Grouch. I get in a bad mood easily so that set me off. I cant stand when people shit on my parade, if you wanna have a pity party don't invite me!

Anyhow, besides the grump, my weekend was awesome! I even got an early mother's day gift, A SWEDISH MASSAGE. Nope, it wasn't a full body massage but more like an abdominal massage, lol, Baby Matthew is taking after his great grandma Minnie and has already picked up some massage therapy skills in utero. I can only imagine what he will be like when he is 4 and all I have to say is rub Mamma's feet and I'll give you a dollar... but I don't want to speed up time, I want to enjoy every minute of him when he gets here.

I may not be a mommy yet, but I have celebrated this day in my own special way for the past 5 years. My little Angel is always in my heart and there is never a day that I forget. I often wonder what life would be like, but God has a reason for everything and it's not for me to ask why, but rather to accept and know my Angel had a divine purpose.

The Cat's out of the Bag

I mentioned previously that I was afraid to tell my bosses at work that I am expecting. During my first week of office training, I swore I heard something along the lines of a pregnant woman being turned away... as it turns out, I guess I was just paranoid. There is a saying in Spanish, "el sordo no oye pero compone", translating to “the deaf man can’t hear, but he can make it up.” I was so focused on my testing/training and worried that I wouldn't get hired because I was pregnant that I guess I heard what I wanted to hear... you know how that goes. Well it turns out some people from work had already found out but that's life in a small town. Unfortunately word got out on Facebook, It apparently was one of my mom's acquaintances since I don't know anyone in town, nor did I tell anyone. Well you know people... they like to talk. I was more than furious, I will say though, if I wasn't pregnant, I would really give this town something to talk about. Anyhow, my bosses were fine with it, so they said. They expressed to me everything was OK, thankfully, it was. I felt so dumb after the fact, I went into talk to my boss after our weekly meeting and I started tearing up in the office lol. It's the hormones. I hate that I am more emotional that ever. I'm just glad I don't have anything hanging over my head anymore. Work continues to go well. I wish I was better/more efficient at the paperwork but I know that all comes in due time.


Speaking of due time... going on 25 weeks. 15 weeks and 2 days to go Wow! Time sure goes by fast, I just wish I could enjoy it more rather than being worried all the time. We started to shop a little, mostly for baby shower stuff and it's pretty exciting. I bought some baby shoes and a little onsie, oh, and a couple of blankies. I think I will definitely wait till later to do more shopping. The idea of having a baby is finally starting to set in but I'm still a little in denial lol. I guess it really wont hit me till he's here. I think calling him by his name is definitely helping... Matthew... Music to my ears <3 <3 <3 Heartburn has become my worst enemy. Everything and I mean EVERYTHING gives me heartburn even water. UGH! There's an old wives's tale that if you get a lot of heartburn, the baby will have lots of hair when it's born. Well, I don't know about that but time will tell. Tum's and I and BFF's these days. Baby's moving around a lot. Especially when my mom barges into my room, shakes my belly and starts singing to him. He is definitely a lot like me so far, he is up late and likes to sleep in but since I have to wake up early for work... well, let's just say we're both not happy campers. I finally got my 4-D sonogram. If that wasn't the most beautiful sight I have ever seen, I don't know what is. When I see the image, I can see two different things, one with his profile, mouth closed and then another with the mouth open and slightly higher with a tiny nose between the his eyes (the second option is kind of scary... so Ill just go with the first one where his mouth is closed) They didn't exactly tell me, and well, I didn't exactly ask, I was just so happy to see him. He had his hand tucked under his chin (just not in the picture) ADORABLE! What can I say? That's my baby. So he is definitely a boy and I couldn't be happier. I just need to sit back and enjoy the rest of this pregnancy instead of being such a hypochondriac. The specialist looked at all his organs and said so far good. They want to monitor his heart closely so, I have another appointment with the specialist in a month and with my regular OB, in two weeks. I saw his kidneys, his the four chambers in his heart, his brain, his spine, feet, and hands. The doctor said his foot was over his head (wow his is just as limber as me lol, well I'm not so much these days). When the specialist took over, this little baby boy gave him a hard time. He moved too much at my 7 week sono to get a good measurement, he moved way too much at my 10 week sono (the doctor almost gave up, but after 50 minutes of pushing on my full bladder and almost having an accident, we got his measurements), When we found out his sex, he didn't want to cooperate, and yet again with this appointment. Mom says he is shy, I say he is just as stubborn as I am... Lord help me!


While I couldn't be happier that I'm having a baby, I am starting to feel self-conscious, something I RARELY had an issue with. I am gaining way too much weight. I don't fit in any pre-pregnancy clothes so I went maternity clothes shopping a while back. I thought it would be a good idea to get some maternity underwear. I spent 45 bucks on new panties and I HATE THEM! Motherhood sure has expensive stuff and the quality is not so good, In my opinion. I like that the pants cinch at the waist (when I'm not wearing them) so it looks as if my waist is the width of my leg (makes me feel good lol), and then there are the maternity underwear. My new underwear look like parachutes :-/ Why cant they have that cool elastic thing around the waist too? As it is I already have a complex about my weight gain. My face looks fatter, I feel like I have three necks, my feet feel like they have grown a size, I cant see my crotch, and my thighs rub together now (not good). We all know what happens when your thighs rub... yup, chaffing. I think it's a combination of thunder thighs and my new horrible underwear. It just baffles me that Motherhood cant even make seamless underwear. They literally feel like the .99 cent panties on the clearance rack at Walmart, CHEAP. Anyhow, Mom and I went to Tractor Supply Company and Guess what I saw... Lady Anti Monkey Butt LOL

I thought it was the funniest thing ever and I just had to try it out, it's for chaffing and has calamine lotion but in a silky, powdery form. It smells nice lol. I was going to get the KY anti-chaffing/silkening lotion but I saw this one first. It was this, or not wearing any panties at all. I think I'd rather wear underwear, besides I don't want to give Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan competition. I'd win hands down... Just saying. lol. So we'll see how this powder goes.

TEARS OF JOY

Yesterday (4-14-2011) probably has been the best and worst day of my life... OK, so I tend to exaggerate a bit (JUST A BIT) but it definitely was the best day of my life. I had been anticipating my prenatal visit with my new maternal-fetal specialist for over a month. My mother and I got off of work early so we could make my 1430 appointment. I could hardly sleep the night before and I wasn't sure if I should be anxious or elated... anxious because at my last appointment I had blood work for Down's-Syndrome screening for the baby (who wouldn't be nervous about that?) I get to my appointment just to be told the MFS did not make it in for the week. He comes from Austin, Tx two days out of the month. My heart sank and my claws came out. we had just driven about 40 minutes to get to my doctor's office and I hadn't received a call at home nor to my cell. I understand the clerk was just the messenger, but I just about ate her up and spit her out. I said I had driven all that way and I demanded to see someone. All she could say was sorry and I had a smart ass response for every excuse she had. I kinda made a scene (but only the people in line could hear, I don't raise my voice). I spoke to the manager, (I was just about to spit the "I am gonna have a BF and write a letter" line from White Chicks. Due to the high risk nature of my pregnancy, I am supposed to get seen every two weeks. As it is, I had already gone a month without being seen. So needless to say I got my way, I got to see my baby despite the fact that my blood pressure went up to 140, that is pretty high. I started to shake from anger and frustration and as soon as they said, "go have a seat and we will call you in, we fit you in", I started to cry... 'cause I'm a big baby and that's how I deal with my emotions. I gave up on finding out the sex and just faced the fact that I probably had to wait another two weeks. As soon as I heard my baby's heartbeat I felt at ease. I had a heart to heart with my regular OB and my mom said we were so excited to find out the sex only to be disappointed. He said will that make you happy, we both said YES!!! :D. And of course I started to cry again... I suppose I could blame all the crying on the pregnancy hormones but I'd only be kidding myself, I've always been the emotional one LOL. We didn't get a detailed sono but we got to find out the sex... they even gave my mom a pic too! Well... WE'RE HAVING A BOY!!! I couldn't be any happier... and of course I cried again, and again, and again LOL.

On another note... I just got home about 30 minutes ago with my "new to me" car. No more hopping in to the passenger seat rolling around to get to the driver's side with a pregnant belly scraping my elbows on the upholstery. My car is little, nothing fancy, but it will get me too and from work, does great on gas, I don't have to enter the passenger's side, it's been very well maintained, and I can go on and on, but the best perk is NO PAYMENT! I paid it all up front. I used up all my savings so I've got about 80 bucks left to get me through. Luckily they filled up my tank so I'm good to go. Oh yeah... so today was my first pay day and my direct deposit hasn't kicked in yet, unfortunately, that means I have to wait for my check to come in the mail. Boohoohoo for me. I was so ready to go shopping.

The Worst Week EVER!!!

So much has gone on this week and well, part of last week. For starters we all (our household) got sick. It started with my mother having a respiratory virus that turned into a full blown sinus infection. It hit her pretty bad she missed an entire week of work. I don't think she has EVER missed a week of work, OK, well except for when she had her spinal fusion last January. She finally started feeling better when I started feeling bad. It began with post nasal drip causing a sore throat and then the symptoms hit me all at once. I pretty much spent the whole weekend in bed, the one symptom I didn't get was loss of appetite. I was kinda hoping for that one LOL (not really). I still wasn't feeling well so I called in on Monday, yup... two weeks into my new job and I already called in sick. Let me tell you though, I seriously needed it. And so the cycle continues... Now that I am feeling better (sort of) my step dad is as sick as a dog... LITERALLY! Men are such babies LOL. But on a serious note, he is pretty sick. I just hope this passes soon so I can take him for his "Dino-Steak" with my first pay check, he took me so I guess now it's my turn to treat lol. So on top of being sick, now my truck happens to be quite pissed off at me. My truck and I have this awesome relationship. She hardly gives me any problems except for being a gas guzzler. I consider her my life saver. With my driving track record and all the vehicles I've totalled, this is the one that has lasted me the longest... besides, I feel safe. It's like a train. Cold, semi-shiny metal (She last lost most of her luster LOL) and compared to all these fiberglass vehicles, I feel safe. I've had this truck for many years now and I have a hard time parting with her. "Her" or "Him" whatever, I think men give me more problems so I consider my truck a "her". Anyhow... with this new job and driving about a 100+ miles a day and with gas quickly rising to $4 a gallon, I am considering getting a small economical car. I wasn't planning on going and getting myself into debt, just something to get me through the year until my baby comes... then on to bigger and better things. I must say... I WASN'T EVEN CONSIDERING GETTING RID OF MY TRUCK... besides, who knows when you need a second vehicle, or a truck for that matter. Anyhow, my aunt told me about a car her friend has for sale so I drove over to my aunt's house and waited for her friend to get out of work. You wouldn't believe what happened... I was walking to my truck to go check out this car and my door will not open... ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME??? It's stuck, and I mean, I can force it open but I will really mess up the body, the door is rubbing on the front fender or whatever you call it (as you can see I'm not a mechanic therefore I don't know parts, except for the ones I really need to know). I'm apparently the only one who appreciates my truck. My mom and brother are embarassed to be seen in it. They call it the "mojo" truck. It's a derogatory term used to describe Mexicans who cross the river. Anyway, I'll spare the details... And I'm Hispanic, Mexican, whatever you wanna call me, so yes, I can use the term. Anyways... so now I have to get into my truck through the passenger side... now that's ghetto. LOL, I'm actually quite embarrassed now. So now more than ever I want this car because I don't want to be seen climbing in and out of the passenger's side and sliding over to the driver's side all because my freakin' truck is pissed off at me for going to look at another vehicle. Now that's a bitch! lol. If climbing in and out like that isn't bad enough, try adding a baby bump. Not fun!

So as if all that wasn't bed enough, today has had to be the worst day in my entire nursing career. I've been up to my elbows in shit, literally... and I'm a nurse so I could handle it. I've seen blood and guts, and smelled things I wouldn't wish anyone to smell... melena is pretty bad, and so is gangrene. Anyway, so I'm starting to spread my wings with the company and instead of shadowing I get to do patient visits now with supervision of course. I was forewarned about the living conditions of this patient. Her home is pretty much condemned and APS has been called several times but they don't do anything. Her home is INFESTED with roaches. There are four dogs living in the home that are never taken out so they do their business on the carpet. The home smells horrible, I almost gagged... and that's cause my sinuses are stuffed and my breathing is compromised. It was horrible. With in two or three minutes of stepping into her home, roaches fall on me from the ceiling... one fell in my blouse and into my bra. I tried so hard to maintain my composure and not scream while trying to get these bugs off of me. The other nurse helped me but I couldn't find the one that landed in my bra. Sorry bug, I don't plan on taking you home and buying you a diamond leash and keeping you as my pet. I DON'T THINK SO! I had the heebie jeebies all day, I felt itchy and felt critters crawling all over me. We pulled into a gas station where I ran to the bathroom and stripped to shake off my clothes. I never found the roach so I still feel the crawlies all over me. GROSS! This week is not even half way done yet but there is only one thing that will make this week so work it... TWO MORE DAYS UNTIL MY SONO!