Friday, July 3, 2009

Reflections...

Three months left until graduation. All I can say is... WOW! Aside of being so proud of myself, I sometimes wonder if things didn't turn out the way they did, would I be where I am at today? As long as I can remember my dream was to become a nurse (eventually a doctor but baby steps Cyn, baby steps).

A couple years ago I fell madly in love with someone who I thought was my soul mate. We settled down together and made us a little love shack. Life was a struggle in every aspect, especially financially. I stopped going to school because we couldn't afford it. I knew I'd eventually go back, I just didn't know when. One thing led to another and after a couple years, we realized it just wasn't meant to be and threw in the towel. I packed my clothes, my desk (and computer), and my dogs and drove the somber three hour drive home. I was completely lost. I didn't know how to be "me" instead of "us".

I quickly picked myself up and marched on. I enrolled back in school to pursue my dream. I found myself again and I relished the single life (And STILL DO) because once its gone, its gone. Also because relationships make it difficult to focus. I took my pre-reqs and I remember applying for the nursing program (I also managed to earn two degrees, well associates, but degrees nonetheless). The expectations/requirements were high and I doubted myself and didn't think I would qualify. Despite my apprehensions I applied and I started my transition to earn my Bachelors in Biology just in case I didn't get in. That summer, I got my letter of ACCEPTANCE into the nursing program. Not bad I must say. I remember anticipating the letter. When it finally came I couldn't open it. My hands were shaking. THIS WAS IT. I opened it and the tears just flowed. I called everyone: my mom, my best friend, my close friends, my brother, EVERYONE! My cup overflowed with joy. That was almost three years ago. And here I stand... three months left until graduation.

This has been a great experience despite the lack of sleep, ehhh... somewhat of a disturbance in my social life (but not too much ; )) and family life, but it all was worth it. I'm not there yet, but I've been reflecting on everything that got me to this point. There are only 4 1/2 weeks left of actual class time, then we take our HESI if I pass the class, then passing the HESI leads me to my preceptorship. I am so close I can taste it. Nothing can stop me but myself, and I will be damned if that happens. And so what I was getting at... If I hadn't gone through all that I have where would I be? A struggling wife trying to make the best of what we had, a single mother trying to care for my child? I'll never know, but what I do know to be true is that everything happens for a reason. I am glad they did, and I'll never ask why.

I've made plans to move to San Antonio once I am done with school so I can pursue my education and work (obviously). I said the only thing that can keep me here is my grandmother, and by the looks of it, seems like I am not going anywhere (JUST YET). I cant leave her in her condition. I cant leave grandpa to be at home alone to care for her even though my aunt comes just about every day. I don't know... I'll see what is in store for me. AND I CANT WAIT! :D

4 comments:

Inez!! said...

LOVE IT!!! I LOVE THE WAY U SPEAK YOUR MIND!!! BY THE WAY I CAN TASTE IT AS WELL!!! IM SUPER SCARED AND DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT ANYMORE!!! I GUESS ALL WE HAVE LEFT TO DO IS TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME!!! KEEP ON WRITING AND ILL KEEP ON READING U HAVE ME HOOKED!!JEJE ;)

Linda said...

yeah..i think she's got everyone hooked!!! we all enjoy reading her stuffs ...good job cyn, i know we'll make it..no worries!!! =)

Cyn said...

thanks guys... I really appreciate it.

~Sheila~ said...

When you said..enjoy the single life cause once it's gone...it's gone...

...so true.

Of course, now I wouldn't trade being married with children for anything. Use your single time wisely.
When you move to San Antonio we will be able to visit cause my brother is planning on moving that way too...in time.

Also, I'm proud that you only have 3 more months of school. It feels great doesn't it?