Cyn-Cyn got her groove back

I am so thrilled to be working again. I guess you could say I was DONE living off the fat of the land and I desperately wanted to get back into the workforce. Today was my first day and although orientation sucks, it's really the easiest money you can make. I cant complain of the 7 hours I spent straining my eyes with the computer screen, I wont complain of the countless exams I had to take (and I'm not even done yet), I think I could even feel my neurons moving across my synapses lol. OK so the HIPPA, PHI, and OSHA stuff is really boring, but getting NCLEX style questions really got my brain going. I swear I lost millions of brain cells watching TV, something I RARELY did. I didn't bring my nursing books so I didn't have anything educational to review so any news or updates I got from my nursing friends was my only stimulation LOL. Anyhow, my day went great and since I finished all but three exams, I get to go in at whatever time tomorrow to complete them. I think I'm gonna go after lunch... I'm not such a morning person. I guess I should get used to it with a baby on the way but for now, if I don't have to wake up at 7, I WONT!

During one of my exams, while I was deep in thought, I swear that I heard someone say that a pregnant woman came in to fill out an application and they told her there were no openings. I could have misheard, like I said, I was really focused so I'm not 100% sure. Technically there aren't any full time positions open, just PRN or "as needed" (the company needs nurses for the area but being it is a small town that covers a large area, they leave the "full-time" positions for the larger cities or something like that... and I don't really care, I need the flexibility). I didn't tell them I was expecting and well, they didn't ask... my intention is not to be deceitful, however I just didnt want to compromise getting hired.

I feel so much better now that I have a job... OK, so I've only worked one day, but to feel like you have a purpose is indescribable. I enjoyed not working for a week or two, but having bills to pay with no income coming in definitely takes it's toll. Not only that, you start (well I did) to feel somewhat depressed being at home all day. I respect stay at home moms and wives but I can honestly say, I don't think it's for me... at least not in the country LOL. Give me places to go and people to see and a nice allowance, and I'm good to go. Seriously though, I enjoy being a nurse, I love to help others... that is after all, my purpose in life.

I pray the enthusiasm lasts long, and when it doesn't, that means it's time for a change. There is nothing I despise more than an irritated and miserable nurse who stays in a position for the money. One thing I've learned in my short experience, never do something for the money... you really do work your butt off and the more money you make, the more responsibility and liability that comes with your job.

So yes, I got my groove back. I am no longer pity party Cyn-Cyn. I cant wait for my first pay check :D

Things are Looking up

For the past two months I've been moping around feeling sorry for myself because my only friend in town is my mom and I miss my friends and family back home, but truth of the matter is, life is what you make of it. Yes, I complain day after day that I am bored, but I suppose that is what I choose. I have family in town, but I CHOOSE not to spend time with them. If I'm bored and I need a breather, I can drive around and familiarize myself with the area, but I CHOOSE not too because my truck is a gas guzzler and with my savings at a dangerous low and gas prices as they are I CHOOSE not to be wasteful. My friends are only a phone call away and yet, I CHOOSE not to call (mostly because it's hard and I miss them like crazy and these pregnancy hormones do not help). It isn't as bad as I make it for myself, well, it doesn't have to be... that, or I'm really getting used to it here. I've come to realize that perhaps I wasn't ready for this place just yet, it's very slow paced and I feel completely out of my element, but that is the beauty of this place at the same time. I loved this place when I lived back home, I came here to see my mom and to escape the hustle and bustle of my life, and now I have it all the time. Why am I complaining? I guess I just had a lot of soul searching to do... I cant say I wont complain of boredom, but there is so much more to be grateful for.
On another note, Spring break came and went. It was no different than any other day. I guess my days of partying just might be over lol. I guess that is not such a big sacrifice since I've had about 11 years post high school to get all that out of my system. We went into town a couple times, I finally had some sushi (cooked rolls of course) and I had my Starbucks fix (it wasn't as great as I expected). We went to Austin to visit my step brothers and their families... nope, no partying down 6th St. I was the first one to call it a night. I also bought my first pair of maternity pants and needless to say, I wasn't in such a cheerful mood.
I had follow up with the doctor and the baby is doing fine. Unfortunately, because I have to see a specialist, I will have to wait another month to see him and God willing, we will learn the baby's sex. I started recognizing the baby's kicks about two and half weeks ago. I felt him or her before, but I always second guessed myself thinking it was gas or something. But I know for sure now. Apparently this baby is going to be like me, a night owl. I tend to feel more of the movements at night which tells me it's awake. According to my baby calendar, babies start to form a sleeping pattern by now. Uh oh, this means I'm gonna have some loooong nights. Hopefully that changes soon. One thing that is really starting to annoy the crap out of me is night time. It takes me a good twenty to thirty minutes to get comfortable and when I finally do, I have to pee. Then it starts all over again, I toss and turn until I get comfy, then I have to pee. I find myself asking this baby, Really??? Are you freakin' kidding me? And yes... then it kicks me in the bladder, on purpose. My mom asked me if it is finally starting to feel real... It really hasn't hit me yet. I hear the heart beat and I now feel the movements, and I'm starting to feel excited, but it really isn't real to me yet. Mom goes crazy when we go into stores and she sees all the baby stuff... I still feel like I'm shopping for a baby shower gift.
Speaking of baby showers... I'm starting to get ideas for mine but it's all so complicated and I am so indecisive... perhaps it will get easier when we know the gender. I have this question... or dilemma regarding baby shower centerpieces. I've asked several friends but I get different answers. What I really wanna know is, how do you keep guests from taking centerpieces that can be used by the mom to be? I've seem some cute diaper cakes that would make nice centerpieces, obviously the diapers can be reused and so can the items on them. Maybe it's just a RGV thing, but people take all that stuff... I have no idea why? I don't like to take them, I mean a lot of them are cute but it's clutter and chances are they just collect dust in the corner. I thought that's why we gave party favors. We had a nursing reception for school and people even took the live flowers... REALLY??? I was mortified, even the teachers. So do you just let them take the usable centerpieces, or do you politely tell them no? Do you put notes on the table that say, "please do not take centerpieces"? Maybe I'll just get cheap centerpieces that are cute and if they must have one, they can take it. Seriously though, people fight for them. They rush to tables with centerpieces and claim them. LOL. I went to this one shower that had rental centerpieces, and people actually tried to sneak out with them. OMG!
I was starting to worry about having this baby and my financial status... it's pretty hard with out a job. Fortunately, I haven't made any purchases for this baby yet. The job market is just as bad as the one in the RGV. It literally took me three months to find a job back home after graduation. New nurses graduate for many schools Valley wide and there aren't enough positions. During my preceptorship at the hospital, nurses were cancelled every day, every shift because the census was low and because of over staffing. It didn't help there were many nurses on work visas. It's hard for many of the nurses not to get upset about that, but being that they have work visas, they have every right to work. When I arrived here, I thought the market would be better. I placed many online job applications but truth of the matter is, because the community is so small, they prefer it all be done in person. I guess they aren't as "high tech" yet. I decided to take matters into my own hands, so I fueled up and drove around looking for work. I went to the hospitals with no luck. One of them about half an hour away, all they said was they had absolutely no positions open. WOW. I had been calling a local/statewide home health for some time, and I even went in person to leave my resume but the director was in another office about 45 minutes away. She finally called me back, and I got my interview... AND I GOT A JOB! Finally, one less thing I have to stress about. I also had an interview with the local nursing home, but I'm not to sure how I feel about working there. The liability is high in regards to patient/nurse ratio and it's every other weekend. I can work weekends with the home health if I choose. I don't think I'll take that job even though the pay is good. I'M JUST THANKFUL I FINALLY FOUND A JOB!

Home on the Range... And nobody loves me

Life on the ranch is quite different from life in the city... I remember when I used to think the Valley was hardly "the City". I yearned for bigger and better places but I got the country instead. I traded nights out with my friends, coming home at 6 am, 5 minute drive to anywhere... the gym, the mall, my favorite restaurants, city lights, sirens, and trains for birds chirping, cows mooing, pine, dew, and you name it allergies, starry night skies, and coyotes howling. I still think I made the best choice in moving here even though I miss my dear family and friends, I never thought I'd actually do it, but I did; no regrets.
Some days I'm home sick and since there is no point in crying or tapping my heels three times, being with my mom makes the adjusting much more easier. I'm not alone, and that's the best part. Since I'm still out of work, my days are spent watching TV, applying for work online, and of course, how could I forget countless hours catching up on Facebook. CNN actually calls this social depression. Well, being I have no social life out here, that may be true to a minuscule degree (Dear friends, let's not get excited over thinking I'm depressed and home sick that I'm on the next bus home... It ain't happening lol). I'm adjusting, as does everyone who wasn't raised here.
So this is my routine, here on the range lol.
I wake up close to 9 am... mostly cause I'm up all night chatting with friends and texting. I eat breakfast, and now that pregnancy has caused me to switch to hibernation mode, I eat... then I wanna sleep. So I fight the sleepiness for a while then take my nap. I wake up just in time for lunch. In between feedings and naps, I watch some TV, or listen to Sirius and XM radio. The dog and I dance around for awhile till we get sufficient exercise. It's quite amusing; who wouldn't enjoy dancing and singing in your living room? The best part is... since we live in the middle of nowhere and are surrounded by trees, I can dance naked if I want... Hell, I can even take it outside and no one will see me... that I know of lol.

So I get the whole day to myself. Mom has these two birds that talk... well they say a couple phrases. If I'm washing the dishes, the birds say... Take a bath, take a bath. So I splash them with some water. If they see us eat, they say "I want a bite". If they're scared they say, it's OK, it's OK. The girl bird says, It's OK, Kiwi (that's the boy's name) or if she is mad at him she'll say, "stop it, Kiwi, Stop it" I tend to fight with the birds cause they're the only other thing, besides myself, that I can talk to... well, I can talk to the dogs but they don't talk back. lol. The other parrot only says one word..."Cotorra", which means parrot in Spanish, but her name is Patty. She does the "hot-stuff" whistle... the woot wooooot lol. IDK how that translates into English. But when my mom and step-dad get home... all hell breaks loose.
The animals can hear my mom and step-dad's car from a mile away... LITERALLY. I know they're near before I even see them. The inside dog starts barking hysterically, the outside dog runs to greet him at the main entrance. The cows start mooing and start making their way to the house... the birds start screaming. Basically, it's a head ache. When my mom gets here the same thing... the dogs do their thing, the cows moo, but the parrots get even crazier... Patty does her woot woot thing, the two Quaker parrots start screaming and saying... "Oh look at the baby, look at the baby" I guess that's what mom says to them, so they say it back. It's literally like a hour of chaos. Mom stops to play the parrots, the cat, Boo Boo starts crying like a baby... the dogs are barking and jumping. It sounds like a freakin' zoo. She comes in to greet my step dad, she gives him a kiss, the dog gets jealous and starts crying and howling, she wont stop until she gets attention. And then there's me... NO BODY LOVES ME ;( lol (I got that from my sister in law... That's all she says..."no body loves me, why does every body hate me lol... what a nut) I have to come out of my room for attention 'CAUSE NO BODY LOVES ME lol. Oh well.
There are just some of the pets

The weekends are different... we just sleep all day. According to my mom, my pregnancy has affected everybody, even the dog. we eat then sleep... we do that for breakfast, lunch, and dinner lol... seriously. I joke that ranch should be called "Golden Acres" cause we live like old people... eat, sleep, shit, and complain of aches and pains. But I think they secretly napped all day before I even got here and now they have an excuse.

So that's life here on Golden Acres, I mean Green Acres. Seems like the only times we go to town is to get groceries or to hit up the pharmacy. We'd go to the "big city" only when we have appointments, it used to be that we'd go every weekend. Sounds kinda boring but like I said, it takes some time to get used to. I'm ready to start working so I can start to socialize... It's tough being home all day and just hanging out with the parentals but I'll get through it... One day at a time.

Redneck Woman

My lil cousin actually made me think about this when she posted a comment on my SIL's Facebook picture of her and my brother in camouflage on a fishing trip (OK... In my brother and SIL's defense, they wore camo cause it was cold... not cause they were trying to blend in to the environment lol). She asked, "WoW! When did y'all become rednecks?" LOL. Well, My best guess was when they moved to Teague, my new home town. I suppose it's just a matter of time before I become one too. My brother has always been an outdoors man; hunting, fishing, the works, so he's always had his camo gear... but my SIL??? OK so she likes fish, but so do I. When they moved up here (and have moved back to the RGV) she got a camo jacket and wears it in the winter... and If I'm not mistaken, my brother wears his too... yep, even when they are not hunting or fishing. So that got me thinking... as much as I try to fight the country, I suppose it is just a matter of time before I become a redneck, or country too. I don't even listen to country cause I'm scared I'm gonna become a redneck soon, and my baby listens to what I listen to... so that means it will be a redneck before it's even born... Stop the Insanity!!!!
So let me tell you about redneck fashion...
True story... Mom and I went to subway for lunch one day when it was freezing (actually it was the day I slipped in the snow). So we're enjoying our subs and this group/family walks in to the restaurant covered in head to toe camo gear. OK??? I scratch my head and I look at my mom, like... "are they for real?" She just nodded. I stared in awe... not in a bad way but in a OMG twilight moment kinda way. They had camo coveralls, camo trucker hats... but I knew they weren't going hunting, cause I've been around hunters my whole life... and these people were not going hunting anytime soon. I knew this because the girls had cute hot pink polka dot rain boots and hot pink long john tops, and big cheerleading bows on their heads... and I knew hot pink isn't a camo color. The boys were dressed the same, sans the hot pink, polka dots, and hair bows. Anyhow, the country has yet to get my mom, although she may head to town once in a while with out any make up, and the country definitely has yet to get me, so we pretty much stick out like a sore thumb. People literally stare at us when we walk in. My make up is done, my hair is done, and I try to dress as nice as possible. People can clearly tell I'm not from here and my mom has always tried to dress up although, I have seen a slight change in her wardrobe since she moved here. It's not as classy as she used to dress, although my momma will always be classy, and she wears a lot of pants now whereas before, she used to wear dresses to work.
Most of the people around here wear sweats, no make up, hair looking crazy, walking around with spit bottles and huge wads of snuff in their mouth, cowboy work boots (OK so I have a nice pair which I have yet to be able to wear since my jeans no longer it), camo gear... yes, even the girls, etc... you get the point, typical redneck stuff (no disrespect, and NO NOT EVERYONE WHO LIVES HERE IS A REDNECK [in defense of those I know who really are not]). And the one's who do dress up, while they look really nice, they look rodeo nice... gem studded crosses, rhinestones everywhere, tight jeans, pretty make up... but they look country. I still, THANK GOD, look like a city girl... for now.
I went to an appointment with another cousin of mine (who lives in town, but she isn't country, even though I noticed she's picked up that country twang). We took her son to his pediatrician and guess what I saw... yup, you guessed it, babies everywhere in camo gear. Car seats and baby blankets in pink, blue, or regular camo. I even saw camo diaper bags and camo sneakers. I think of my poor baby... my poor future redneck/John Deer baby. I already decided, I just cant fight it anymore... IF YOU CANT BEAT 'EM, JOIN 'EM!
In preparation of raising a redneck baby, I, myself, gotta be a redneck (Not sure if Hispanic people can be rednecks... I sure as hell don't wanna be a Chuntaro)

(In case you don't know what a chuntaro is... )

(Yeah, there's a website LMAO)

So where was I... Oh yeah... Just call me a redneck woman. From now on, my anthem with be... Redneck Woman by Gretchen Wilson.. 'cause I ain't no high class broad, and I yell hell yeah and hee haw. So since I gotta start now, I've been looking in to redneck maternity fashion... I saw these awesome overalls, but for some reason a man was wearing them, I guess their unisex, or he's a drunk cross dresser... I don't judge. And I gotta work on my swag... This will be me in a few months... I just gotta add on to my tattoo... it's not quite that big yet, Hell it might stretch so I'll just leave it alone lol. And in true redneck fashion... I gotta have a redneck baby shower! Don't forget the cake... or the gifts. This will be on my baby registry..

And this will be my beautiful redneck baby when he or she gets here. Don't you think it'll be adorable all "John Deered up? I sure think so... Don't hate on my baby cause yours ain't a redneck.

In all seriousness... No! I will not be a redneck, nor will my baby. I cant promise he or she will not have a country twang, because truth of the matter is this baby probably will. I think it's kinda cute. And since we do live on a ranch I cant promise no cowboy/girl boots and no John Deer clothes, some are actually kind of cute. If my baby wants to ride bulls and horses, he or she can, but no wads of snuff and no spit baby bottles. lol. This is definitely gonna be interesting.

Oh How Beautiful!

Being that I am finally in my second trimester and the worries are slowly discipating, I finally decided to pick up a camera and snap a shot of my 16 week belly (and I wonder why that cow insulted me by asking if I was having triplets? Sorry, I just cant let it go... wait till I catch that Bia on the street) So I wasn't a svelte super model pre-preggo, even though I thought I was hotter than hell. I like to think I had the opposite or the better version of body dysmorphic disorder. LOL. My body wasn't perfect and I rarely had self esteem issues... those only came when I would actually start to work on my fitness and obsess over losing weight, AND THAT DEFINITELY WAS NOT FUN. I'd rather be fat and happy than skinny, obsessed and have more self esteem issues than when I wasn't trying. Anyways... I've totally veered off topic. So yes, my baby bump is larger than most 16 week-ers and I probably look like I've got multiples in there (but it's actually just a few too many tamales and doughnuts). Either way, I'm starting to feel comfortable in my skin again. I still hide behind the sweaters a little, but I'm working on it. I thought I'd take the picture since I wanted to record my pregnancy as best as possible... speaking of record, I mentioned how I started that baby journal to help me cope with certain issues/worries. I slacked off when I moved to the ranch, I guess talking about the pregnancy was just as therapeutic. After about 5 weeks of no entries, I decided to pick up the slack and catch up... and back to the picture. I didn't get all dolled up, I just wanted to capture the moment. Since I haven't seen my brother in over a month I decided to send him my baby bump picture, I had also sent him a picture of a super, duper loaded rib we had for dinner and since I knew my brother was at work,I figured I'd make him jealous since he is such a carnivorous cave man and those ribs are one of his favorites. (And again, I wonder why my belly is huge lol... I only had one for the record... and I didn't even finish it). So I sent him the pictures... around midnight I get a text message back, "Oh how Beautiful!!!) For just a moment there I thought he was talking about my baby bump... then I realized I sent him the picture of the rib. I asked him to clarify which picture he was talking about... he has yet to respond. Knowing my brother, I know for certain he was talking about the rib :-/ LOL, I guess that's what I get for teasing him. (it doesn't look that big in the photo, but trust me... IT WAS BIG!... and I mean the rib lol)