Thursday, March 3, 2011

Redneck Woman

My lil cousin actually made me think about this when she posted a comment on my SIL's Facebook picture of her and my brother in camouflage on a fishing trip (OK... In my brother and SIL's defense, they wore camo cause it was cold... not cause they were trying to blend in to the environment lol). She asked, "WoW! When did y'all become rednecks?" LOL. Well, My best guess was when they moved to Teague, my new home town. I suppose it's just a matter of time before I become one too. My brother has always been an outdoors man; hunting, fishing, the works, so he's always had his camo gear... but my SIL??? OK so she likes fish, but so do I. When they moved up here (and have moved back to the RGV) she got a camo jacket and wears it in the winter... and If I'm not mistaken, my brother wears his too... yep, even when they are not hunting or fishing. So that got me thinking... as much as I try to fight the country, I suppose it is just a matter of time before I become a redneck, or country too. I don't even listen to country cause I'm scared I'm gonna become a redneck soon, and my baby listens to what I listen to... so that means it will be a redneck before it's even born... Stop the Insanity!!!!
So let me tell you about redneck fashion...
True story... Mom and I went to subway for lunch one day when it was freezing (actually it was the day I slipped in the snow). So we're enjoying our subs and this group/family walks in to the restaurant covered in head to toe camo gear. OK??? I scratch my head and I look at my mom, like... "are they for real?" She just nodded. I stared in awe... not in a bad way but in a OMG twilight moment kinda way. They had camo coveralls, camo trucker hats... but I knew they weren't going hunting, cause I've been around hunters my whole life... and these people were not going hunting anytime soon. I knew this because the girls had cute hot pink polka dot rain boots and hot pink long john tops, and big cheerleading bows on their heads... and I knew hot pink isn't a camo color. The boys were dressed the same, sans the hot pink, polka dots, and hair bows. Anyhow, the country has yet to get my mom, although she may head to town once in a while with out any make up, and the country definitely has yet to get me, so we pretty much stick out like a sore thumb. People literally stare at us when we walk in. My make up is done, my hair is done, and I try to dress as nice as possible. People can clearly tell I'm not from here and my mom has always tried to dress up although, I have seen a slight change in her wardrobe since she moved here. It's not as classy as she used to dress, although my momma will always be classy, and she wears a lot of pants now whereas before, she used to wear dresses to work.
Most of the people around here wear sweats, no make up, hair looking crazy, walking around with spit bottles and huge wads of snuff in their mouth, cowboy work boots (OK so I have a nice pair which I have yet to be able to wear since my jeans no longer it), camo gear... yes, even the girls, etc... you get the point, typical redneck stuff (no disrespect, and NO NOT EVERYONE WHO LIVES HERE IS A REDNECK [in defense of those I know who really are not]). And the one's who do dress up, while they look really nice, they look rodeo nice... gem studded crosses, rhinestones everywhere, tight jeans, pretty make up... but they look country. I still, THANK GOD, look like a city girl... for now.
I went to an appointment with another cousin of mine (who lives in town, but she isn't country, even though I noticed she's picked up that country twang). We took her son to his pediatrician and guess what I saw... yup, you guessed it, babies everywhere in camo gear. Car seats and baby blankets in pink, blue, or regular camo. I even saw camo diaper bags and camo sneakers. I think of my poor baby... my poor future redneck/John Deer baby. I already decided, I just cant fight it anymore... IF YOU CANT BEAT 'EM, JOIN 'EM!
In preparation of raising a redneck baby, I, myself, gotta be a redneck (Not sure if Hispanic people can be rednecks... I sure as hell don't wanna be a Chuntaro)
(In case you don't know what a chuntaro is... )

(Yeah, there's a website LMAO)

So where was I... Oh yeah... Just call me a redneck woman. From now on, my anthem with be... Redneck Woman by Gretchen Wilson.. 'cause I ain't no high class broad, and I yell hell yeah and hee haw. So since I gotta start now, I've been looking in to redneck maternity fashion... I saw these awesome overalls, but for some reason a man was wearing them, I guess their unisex, or he's a drunk cross dresser... I don't judge. And I gotta work on my swag... This will be me in a few months... I just gotta add on to my tattoo... it's not quite that big yet, Hell it might stretch so I'll just leave it alone lol. And in true redneck fashion... I gotta have a redneck baby shower! Don't forget the cake... or the gifts. This will be on my baby registry..

And this will be my beautiful redneck baby when he or she gets here. Don't you think it'll be adorable all "John Deered up? I sure think so... Don't hate on my baby cause yours ain't a redneck.

In all seriousness... No! I will not be a redneck, nor will my baby. I cant promise he or she will not have a country twang, because truth of the matter is this baby probably will. I think it's kinda cute. And since we do live on a ranch I cant promise no cowboy/girl boots and no John Deer clothes, some are actually kind of cute. If my baby wants to ride bulls and horses, he or she can, but no wads of snuff and no spit baby bottles. lol. This is definitely gonna be interesting.

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