Lost in the Wilderness

So I've been M.I.A. lately. I've seriously had thousands of ideas for new blogs only I've been SUPER lazy. If I hadn't updated y'all yet, I was re accepted back into the nursing program (For those that don't know, I should have graduated in October but i failed my last class with a 74 ;( and had to wait out a semester) Hopefully by the end of spring semester I will be Cyn, R.N. The holidays were great. This was the first year in a long time that I was able to spend the Christmas with both parents (not together, they're divorced, but saw them both on the same day) It was nice especially because dad's birthday is on Christmas day even though he gets really grouchy. Mom was kinda out of it when I saw her, she had to pop some pain killers due to her degenerative spine disease in C-5, C-6, and C-7 vertebrae, which has now been corrected with ACD (Anterior Cervical Discectomy surgery. In a nutshell, they removed bone from her right iliac crest (hip bone), an incision was made on her throat to gain access to the anterior (front) of the spine, moved everything aside, inserted the bone fragments into the spine to relieve severe pain and pressure, then fused with a titanium plate. Check out the link to see a quick clip of the procedure (No, that is not mom). The surgery was on Wednesday, mom was released yesterday and is now at home recovering. AMEN!!! I was literally two seconds away from an anxiety attack till we got an update from the doc saying mom was fine and on her way up to recovery. My heart was pounding and skipping beats, my hands were shaking, and I was very nauseated, I hated thinking that something might go wrong but for some reason those thoughts just popped into my head, I'm guessing it's because the last time I was at the hospital, my grammy passed away. I'm not quite sure if she'll be able to move her head back since I didn't get to talk to the doctor (all the arrangements were made with out me here so no body was able to be advocate for mom). She is in a lot of pain but being tough and walking around using a walker.

So while mom recovers and I nurse her back to health, I get to enjoy my mini vacay here at the ranch. I love coming out here. I guess you can say I'm recovering too, I have had a seriously stressful couple of months. I get to enjoy beautiful sunsets, walk the woods (which I haven't taken pictures of yet, but once I do I'll post em), and just be surrounded by my loving family. I especially miss grandpa, I haven't left him since grams passed away but my Aunt Faith is there at home with him. I miss her too! I usually leave Troy (my dog) with grandpa when I go out of town but he had a seizure the day before I left, I decided to take him with me since I was going to be gone for about three weeks. He loves it out here too, he has the freedom to run around, experience new sights, sounds, and smells. The day after mom's surgery my step dad took him out and their dog Roper took him out into the woods and left him. My step dad spent two hours looking for him. Thank God he was found! After Noah, my Maltese, disappeared I was heart broken, I don't know what I would have done if Troy was lost too.

The only thing that sucks about the area is my cell phone doesn't get reception unless I stand in one of a few spots in the house for a long time or we're in town, which is about 15 minutes away. I haven't really talked to "manfriend" much since I've been out here but he understands, and he has got some stuff of his own going on. So I actually kinda opened up to him about my feelings (I didn't exactly say the "L" word) which is completely out of character for me, at the same time I start to wonder if perhaps I said too much. I meant to say what I said, so no regrets. I just often wonder if I'm only fooling myself that we could actually be happy together since things are kind of complicated. AND NO HE IS NOT MARRIED OR WITH ANOTHER WOMAN (At least not that I know of HA! lol JK)! GEEZ! lol.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot it's officially the new year! HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful celebration. I passed out at 8:30 pm since I only got a couple hours of sleep at the hospital and the recliner was very uncomfortable. So no tequila shots or goblet of wine for me, but there was no where else I'd rather be. I have a couple new year's resolutions I think I wanna try. One of them of course is a healthy life style change. I freakin' say that every year and never go through with it. BUT I REALLY WANNA DO IT! I guess I just really want to re-evaluate my life and see what other changes I need to make. I just really want to be happy! I don't think that is too much to ask for. I think I deserve it.

OK, I guess that's it for now. I'll leave you with some beautiful pics of the ranch! Enjoy!