Monday, January 11, 2010

Not ready yet

I've been here for almost three weeks. Mom is progressing day by day and just yesterday she took her first steps with out using a walker. As they say, you don't realize what you have till you lose it and it definitely makes you think twice about taking things for granted. I am aware some people have it worse, but mom is not the kind of woman to sit back and relax, she is always on the go and this surgery has really MADE her slow down. We were having lunch one afternoon when she got a little emotional, she said she thanks God for making her realize she needs to slow down and start taking better care of herself. I am glad she had this realization because like most mothers, she put everyone before herself. I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to be here with her for this, I know she really needed/wanted me here.

I have one more day left ::sigh.tear:: I'm not ready to leave. We head out Tuesday morning for the long 9 hour drive home. By we, I mean my brother's wife. She is moving back down to the valley while my brother stays and works for a couple more months then makes his way down. I've been fortunate to spend so much time with my mom. It's so hard every time I have to leave. I remember the first time I moved away from home. I only moved three hours away to Corpus Christi but I was ready to spread my wings. My BFF Tiff and I had originally planned to move to Houston, but she fell in love and decided to get married. I was dead set on leaving. Tiff met me at my house and both her and mom saw me off. I tried so hard not to look back but I did. Mom gave the most beautiful card and a CD, "Wide Open Spaces" by the Dixie Chicks. I remember waiting at the check point, there was a long line, probably about an hour's wait, maybe longer. I waited to read the card because I knew it would bring me to tears, and while "Wide open spaces" blared on the speakers, I sat back and opened my card. I wish I still had it; for the life of me I cant remember what happened to it. And so I cried... and cried... and cried. By the time I got to the check point my eyes were red and puffy, my nose was running, and my face was blotchy. I wasn't the least bit concerned that my make up was half off, that I looked like a raccoon with runny mascara, and that the border patrol agent was beyond HOTTT!

It wasn't long before I got home sick. Mom and I always had the best relationship. It was always just us three. We were The Three Musketeers: Mom, brother, and me (even before the divorce, dad was always away). I missed them terribly but it was a part of life. I learned a lot being on my own, I got myself into many situations but mom was always there to help me out. I have the utmost respect for her. She is my rock, and I don't know what I would do without her.

I am blessed to have a wonderful mother and a wonderful relationship with her. I look up to her. Not only is she my mom, she is my confidante, my best friend, the sister I never had, she is EVERYTHING to me. Being here with her when she needed me the most is the least I could do for all that she has done for me. So as I prepare to leave again, I know that she is only a phone call away. I hate to leave before she is completely well, but I know she is in good hands.


tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

wow that's your mom in the picture? i'm shit you not, if it is she could be your sister. yall look JUST alike...

i know it's tough watching loves ones go through trials like that. and you having to leave probably makes you feel a little helpless too. i pray all goes well and your mom starts recovering fast.

Cyn said...

Thanks. Yeah thats my momma! She is doing better. SHe has per post op appointment on friday. I just know she will be fine!

Secretia said...

Lucky you are to have your mother. I've been without mine for years, and it still hurts.


オテモヤン said...


雪糕 said...

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