Oh Baby!

10 days and counting till I get to see my little one again, hopefully on a 4d sonogram. I'm keeping my fingers crossed this baby wont be as stubborn as I am and give me a little peep show so we can find out the gender. I am sooo excited I've been counting down since my last appointment. I've come to realize the more I count down, the longer the wait is. What is helping is that I get to work now, so that means I am not at home bored all day and my mind is occupied. Everyone apparently says this baby is a girl... I say, "who knows". Perhaps it's time for another girl. I'm surrounded by boys... all the great grand children on my paternal side are boys except for Miah... and on my maternal side... Damn... there are too many grandchildren to count, forget counting the great grand children lol, I lost track years ago... but there are lots of boys. I honestly don't care, this baby is a gift, and boy or girl, I am grateful. All I can pray for is a healthy baby with ten fingers and ten little toes.

I've finally reached the half way mark... 21 weeks today and little by little I am starting to "feel" pregnant. Aside from the weight gain, I've managed to grow cankles... Oh Joy! As much as I have to run to the bathroom, I'm surprised there is enough fluid to stay in my legs and feet. Fortunately, blood pressure is good so no problems there. I hadn't had any swelling so I think the culprit was that half bag of pistachios I ate... which also gave me my first bout of pregnancy induced heartburn. Indigestion really sucks :-/

Work is going great. Since I still haven't mentioned I'm expecting, bathroom trips during ride alongs can get really tricky. Fortunately I've been with two nurses who pee just as much as I do. We literally make a potty break after every patient visit... yay for me! I don't know what their excuses are since they are roughly my age, but I blame mine on the tea... ;) Speaking of bathroom urgencies... Why is it that every time we go have family dinner and my step father drives, he ALWAYS makes a detour? AND I MEAN ALWAYS. I know the urgencies can come on rather quickly so I ask before we leave, "are we going straight home"? The answer is always yes and then he decides to take a scenic route when the baby decides my bladder is a trampoline. Men! I just about wet my pants and I was one more bump in the dirt road from asking him to stop so I could pop a squat.

Speaking of bouncing baby... This little body high-jacker is quite the "Ultimate Lightweight Championship kick boxer". I love to just feel him or her move inside of me. While it feels like an alien body snatcher has invaded my uterus, I can just sit or lay in awe while it karate chops away. How can something so small (about 10 inches head to toe and about 11 oz) be so strong? I can already feel some of the movements when I place my hand on my abdomen. I don't know about other babies but mine is probably gonna be the next super hero LOL ;)

As far as other pregnancy symptoms, I cant really complain. I can eat apples now and actually enjoy them (anyone who knows me, knows I HATED apples unless they were chamomanzanas- apples coated in chamoy candy). I cant say I "crave" them but I can see one, eat it, and enjoy it. My mom apparently has the munchies... She eats a lot of Cheetos LOL. Smells don't bother me so I can pretty much eat anything... but sometimes I'll pass on meat if it's in a soup or something. I am actually concerned about my weight gain, I suppose I should start exercising even though I say I am going to start every day, and I don't ;(. This next doctor's appointment will have elapsed a period of a month between visits. Usually my visits are every two weeks, I guess Doc thought I was doing well. So I've been dwelling on my weight gain. During one of our bathroom breaks today, I saw a scale... it said I lost twenty pounds. What a waste of a quarter. I knew it was impossible. I had to make a Wal-mart run today so I went to the scale isle and weigh myself. Bad news... I gained too much. Sheesh. It's impossible to only gain 15 pounds during 9 months when you're hungry all the time. I am seriously hoping I get a late case of "all day sickness" so I can lose a couple pounds lol. JK. I'm not a bulimic but it sounded good for a moment. OK, it really didn't but I guess I should really start exercising. Blah. If it's best for the baby, it shouldn't be that much to sacrifice.

I'm hoping the rest of this pregnancy goes well. Ive had minor complications and have a long road ahead of me still but with a few sacrifices, I hope for the best.

Cyn-Cyn got her groove back

I am so thrilled to be working again. I guess you could say I was DONE living off the fat of the land and I desperately wanted to get back into the workforce. Today was my first day and although orientation sucks, it's really the easiest money you can make. I cant complain of the 7 hours I spent straining my eyes with the computer screen, I wont complain of the countless exams I had to take (and I'm not even done yet), I think I could even feel my neurons moving across my synapses lol. OK so the HIPPA, PHI, and OSHA stuff is really boring, but getting NCLEX style questions really got my brain going. I swear I lost millions of brain cells watching TV, something I RARELY did. I didn't bring my nursing books so I didn't have anything educational to review so any news or updates I got from my nursing friends was my only stimulation LOL. Anyhow, my day went great and since I finished all but three exams, I get to go in at whatever time tomorrow to complete them. I think I'm gonna go after lunch... I'm not such a morning person. I guess I should get used to it with a baby on the way but for now, if I don't have to wake up at 7, I WONT!

During one of my exams, while I was deep in thought, I swear that I heard someone say that a pregnant woman came in to fill out an application and they told her there were no openings. I could have misheard, like I said, I was really focused so I'm not 100% sure. Technically there aren't any full time positions open, just PRN or "as needed" (the company needs nurses for the area but being it is a small town that covers a large area, they leave the "full-time" positions for the larger cities or something like that... and I don't really care, I need the flexibility). I didn't tell them I was expecting and well, they didn't ask... my intention is not to be deceitful, however I just didnt want to compromise getting hired.

I feel so much better now that I have a job... OK, so I've only worked one day, but to feel like you have a purpose is indescribable. I enjoyed not working for a week or two, but having bills to pay with no income coming in definitely takes it's toll. Not only that, you start (well I did) to feel somewhat depressed being at home all day. I respect stay at home moms and wives but I can honestly say, I don't think it's for me... at least not in the country LOL. Give me places to go and people to see and a nice allowance, and I'm good to go. Seriously though, I enjoy being a nurse, I love to help others... that is after all, my purpose in life.

I pray the enthusiasm lasts long, and when it doesn't, that means it's time for a change. There is nothing I despise more than an irritated and miserable nurse who stays in a position for the money. One thing I've learned in my short experience, never do something for the money... you really do work your butt off and the more money you make, the more responsibility and liability that comes with your job.

So yes, I got my groove back. I am no longer pity party Cyn-Cyn. I cant wait for my first pay check :D

Things are Looking up

For the past two months I've been moping around feeling sorry for myself because my only friend in town is my mom and I miss my friends and family back home, but truth of the matter is, life is what you make of it. Yes, I complain day after day that I am bored, but I suppose that is what I choose. I have family in town, but I CHOOSE not to spend time with them. If I'm bored and I need a breather, I can drive around and familiarize myself with the area, but I CHOOSE not too because my truck is a gas guzzler and with my savings at a dangerous low and gas prices as they are I CHOOSE not to be wasteful. My friends are only a phone call away and yet, I CHOOSE not to call (mostly because it's hard and I miss them like crazy and these pregnancy hormones do not help). It isn't as bad as I make it for myself, well, it doesn't have to be... that, or I'm really getting used to it here. I've come to realize that perhaps I wasn't ready for this place just yet, it's very slow paced and I feel completely out of my element, but that is the beauty of this place at the same time. I loved this place when I lived back home, I came here to see my mom and to escape the hustle and bustle of my life, and now I have it all the time. Why am I complaining? I guess I just had a lot of soul searching to do... I cant say I wont complain of boredom, but there is so much more to be grateful for.
On another note, Spring break came and went. It was no different than any other day. I guess my days of partying just might be over lol. I guess that is not such a big sacrifice since I've had about 11 years post high school to get all that out of my system. We went into town a couple times, I finally had some sushi (cooked rolls of course) and I had my Starbucks fix (it wasn't as great as I expected). We went to Austin to visit my step brothers and their families... nope, no partying down 6th St. I was the first one to call it a night. I also bought my first pair of maternity pants and needless to say, I wasn't in such a cheerful mood.
I had follow up with the doctor and the baby is doing fine. Unfortunately, because I have to see a specialist, I will have to wait another month to see him and God willing, we will learn the baby's sex. I started recognizing the baby's kicks about two and half weeks ago. I felt him or her before, but I always second guessed myself thinking it was gas or something. But I know for sure now. Apparently this baby is going to be like me, a night owl. I tend to feel more of the movements at night which tells me it's awake. According to my baby calendar, babies start to form a sleeping pattern by now. Uh oh, this means I'm gonna have some loooong nights. Hopefully that changes soon. One thing that is really starting to annoy the crap out of me is night time. It takes me a good twenty to thirty minutes to get comfortable and when I finally do, I have to pee. Then it starts all over again, I toss and turn until I get comfy, then I have to pee. I find myself asking this baby, Really??? Are you freakin' kidding me? And yes... then it kicks me in the bladder, on purpose. My mom asked me if it is finally starting to feel real... It really hasn't hit me yet. I hear the heart beat and I now feel the movements, and I'm starting to feel excited, but it really isn't real to me yet. Mom goes crazy when we go into stores and she sees all the baby stuff... I still feel like I'm shopping for a baby shower gift.
Speaking of baby showers... I'm starting to get ideas for mine but it's all so complicated and I am so indecisive... perhaps it will get easier when we know the gender. I have this question... or dilemma regarding baby shower centerpieces. I've asked several friends but I get different answers. What I really wanna know is, how do you keep guests from taking centerpieces that can be used by the mom to be? I've seem some cute diaper cakes that would make nice centerpieces, obviously the diapers can be reused and so can the items on them. Maybe it's just a RGV thing, but people take all that stuff... I have no idea why? I don't like to take them, I mean a lot of them are cute but it's clutter and chances are they just collect dust in the corner. I thought that's why we gave party favors. We had a nursing reception for school and people even took the live flowers... REALLY??? I was mortified, even the teachers. So do you just let them take the usable centerpieces, or do you politely tell them no? Do you put notes on the table that say, "please do not take centerpieces"? Maybe I'll just get cheap centerpieces that are cute and if they must have one, they can take it. Seriously though, people fight for them. They rush to tables with centerpieces and claim them. LOL. I went to this one shower that had rental centerpieces, and people actually tried to sneak out with them. OMG!
I was starting to worry about having this baby and my financial status... it's pretty hard with out a job. Fortunately, I haven't made any purchases for this baby yet. The job market is just as bad as the one in the RGV. It literally took me three months to find a job back home after graduation. New nurses graduate for many schools Valley wide and there aren't enough positions. During my preceptorship at the hospital, nurses were cancelled every day, every shift because the census was low and because of over staffing. It didn't help there were many nurses on work visas. It's hard for many of the nurses not to get upset about that, but being that they have work visas, they have every right to work. When I arrived here, I thought the market would be better. I placed many online job applications but truth of the matter is, because the community is so small, they prefer it all be done in person. I guess they aren't as "high tech" yet. I decided to take matters into my own hands, so I fueled up and drove around looking for work. I went to the hospitals with no luck. One of them about half an hour away, all they said was they had absolutely no positions open. WOW. I had been calling a local/statewide home health for some time, and I even went in person to leave my resume but the director was in another office about 45 minutes away. She finally called me back, and I got my interview... AND I GOT A JOB! Finally, one less thing I have to stress about. I also had an interview with the local nursing home, but I'm not to sure how I feel about working there. The liability is high in regards to patient/nurse ratio and it's every other weekend. I can work weekends with the home health if I choose. I don't think I'll take that job even though the pay is good. I'M JUST THANKFUL I FINALLY FOUND A JOB!