Counting down...

Almost 37 weeks and counting... I cant say I'm "miserable" like I hear most women say throughout pregnancy but with 3 weeks or less to go, I am finally starting to feel "pregnant". By that I mean short of breath, I got the penguin waddle down to the "T", I cant get out of a comfy chair as quick as I used to, I cant see my nether regions, and my calves and ankles merged (so I sport cankles now, don't judge... I like to think of them as Jessica Rabbit legs... you know... from Who framed Roger Rabbit... only I'm a little curvier in more than one place than she is), my hands and feet are swollen, and from what I hear... when baby is getting near, my nose is supposed to puff up as well (at least that's what I was told by the ladies in the office... so I have someone monitoring my face... OK kinda but not really) just to name a few. Oh well, it's just a small price to pay when you look at the big reward in the end.

I had my second baby shower that the wonderful ladies from Jordan Health Services threw for me/Matthew. He got lots of great gifts and the diapers were wonderful, I think I'm set for a good while... I said "I think" 'cause I don't really know how much babies poop and pee, but I'm sure I'll find out pretty soon. My room has has been transformed and accommodates my soon to be new "room-mate", I'm definitely ready for him once he gets the eviction notice from my uterus... I'm hoping sooner than later, not because I don't enjoy being pregnant but because I cant wait to see him and hold him and squeeze him and love him forever and ever :) ... And now I sound like that Elvira character from tiny toons, but that's how I feel, I just love him soooo much already ♥ I don't think I can ever get enough of him. ♥ ♥

On another note, I'm getting a little annoyed with people saying "get ready, your life is never gonna be the same" like it's a bad thing or a threat (some say it in a good way... I guess it's just their tone) and I should be watching out for the"no turning back sign". I'm sorry if kids made their life miserable but having lost my angel several years ago, I consider Matthew a blessing and I'm looking forward to the "no turning back" sign because he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I've had a great life and my little miracle is going to make it so much better, so no, I don't mind missing my days of partying and up all-nighters, they'll just be a little different. Instead of cocktail parties and clubbing I'll have days of birthday parties and getting chased around with a foam club by my Matthew like Bam Bam from the Flintstones (Notice how I've made many cartoon references? Yup... I've done my research lol), and my up all-nighters will be countless nights round the clock feedings and diaper changes. Maybe I'm just a tad more hormonal these days but it really bothers me that some people make it sound so negative. Even with all my complications, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I just have to ignore them, I know I'm going to be a great mother, I cant say I'll be perfect, but I'll do the best damn job that I can, besides my mother is a great role model and although I'm still not Teague, Tx's biggest fan, I couldn't have made a better decision than being close to my mother.

So until "D-day" gets here (I mean Delivery day NOT DOOM'S DAY), It's more of those bi-weekly doctor's visits (yes, this now includes those highly uncomfortable and painful pelvic exams, UGH). I'm gonna miss feeling him in my tummy the most. I know I've said it before, but I just love to see my stomach move from him rolling around or kick boxing (whatever it is that he is doing in there) the most... It is such an amazing feeling. Oh yeah... did I mention doc says to keep working? With my fluid fluctuations, I was actually hoping he'd say "modified bed rest" or "it's a good idea to stop working now"... but NOOOOO :( he said it'll keep me active, and I suppose it's a good idea to keep those paychecks coming since I'm not fortunate enough to have maternity leave... well, the paid kind anyway. My cousin Amy had her baby a few days before Father's Day, and her doctor told her to stop working 6 weeks before... and that's cause she works just 45 minutes away. I live about an hours drive from the hospital and I drive 45 minutes away in the opposite direction... AND MY PREGNANCY HAS BEEN COMPLICATED... sheesh! lol, yeah, yeah, doc knows best, I'm just jealous cause I'm tired these days, but my job is very accommodating to my appointment schedule, some days I work on days I have appointments (just a little) and some days I don't. I couldn't ask for more!

Have a Happy Period...

So it's that time of the month again and after a long day of moodiness, bloating, and cramping I get home and turned the on TV so that for just one moment I could cloud out all the thoughts that go through my head... AND THEN... I see that damn Always commercial where they say... "Have a Happy Period". I found myself scoffing and throwing my middle finger at the TV saying STFU! and mumbling heaven knows what else. Out of nowhere I remembered an email/forward that I received a loooonng time ago. It was a letter from a lady ranting about the Always slogan. I felt her frustration and searched and searched my email inbox until I found it. I LOVE IT! Too bad I didnt think of writing that first. HA!

Here it is...

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX